


You Don't Know What You're Getting Into

by borrowedthemoonlite



Category: Victorious (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Reality Show, DATING SHOW AU, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Reality TV, Slow Burn, andre's the host, beck's the bachelor, i guess, idk what tori and cat are doing here they're just vibin, jade's a contestant, robbie's a producer !!, the bachelor - Freeform, the gang didn't go to HA together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:54:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 63,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21965287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/borrowedthemoonlite/pseuds/borrowedthemoonlite
Summary: After Jade West is mistakenly chosen to be a contestant on the newest season of The Bachelor, she has one goal: get eliminated as soon as possible and go home without making an impression on anyone.  But her plan seem to take a turn in the wrong direction as the newest bachelor, Beck Oliver, seems to have another idea.
Relationships: Beck Oliver/Jade West
Comments: 245
Kudos: 483





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I told myself I'd put off posting this until I was back in school but I'm way too excited about this fic to wait so... Here it is!!

_‘The Bachelor’s Newest Season: Meet the Bachelorettes Starring Opposite Beck Oliver’_

_‘Meet the 30 Lucky Women Joining The Next Season of the Bachelor!’_

_‘ABC Announces Contestants for the Bachelor’s Next Season’_

_‘Here’s the Rundown on the Newest Picks for the Bachelor’_

_‘Take a Look at the Women Starring in the Bachelor’s Newest Season’_

_‘The Surprising New Contestant That Has Bachelor Fans Scratching Their Heads’_

_‘Who is Jade West? A Look Into the Most Mysterious Bachelor Contestant’_

_‘Here’s Everything You Need to Know About Jade West, the Bachelor Cast Member That Has Taken the Internet by Storm’_

_‘Jade West: the Bachelor Contestant with a Cult Following Before Even Appearing in an Episode’_

Jade groaned as she scrolled past what seemed to be the one hundredth article about her today. If she had to see the picture of her shooting a glare at the camera any more than she already had, she would lose her mind. All the articles focusing on her left an uneasy feeling in her stomach, there was no way this was her life. But her curiosity got the better of her and she clicked on them anyways, all of them analyzing her in way more detail than she was comfortable with. 

* * *

_“With the latest casting announcement, fans of The Bachelor have taken an interest in a certain contestant in particular. California born turned New Yorker, Jade West, is the Bachelorette who seems to have the internet by storm. West’s official casting photo is in stark contrast to her season co-stars and fans immediately noticed Jade’s blunt refusal to smile and the piercings and tattoos that are extremely out of place given the show’s typical ‘look’._

_Not much is known about Jade, many Bachelor fans even believing her photo to be a scheme in order to drum up intrigue. Many have speculated that as an actress, she could be doing this to establish a name and brand. Could she be doing this all for the publicity? Seeing as not much can be found online about West, it’s difficult to assess her motives._

_Fans immediately rushed to West’s social media to find out what they could other than the provided ‘25 year old actress from New York’. However, they were met with a private Instagram account with less than 1,000 followers. Who is she? What could she be hiding? But an insider source who had already been following West has leaked the following screenshot of her page, giving fans just the smallest insight into her life._

_Leaked screencap of West’s Instagram; still set on private as of today_

_Judging off of the posts able to be seen, it appears that her ‘edgy’ casting photo isn’t out of character for her. But fans are left wondering, will West make it through the first two weeks of the show? Fans have already begun placing bets on who they believe will make it to Hometowns at the very least. Contestants Alyssa Vaughn and Meredith Frank seem to have the popular vote._

_Whether or not Bachelor fans receive West’s presence positively or negatively has absolutely no impact on the show. West’s run on The Bachelor rests in one person alone, ex-Bachelorette contestant and this season’s Bachelor, Beck Oliver. Will Jade’s run this season lead to an engagement? Or will we be seeing West again in future seasons of the Bachelorette or Bachelor In Paradise?”_

* * *

She was going to kill Cat. How Cat had thought signing her up for The Bachelor was a good idea was beyond her. She hadn’t even found out about it until she had received an email telling her that she had made it to the final round of auditions. How Cat had talked her into going through with it was even more surprising. More importantly, she couldn’t believe that she had actually gotten picked for the show. 

As the complete casting for the new season had been released to the public, Jade’s picture had stuck out immediately. There she was, with her dark hair with bright streaks of purple and blue, and her piercings and tattoos, in a sea of blonde, tanned, girls with bright smiles and an actual desire to be on the show. This was a mistake. She knew that for sure. But if she played her cards right, she could remain unmemorable and get eliminated in the first week or so.

“I can’t believe you would do this to me.” Jade groaned, shooting daggers at Cat from across the room.

“Jade I said I was sorry!” Cat squealed pleadingly.

“Sorry, Cat, but I gotta side with Jade here… The Bachelor of all things? Really? This is Jade we’re talking about.” Tori chimed in from the other side of Jade’s sofa.

“See! Even Tori agrees, it was a dumb idea! You didn’t warn me about it either, I had to find out when I got the email asking me to come in for the final auditions.” Jade huffed, staring out the window.

“How’d you even get in? Don’t you have to record an audition video?”  
  
“Yeah well, she gave me a script and told me it was for a short parody film she was doing.” Jade grumbled, “I should’ve known better, god.”

“Well I thought that at least one chance at a boyfriend was better than nothing.” Cat defended.

“Cat have you ever _seen_ The Bachelor? They always end up getting engaged. Me? Engaged? To a guy I barely know?” She began to pace around the room, frustrated with the current scenario.

“Nuh-uh not always! Sometimes it ends with people just dating! Maybe that’ll happen for you!” Cat insisted. 

“But you didn’t even think to tell me that you fucking signed me up! This is ridiculous! I can’t believe you right now, this can’t be my life!” Jade thundered.

“Okay, okay. You both need to calm the hell down.” Tori persisted, “Cat, you shouldn’t have signed Jade up without telling her. _But,_ Jade you can’t keep yelling at Cat, she had good intentions and you can’t do anything about it now.”

Jade and Cat both grumbled as they quieted down.

“Jade, the most important thing for you to do now is to figure this guy out. If you find out what his deal is, you can use it against yourself and get eliminated early on and go home without having to go through everything. Here, what’s this guy’s name again? I’ll start looking.”

“Beck Oliver? I think?” Jade could already feel the stress headache coming in. There was no way she could actually get through this. If she was being honest the entire situation felt like a fever dream.

Tori looked at Cat for confirmation and began typing away on her laptop. “Wait, this guy’s not that bad, Jade, he’s honestly pretty cute. You could be dealing with way worse here.”  
  
“See! I told you, Jade, it’s not a waste of time!” Cat peeped.

Jade glared daggers at the two girls across the room, “Do I look like I care how hot he is?! We got to figure out how to make him hate me!” She shrieked, throwing her hands up in the air.

The other two sobered up immediately. “Right,” Tori said, clicking on an article, “Uh, he’s 24, from Canada...”

“He’s an actor too, Jade!” Cat exclaimed, excitedly.

“I hate Canada,” Jade said, dryly.

“Wait!” Tori announced, “It also says here that he was a contestant on The Bachelorette last season and had been a fan favorite, but got dumped by her right before the final episode.”

“Ugh, lemme see.” Jade dropped herself onto the couch, “Hey, doesn’t the guy always say ‘Will you accept this rose?’ if I get one, can’t I just say no? That way I get sent home as easy as that.”

“Uh, not if you want to get blacklisted! If you do that the world’s gonna know you as the girl who signed up for the Bachelor only to take the easy way out once there was a challenge!” Cat shrieked, “Jade you can’t!”

Cat was right. As much as she hated it, she was in an industry where image was everything. She’d have to take the hard route off the show.

Jade turned the laptop towards her. Tori had been right, he was attractive, she had to admit. But she had seen enough from what she had seen to know the type of guys that tended to go on the show. If she knew anything, it was that he was probably incredibly self absorbed and most likely not the brightest.

“See! Told you he was hot.” Tori said, pointing to the picture from the article.

“He’s okay.” She lied, scrolling past it before she could let herself think too much about it, “Let’s find out what this guy hates, that way I can get myself kicked off by episode one.”

“Let’s watch his season of The Bachelorette then!” Tori suggested, “The more you know, the better.”

“You won’t find anything on The Bachelorette that wasn’t in an article,” Cat insisted.

“She’s right.” Jade sighed, “This guy isn’t worth wasting that many hours of my life, let’s just keep going through old Bachelorette articles and hope he’s said enough things on camera to give us information.”

“Here! I found an interview!” Tori exclaimed, giving the laptop back to Jade.

She scanned the first few lines, and sure enough, he had given her more than she could’ve wanted. It wouldn’t be hard to get eliminated at this rate. She could practically see herself coming home after a week and moving on with her own life.

Beck Oliver was an open book, and Jade had a chapter of her life that she needed ending.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should clarify that I don't really watch The Bachelor. I'm watching one (1) season to help me figure out what to do with this fic, but that's really it. So sorry if everything's not exactly the same, but it's an au so it's fine. Maybe in this world The Bachelor's just a little different, who knows? Anyways, enjoy this chapter that turned out to be way longer than I expected.

The entire thing was stupid, really. 

That morning, Jade had managed to get herself into some blue dress from high school that miraculously still fit, and was now stuck in a limo with 14 other women that was on its way to the home they’d be staying in for the next few days of hell. If she closed her eyes she could almost pretend that she wasn’t actually there and that this was some hellish dream she’d be waking up from any moment. 

But every time she came close, something or someone would bring her back to reality and remind her what her life had become.

To keep a low profile, she’d stayed out of any and all conversations that had been struck up during the car ride. Unfortunately for her, it turned out that the 14 others could talk about seemingly anything. The conversation had gone from what everyone did for a living to what everyone was hoping to get from the show. The topic had finally shifted to what Jade suspected they’d all wanted to talk about from the very beginning, the man in question, Beck.

“What about you? I don’t think you’ve talked yet.” A girl whose name Jade hadn’t bothered learning asked, turning expectantly towards her, “What do you think about him?”

She would’ve answered honestly, which would have been, ‘I couldn’t give two shits about pretty boy, I just want to go home.’ But producers were filming them, and while that would’ve made for pretty exciting footage in her opinion, she knew she couldn’t outright trash the guy she was supposedly ‘chasing after’.

“I don’t think I really have that much of an opinion on him...” She responded carefully, before deciding to throw in a bit of truth, “I like his hair.”

Surprisingly, her answer garnered murmurs of genuine agreement.

A girl with an overly perky voice whose energy alone exhausted Jade turned to her suddenly, “Sorry I don’t think I caught your name.” She said, extending a hand, “Hi, I’m Meredith, I like your eyebrow piercing.”

Jade smiled stiffly, giving her a quick handshake, “Thanks, Meredith.” She said trying to sound at least a little bit interested, “I’m Jade.”

“Oh, I love that name! I hope you don’t mind me asking, but are the streaks in your hair real?”

Jade regretted answering her question immediately, she was already making much more of an impression than she’d intended. She had hoped to stay inconspicuous enough to make everyone say, “Wait who was that? I didn’t even know she was here,” once she was eliminated. But apparently Meredith the overly chatty, overly happy, and overly nosy girl wouldn’t let that happen, as she tried to get Jade to join the main conversation that had taken over most of the others.

Soon enough Jade had been introduced to most of the women in the limo and in return was being forced to acquaint herself with them.

There was Hayley, whose dad owned some trendy bar in LA that made half of the girls gasp in awe when mentioned. There was also that girl Jade remembered from the article, Alyssa Vaughn. Alyssa Vaughn was the type of person that seemed to be the true antithesis of someone like Jade, a rich socialite that heavily reminded Jade of some Instagram influencer she’d see selling fun and quirky hair vitamins. Alyssa Vaughn seemed like the type of person perfect enough to win the entire thing. 

So while Jade couldn’t stand being in the presence of people like Meredith and Alyssa Vaughn, she knew that it wouldn’t matter, because Jade would be sent home anyways. And once she was home, she wouldn’t have to deal with the likes of them ever again.

She took another sip from her champagne flute, attempting to drown out the discussion of ‘hoping to find true love’ and how they ‘swore they felt like Beck might be the one.’ Many of them seemed to believe they already ‘knew Beck’ because they’d watched his season of The Bachelorette. In Jade’s opinion that was bullshit, there was no way they knew anything about him, not from one season of a heavily edited reality TV show that wasn’t even on cable. Besides, even she couldn’t say she knew him, even after she’d done all that research with Cat and Tori.

* * *

As the number of people left in the limo dwindled down, Jade felt the bundle of nerves in her stomach that had been working itself up the entire journey knot up even more. She would have to get out and introduce herself soon. Thankfully, she was in the first limo, she’d be going somewhere in the middle rather than being one of the last.

“Alright, then. Jade? You’re up,” the headset wearing producer, Robbie, motioned for her to get going.

“Good luck!” Meredith smiled, waving at Jade as she left Meredith alone in the car.

As if Jade had ever needed luck with guys. 

As if she needed luck to talk to some guy for thirty seconds. 

As if vapid, shallow people like Beck Oliver were ever hard to talk to. 

She’d been in front of a camera before, she could handle this. She was an actress, this was her job. She was meant to be good at making people believe she was something she wasn’t. If she could do that, surely she could pretend like she actually wanted to be there even just a little.

At least he wasn’t totally horrible to look at. If anything, he seemed to have at least one positive: not terrible to look at.

“Hi.” She said through slightly clenched teeth, forcing her voice to sound at least a little friendly, “I’m Jade West.”

“Jade.” Beck echoed back to her, nodding, as if he was trying her name out for himself, “Nice to meet you, Jade, I like your dress. Where are you from?”

Apparently, names weren’t enough of an introduction.

“New York.” She responded, “I grew up in LA, but I moved once I graduated.”

“What a small world, I’m from LA too!” He said it as if LA wasn’t a super populated city, “How are you doing tonight, Jade?”

“Fine, I guess,” She shrugged, forgetting that she was meant to look like she actually wanted to talk to him.

To her surprise, he actually laughed. He had a good laugh, she decided, the kind that wasn’t grating to listen to.

“You seem fun.” He said simply, smiling at her.

Typical. But it was whatever he’d never want to talk to her again if she played her cards right.

“We haven’t even talked for five minutes.” She said bluntly, “You don’t even know me.”

“Yeah, but we’ve got some time, you never know how much I might learn.” He said. If he had picked up on her hostility, he didn’t mention it or seem to take offense. Maybe he was just the kind of person who thought that the entire revolved around them and that they graced every room they were present in. Probably

“If you say so,” She smirked.

From beside them, she saw one of the producers signal for her to finish up.

“I gotta head inside now, so. Later.” She said, passing him to head inside the building.

The entire thing had been rather painless for the most part. She’d followed the plan they’d come up with before she had to leave for filming: Keep it short, keep it simple. Don’t give away more information than what’s asked of you, and don’t ask any questions. 

By the time the night was over, he’d barely even remember who she was.

* * *

“I heard some girl from the second limo came dressed up like a dog.”

There was no way she heard that right. The lengths that some of the others were going to was truly baffling to Jade.

“Oh my god yeah, she was in the car with her. The entire ride over she wouldn’t stop going on about her ‘genius plan’, I didn’t get to actually see her in the costume because I got sent out before her, but I can just imagine what a mess that must’ve been.”

Jade looked up from what had to be her third glass of champagne that night. Yes, she had intentionally kept her introduction simple, but the others had planned things? Did they really think this guy was worth all of that? As if he wasn’t a fame-hungry, self-absorbed douchebag who was good looking enough to trick the nation into thinking he was ‘deep and brooding’ or some other bullshit. Apparently, good looks were the only thing needed into getting people to fall in love with you. 

Everyone was sent into the villa after they’d introduced themselves to Beck. For the most part, the rest of the women had begun conversing. Once again, Jade made sure to stay firmly out of it. She wasn’t about to make friends with anyone here, her plan was to ride it all out. If she just stayed and sat there, drinking champagne and looking uninterested, nobody would talk to her and it would all work out.

“Maybe it’s just me,” She heard one of the others start to say, “but is anyone else lowkey in love with him already?”

It took everything in her to not let her confusion show on her face as the rest of the group enthusiastically agreed. In love? Already? She already thought that the show didn’t give the ‘couple’ enough time to get to know each other. But some of them were already in love? After a minute-long conversation? Maybe it was different if you were coming into the show for actual love, she justified. Maybe all of it was more glamorous when you weren’t playing to lose like she was.

Jade let out a sigh of relief as another woman walked into the villa. She’d been keeping count, and including herself, there were officially thirty of them in the building. All the women were finally introduced, just one step closer to the end of the night. 

“Okay, Andre’s going to come in and talk to you guys for a little bit and then Beck’ll give his toast.” Robbie-the-producer (as Jade now liked to think of him) said, calling the thirty of them into the room.

“Alright, let’s get this started,” Andre said, addressing them, the camera, and the audience at home equally, “You guys have three hours to get to know Beck, I recommend that you use this time to talk to him and each other. He’ll be giving out a first impression rose to one of you, who will then be safe from elimination tonight. After your three hours are up, comes the first rose ceremony. I’m sure you all know the drill, but I’ll tell you anyway. Beck will be giving out a rose to each person he wants to know better, once you get a rose, you’re safe. Those who don’t get a rose will, unfortunately, be sent home. There are 21 ceremony roses and one first impression rose, so tonight, eight of you will be going home.”

Eight? What was the point of getting 30 women to come if you were going to eliminate eight on the first night? Granted, eight meant that her chances of going home were higher than she thought. All she had to do was not talk to him. Not talking seemed to be a recurring theme here. If she simply didn’t talk to anyone, she’d be good as gold. Yes, it would be torture, but one night of silence was nothing. How hard could it be?

When Beck walked into the room, all eyes were locked on him. Jade sighed before turning to look at him. He smiled at the group before beginning his probably-forced-by-the-producers toast.

“Can I just say that you all look amazing tonight,” He started, almost garnering an eye roll from Jade, “I’m so excited to get to know you all. Just wanna start off and say that I’m here looking for a genuine connection. I’m a pretty laid back guy and I really just want to find someone easy to get along with, someone that I connect with naturally. I’m not too big on drama, I just want to have a good time with everyone here. I’m sure none of us are here looking for an argument so let’s keep things chill. So let’s get the night started, you all know where to find me.”

Oh? He wanted easy, did he? Jade knew herself well enough to confidently say that she was not the ‘laid back, easy to get along with’ type. That was the girl Beck Oliver wanted and he sure as hell wasn’t getting it from her. She’d make sure of it.

Smirking lightly, she settled back into one of the sofas in the common area. Tonight was going to be the easiest night of her life.

* * *

“I can’t believe it!” A girl (her name was maybe Pepper?) exclaimed, walking back into the villa, taking one of the vacant spots in the sitting area, “This is ridiculous!”

The rest of the women seated immediately rushed to hear Maybe-Pepper’s story. Jade blinked in confusion. What the hell happened outside? Maybe-Pepper had just been outside talking to Beck.

“Fucking Hayley stole him again!” Maybe-Pepper cried out, “I barely talked to him for two minutes and she comes in all like, ‘Sorry to butt in, but can I talk to him for a sec? Thanks.’ I mean can you believe?”

The others groaned in annoyance and frustration. Jade had heard mutterings of Hayley for the past twenty minutes. Apparently, Hayley had taken it upon herself and decided that Beck would like her best if she kept interrupting his talks with other girls. 

“Well, the first impression rose hasn’t been given out yet so I don’t know what she thinks she’s doing. She’s basically stalking him, who’s gonna tell her that it won’t make him like her more?” Alyssa Vaughn sneered, rolling her eyes, “Like give it up, girl! If he didn’t give it to you after the first two times, it probably won’t go to you!”

“I haven’t even talked to him yet!” Meredith worried. When Jade looked up, she was nervously biting her lower lip, as if this were the end of the world. “Hayley’s stolen him like 5 times and it’s been two hours already! Who knows if I’m ever going to get my chance?”

The rest of the group encouraged Meredith to go outside and talk with him. They’d been desperately hoping that someone would put Hayley in her place. Why they thought Meredith was the person for that job was beyond Jade. Meredith seemed like the person who wouldn’t even step on a bug for fear that they’d harm its family. Nonetheless, they’d practically pushed Meredith out the door, telling her she ‘needed to talk to him’ and that ‘she deserved a couple of minutes’.

The conversation dragged on for way too long in her opinion. They had already established that they hated Hayley, what more was there to it? There really didn’t need to be that much dragging out of it all. They hated Hayley for constantly talking to Beck, the first impression rose still hadn’t been given out, and Meredith needed to talk to him. Easy as that. Jade sat quietly in an armchair, tapping her foot silently, waiting for this all to be over.

They’d all dropped it immediately once Hayley walked back in. They quickly shifted, asking her about her talk with Beck through gritted teeth and clenched smiles. Hayley, apparently, had no issue interrupting others, but when it was her turn to have her conversation interrupted, she was quick to point out every issue. Some of the others faked sympathy for her (How awful of Meredith to interrupt their discussion!), but Jade was pretty sure that they were the ones who’d practically begged Meredith to put an end to it all.

Turned out, Hayley’s rage knew no limits as she’d stormed out in a fit of tears and rage when Meredith came back into the villa, clutching the coveted first impression rose in her hands, gushing about how Beck was just ‘so perfect’. Even though the rose had already been given out, Hayley would stop at nothing to make sure she got one later, rushing to talk to Beck for what had to be the seventh time.

The entire thing was getting to be too much, really. She couldn’t deal with that many oh-so-perky people in her vicinity at a time. She already had Cat to deal with and Jade wasn’t sure she could handle 29 worse versions of Cat. Maybe if she were a different person she’d be more willing to talk to them. A lot of them seemed to be pretty cool if she was being honest, but Jade just wanted to go home and if she had to hear one more word about how Beck was just ‘oh-my-god-so-dreamy-and-way-more-perfect-in-person-and-did-I-tell-you-what-he-said-to-me’, she was going to blow a fuse.

Surely she couldn’t straight up yell at these people on television. In an alternate world where she could, she would’ve gladly yelled at them to shut up by now. But this was not that world. If she was sick of hearing them talk, she’d have no other choice but to leave the room.

Getting up from her seat, she wandered into the huge area outside. It wasn’t like the others would miss her anyways, they were too busy grilling Meredith about how she’d gotten the first impression rose that they were all sure that they deserved instead. Checking to see if the coast was clear, she settled into a bench-swing in what was supposed to be the ‘garden area’, although it couldn’t really be called that in her opinion. 

The silence was everything she could’ve hoped for. Savoring the peace and quiet, she took the time to clear her head. It would all be over soon, she reassured herself. About five minutes into her only moment of solace, she regretted leaving before getting another glass of champagne. She stared pitifully at the empty glass in front of her, debating whether or not she should just get up and get another. But if she got up, she might get roped into a conversation. Meredith was still set on making sure Jade felt ‘included’ in the group, oblivious to Jade’s clear disdain for socialization. She’d have to stay out there for the meanwhile, but she was pretty sure three hours was almost up and she’d get called inside soon enough anyways.

“Jade, right?” A voice said unexpectedly from behind her.

She turned around and found herself staring back at the one person she’d been trying to avoid the whole night, Beck Oliver himself.

He remembered her name. She’d only said it to him once. But actors were always good at remembering things, weren’t they?

Smiling stiffly, she forced herself to respond, “Yeah, hi. I thought Hayley was out here talking to you.” She said after a beat of silence.

“She was but she went inside to use the bathroom and I figured I’d take a walk.” He responded, smiling down at her, leaving a slightly sick feeling in her stomach. “And then I saw you sitting here and I realized something.”

He paused, looking at her. She looked at him expectantly, prompting him to carry on, “I don’t think I’ve talked to you yet.”

Acutely aware of the cameras on her and the producers watching, she knew she couldn’t tell him the truth. There was no way she’d tell him, ‘That’s because I quite literally don’t want to talk to you. I’m making it my goal to avoid you as much as possible.’ She’d look like a massive bitch.

So instead, she settled for, “Well, there are 30 of us and everyone else was super eager to talk to you. Guess I just never got an opening.”

“Well I’m free now, can I join you?” He asked, gesturing to the open space next to her.

This would all be so much easier if she didn’t have to worry about being blacklisted. Then she would’ve been able to shoot him down with a quick ‘no’ and that would be the end of it all. But no, she was stuck here until he eliminated her. Until he let her leave.

“Go right ahead,” She said, in what she hoped was at least a pleasant tone.

He took the seat next to her, turning to talk. “So, tell me something about yourself. I already know that your name is Jade and that you started in California but moved to New York, but that’s really it.”

Beck Oliver had impeccable memory, she thought.

“I’m an actress.” She said, keeping him at an arms-length distance. He was getting standard information only, she decided. He didn’t deserve to get to know her. Not when she was being forced onto this show.

“That’s awesome, I am too!” He beamed as if she didn’t already know this, “What kind of work do you do? I prefer film but other stuff’s pretty cool too.”

She fought the urge to roll his eyes, of course he liked film. Film actors were always the most self-absorbed. Granted, she liked film work too, but that was different. She wasn’t Beck Oliver the probably-not-that-bright, self-absorbed, idiot who thought that a TV show would help him find love.

“I guess film is fine.” She replied flatly, “My goal was always to be a serious actress, I never cared about the medium. Movies are always made out to be the peak of entertainment, but theatre’s rawer, it’s for the cutthroats. Theatre is for actors who aren’t afraid. There’s no editing, no do-overs, all you got’s yourself, if you’re not confident in yourself you’ll drown.”

He nodded, seemingly processing her words as if she hadn’t just insulted the thing he had just expressed a preference for. There was no way he was open to listening to her for real. He’d just said he’d preferred film. She’d gone and trashed it, why was he acting like he was actually reflecting on her words?

“You make a good point.” He admitted. Well no duh she made a good point, since when had she ever been wrong about things. “I’m gonna be honest with you, I think I know the least about you out of everyone here.”

“That’s how I like it.” She deadpanned, “I don’t know how much the others have told you, but I like to keep stuff to myself. I’m not going to tell you everything on my first night of knowing you.”

_ Please get the hint _ , she silently begged in her head,  _ I don’t like you, I’m not here for you, I’m not right for this show, I’m not the type of person you want. _

But then his face shifted, he was looking at her differently now. He had a stubborn glint in his eyes that made her feel like she was being challenged. She straightened up meeting his eye,  _ I’m not like everyone else here,  _ she thought,  _ they’re all after you, but I’m not. I couldn’t care less about whether or not you like me. I’m not after your attention. _ He was probably threatened by this. People like Beck Oliver were always taken aback when they found someone who wasn’t fawning all over them.  _ Newsflash, pretty boy, I’m not gonna chase you, I’ll survive without you. _

He opened his mouth to say something, probably in defiance of her blatant show of disinterest, but before he could speak, a producer called them both back inside. 

The three hours were up. It was time for the rose ceremony. 

* * *

“I welcome you all to the first rose ceremony.” Andre said, “During this time, Beck will be giving out 21 roses. When you get one, you’re safe. If you don’t get one, you’ll be sent home tonight. I wish you all luck.”

Had there really been a need to explain it again? He’d already told them how it worked three hours ago, they weren’t idiots.

Jade found herself carefully lined up in the group of 30, in between two girls she was sure she’d never even seen until that moment. Although to be fair, she hadn’t committed to learning anyone’s faces outside the few that had stuck. It was nearing midnight and she was desperate to get this over with and get a good night’s sleep in her own bed, in her own home. 

The rose ceremony began exactly as she’d thought it would. Meredith already had a rose, so she was safe, and it was absolutely no shock to Jade when Alyssa Vaughn got one as well. She fought back a smirk and an eye roll when he’d given one to Hayley, although she was pretty sure she heard groans from a bunch of people around her.

As the amount of roses got lower and lower, Jade had remained cemented to her spot. There were only three more roses to go. 

She was almost free.

He gave two more, one to someone named Gwen, and the other to Maybe-Pepper (who was in fact named Pepper).

Andre stepped out once again, addressing them, “We are now down to one rose. Beck, you may now make your final choice.”

She wondered if the producers thought they were children. What was the point of making Andre repeatedly tell them the same information over and over again. It was a waste of time, this entire thing was taking way longer than it needed to be.

“Jade.” She heard Beck say from the front of the room. 

Jade felt like all the air had been knocked from her lungs. She stared at him in disbelief. There was no way he’d actually said her name. This was all bullshit, there was absolutely no way.

She rigidly stepped forward, making her way to the front. He gave her a small smile before saying, “Will you accept this rose?”

_ No,  _ she screamed in her head,  _ I don’t want your damn rose, I want to go home. _

“Yes,” She forced out, taking it from him. Jade was pretty sure she’d made it perfectly clear that she wasn’t after him. Why even keep her there? Surely he was doing this to get back at her. She’d made him mad and now he was keeping her here as revenge.

She made her way back to her spot, fuming on the inside.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. He said he wanted someone who’d get along with him easily, he said he wanted to keep things laid back. So what the hell was she doing with a rose in her hand? She’d purposely went out of her way to avoid him at all costs, to keep her distance, and he’d still given her one. What was the point of doing all that work with Cat and Tori if he was just going to give her one anyways? She shouldn’t have listened to Cat. She should’ve just quit right off the bat, blacklist be damned.

“Unfortunately, this means we’ll be saying goodbye to Marlene, Layla, Christina, Laura, Jemma, Molly, Amber, and Francesca tonight. Ladies, you have an hour to pack your bags.” Andre said, stepping into the room once again, “As for the rest of you, congratulations on your roses! The 22 of you will be advancing to next week.”   
  
She tuned out the rest of what he was saying, staring straight ahead at Beck. He was too busy listening to Andre to notice Jade glaring daggers at him, but she continued nonetheless. How could he do this to her? They’d talked for less than 5 minutes. She was meant to be part of the group going home, not the group with roses.

Jade crossed her arms as reality sank in. She would have to be here for another week. A week in the villa was a week too long. A week was seven days. A lot of shit could happen in seven days. Seven days was a really long time for someone who didn’t want to be there.

After reevaluating the situation, Jade gave herself a new mission. She had one week to show this guy that she wasn’t going to work. In a week he wouldn’t even care about her, she swore to herself.

He’d already told them what he was looking for, she would just have to make sure she wasn’t it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point, I really am just taking my own artistic liberties, so sorry to anyone who actually watches the Bachelor and was hoping this was accurate. 
> 
> also happy new years :)

Jade sighed internally, taking her place on the couch. That morning they’d been woken up at 7 am to get into hair and makeup. She had gotten to eat a little breakfast afterward but she still felt a little sick to her stomach.

“Good morning, ladies!” Andre greeted, walking into the room, clutching three envelopes. After getting the pleasantries out of the way for the filler footage, he continued, “This week, you’ll be having the first two group dates and Beck’s chosen someone for a one-on-one date. Beck made his decisions last night and I have here the groups he’s split you up into.”

The dating system was dumb. Group dates could barely get counted as dates, she reasoned. This time it would be 11 girls and one Beck. How on earth could that be classified as a date? If anything it was more like hanging out. But in a group of 12, she could conveniently get lost. It would be _such_ a shame if she was unmemorable.

“So! For our first group date, we have…” Andre paused for effect, tearing open the first envelope, “Meredith, Alyssa, Tara, Christy M., Hayley, Gabriella, Gwen, Christy V., Pepper, Jade, and Elise.”

Oh god. If she had to get woken up at 7 just to hear about a damn date, it would have to be a good one.

* * *

“Welcome to paintball!” Andre exclaimed as she stepped out of the car she’d taken on the way here, “Today you’ll be splitting up into 6 teams of 2. I’m sure you all know the drill, but I’ll go over it just in case. Each team has a color and a base, your goal is to get as much coverage on the other teams’ bases. The color that has the most coverage wins today’s date. If you get hit by one of your opponents, you’re out of the game until you tag your own base. You’ll all be suiting up soon, I highly recommend wearing the vest, getting hit with a paintball is a whole different level of hurt and with that. Don’t forget, later tonight one date rose will be given out, and with that, I hand it over to Beck.”

For the first time since this whole ordeal had started, Jade felt a genuine smile spread across her face. Maybe she could actually enjoy herself here for once.

“Hey everyone, I figured we’d start off this whole thing with something fun,” Beck said, waving at the group in front of him, “I’m not sure how many of you have done this before but there’s a first time for everything, this could be pretty chill in my opinion. So let’s team up and then we can get all the equipment sorted out.”

Jade crossed her arms, making sure to avoid the cameras as she rolled her eyes. If Beck Oliver had half a brain he would’ve told them to pick teams randomly, but now he was stuck with every person trying to get him to agree to be on a team with them. Well, except for her. But maybe he liked the attention, she thought. That was probably it. People like him never really had the best track record when it came to being humble.

“Hey, Jade? I’m not really friends with anyone here and I don’t think Beck’s going to pick me, can I be on your team? I don’t think the others like me that much.” A soft voice said behind her.

Jade turned around in surprise to see Maybe-Pepper (who was definitely named Pepper, but the name had stuck) standing there with a nervous look in her eyes. Turned out that she wasn’t the only person here deciding not to chase after Beck, it seemed that Maybe-Pepper had come to the same conclusions as well.

“Pepper, you have excellent taste in people.” Jade told her, “We’re gonna take these bastards down.”

“Oh thank god, I really didn’t want to have to team up with one of them. I knew Beck would never pick me, and you actually look like you know what to do here.” Maybe-Pepper sighed, relief flooding her face.

“Hell yeah, I do.” Jade said, smirking, “And no offense to everyone else, they seem pretty cool and all, but I can guarantee you that you’re better off with me. None of them seem like the type to even go near paintball. We got this on lock.”

Unsurprising to Jade, Beck ended up teaming up with Alyssa for the day, and they could finally get a move on with everything.

Maybe-Pepper wasn’t so bad after all, if anything, she had turned out to be kinda cool. While they’d changed in the provided locker room, she’d learned that Maybe-Pepper’s dad had some huge job in the entertainment industry but she had gone to college for nursing. She was from Quincy, Illinois, and was an only child. Jade justified that if she was going to be miserable on this show, the least she could do for herself was to make a friend or two. Maybe if she could talk to Maybe-Pepper, the indefinite amount of weeks she’d be here for would be slightly more tolerable.

* * *

Jade had always been one for a challenge. This extended to paintball tournaments on a TV show she had no intention of winning as well. Maybe-Pepper was also an easy person to work with, she’d been willing to listen to Jade when it came to strategy. They were going to kick ass, take names, and leave no survivors.

She was aiming to make enemies today. If the other girls hated her enough, word might get around to Beck. Beck had said he didn’t want drama, and if Jade was creating tension, he’d have no choice but to send her home. Maybe he’d even get upset about her over-aggressiveness or get mad that she wouldn’t let him win and decide that she couldn’t stay anymore. Technically, yes, this was the time meant for her to ‘get to know him’, but none of that mattered. He wasn’t worth it at all. 

Yes, he was hot. Extremely hot. But how could nobody else see that it was all surface level? He had everyone in the room wrapped around his finger as if they actually knew him. But they didn’t. They’d watched him on one season of a TV show, they didn’t know shit. 

People like Beck Oliver were the type who thought that the entire world just loved them so much. But not Jade. She wasn’t there for ‘genuine connection’. She wasn’t there for the fame. And she definitely wasn’t there for some air-headed idiot with good hair. She was there because she had no choice. And if beating him at his own game would make him want to kick her off, so be it. She knew what she had to do.

* * *

“Do you want to be defense? I can go out and shoot if you want.” Pepper had whispered once the game had started.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” Jade asked. Not to offend her new friend, but Pepper didn’t really seem like the confrontational type, and that would probably translate to her paintball skills as well.

“Yeah, think about it.” Pepper assured her, “All the gutsy ones are going to try and attack. You’re tougher than me, if you stay here you’ll be able to stand your ground more than I could. If I go out, I’ll be dealing with the scared ones, I can take them.”

Pepper was on to something. 

“Pepper, you’re a genius,” Jade whispered, jaw slightly dropped.

“Wish me luck!” Pepper sang, running into the open field.

Scaring perky blondes turned out to be way more fun than Jade had anticipated. Half an hour had passed and they only had a couple of hits to their base, one from an overly aggressive Hayley, the other from Gwen, who turned out to have more guts than Jade had thought.

Pepper, on the other hand, was killing it. Jade had thought for sure that Pepper would run away at the first sign of conflict, but the other girl only had to tag herself back in twice so far. Turned out that Pepper was kinda badass after all.

In the distance, she spotted Pepper running back to base.

“What the hell happened? You were doing so well!” Jade said, raising her voice once Pepper had returned.

The other girl looked like hell, her vest covered in green paint and desperately gasping for air.

“Hayley and Tara-” Pepper managed to force out, “They’re both guarding their base now- I can’t go up against both of them- You need to come with me.”

“What? Are you insane? We can’t leave our base open like that! Gwen’s definitely gonna come in if we do.” Jade sputtered.

“Jade we have to!” She insisted, “Look, we only need to get two more bases and then we’ve hit them all. Hayley and Tara’s base is closest to ours. If you need to, you can still defend our base from there, you have good enough aim.”

“Fine,” Jade ceded, “But only because they’re close.”

Turned out, Hayley and Tara were only good when up against one person. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t take Jade much effort to scare the two from attacking her and Pepper. 

“You’re leaving your base open!” Tara had shrieked as Jade glared daggers at her.

“Do I look like an idiot? I obviously know that.” Jade yelled, rolling her eyes. She shot at their base, covering it with red paint.

“Jade! Gwen’s coming up on our base!” Pepper warned from where she stood, “You have better aim!”

Turning immediately, Jade saw Gwen running towards their base, aiming her paint gun. Not on her watch. Absolutely not. She aimed at Gwen, hitting her squarely in the middle of her vest. Gwen threw her arms up in exasperation, looking around wildly until her eyes landed on Jade. Jade gave her a sarcastic smile, waving slightly as Gwen rolled her eyes before making her way towards her own base.

“Turn around.” She heard Hayley say from behind her. 

She was immediately met with the sight of Hayley’s gun pointed directly at her. Oh shit. There was no escape from this point. She’d fucked up big time.

“Pepper watch out!” She yelled upon seeing Tara making her way towards the other girl. 

Hayley promptly fired at Jade, wincing as green paint splattered her vest. Pepper had turned too late, getting hit by Tara.

“What do we do now?” Pepper worried when they returned, “They got us.”

“Yeah, but we got good coverage.” Jade pointed out, “We got their base. We just need to get the other one, whose are we missing?”

“Beck and Alyssa’s. They’re the farthest from here, I couldn’t reach it without getting shot.” Pepper told her. “Gwen got me every time I even got close. Maybe we just shouldn’t go after them. We got everyone else’s we should be fine.”

“No, we can’t give up now!” Jade insisted, “Besides, what’s the point of trying to beat everyone if we go easy on Beck? You know, just because you’re trying to date this guy, doesn’t mean that we can’t beat him at his own game.”

“But I can’t go! I get shot every time!” Pepper sputtered.

“Then I’ll go.” Jade spat out, “I’m faster and they’re too scared of me, they won’t shoot me.”

Besides, she’d give anything to kick Beck’s ass, even just once.

* * *

“So Jade, how did it feel winning?” Robbie-the-producer asked her from behind the camera.

Technically, they’d won hours ago, but the feeling was still fresh in her mind.

“Winning?” She smirked to herself. She was pretty sure the footage would be unusable if she said what she wanted to. And then they’d make her reshoot her confessional, which would be more work on her part. So she’d have to settle for censoring her thoughts instead. “Feels pretty good not gonna lie. I’m proud of us.”

“Do you think you’re going to get a rose tonight then?” Robbie read off of his clipboard.

“Uhhh…” No. She sure as hell hoped not. But she couldn’t say that, of course not. “I’ve been trying not to think too much about the rose later tonight. I know Pepper really wants it, so I’m crossing my fingers for her. She deserves it too, in my opinion.”

There. If that wasn’t enough to keep them content with her, she didn’t know what was, after all, she’d given them what they wanted. She still felt slightly smug from the earlier win but she wasn’t about to go on and on about it on camera.

“Am I good now?” She asked, practically bolting from her seat when Robbie had nodded. 

This had been only her first confessional, but she hated it already. It was ironic that confessionals were meant for them to ‘give their true feelings’, but she still had to lie. 

How had it only been two weeks? She had been so sure she’d be home by now, and the second week hadn’t even ended yet. Hell, the day hadn’t ended either. Oh god, how was she going to get through the night?

* * *

“Oh my god! I’m telling you, someone’s got to stop her!” Jade looked up to see a close to tears woman storm into the room. Once again, she had no idea this woman was, but apparently she’d been here the entire time. Apparently, rage bursting into tears was a common occurrence on this show.

“What happened?” Pepper asked, brow furrowed in concern.

“What do you think! I’m so sick of Hayley,” she spat out, “She stole him again! She never lets anyone have time!”

They were back to this problem again. Jade sighed, taking a long sip from her champagne flute. If this was what they wanted to talk about, she was in for a long night.

It was the same thing as last time. Someone had gone off to talk to Beck and Hayley unsurprisingly interrupted. How the general public was watching this, she wasn’t sure. It was the same thing twice in a row. The only thing that had changed was the setting. Was it really that different if it took place at the villa or a nightclub? If she’d been watching a show and the first two episodes had the same conflict, she’d shut it off immediately.

Resisting the urge to sigh loudly and throw her head back in exhaustion, she bit her cheek. Weren’t they tired of having this conversation yet? Surely they all got the point; _We all hate Hayley except for Tara blah, blah, blah._ Same old shit as before. Why did it even matter? Beck had already given Hayley the rose from tonight, who cared if she was talking to him? She already had it, he wasn’t going to take it back from her if he stopped talking to Hayley.

“Okay stop.” Alyssa sighed from her seat, “Why can’t we just send someone to re-interrupt Hayley? That way we give her a taste of her own medicine.”

“You know if we do that she’s just going to pick a fight.” Someone said.

“Jade you do it!” Meredith called out, looking at Jade pleadingly.

“What?” Jade stared at her in bewilderment, “Are you insane? I’m not going out there, the night’s almost over anyway. Gwen can do it.”

“No I can’t,” Gwen scoffed, “Hayley’s fine with fighting me. She’s scared of you though.”

“She shot me earlier!” Jade spat out, “She’s not scared of me.”

“Yes, she is. She only shot because you turned around,” Meredith said, nodding.

“Jade just do it!” Pepper told her, shoving her off her seat.

 _What don’t you guys get,_ Jade thought, _I don’t want to talk to that dude._

But apparently, everyone else had other plans for her. She was going to have to do it. There was no way out of it or any reason for her to not want to. 

Seeing the look on her face, Alyssa asked her hesitantly, “Wait, why don’t you want to? Did something happen?”

_Ohshitohshitohshit._

“No, I’m just… out of it right now.” Jade deflected, “You know, all the paintball just tired me out. But fine I’ll do it. Someone needs to put her in her place.”

Two weeks hadn’t even been up and everything was already falling apart. Why had she even come up with a plan if it was all going to backfire? She heavily considered just going to the producers and quitting straight up. It would be so easy to go up to them and tell them, _‘I’m leaving, this was a mistake. You can’t stop me.’_ But she could practically hear Cat reminding her of the blacklist. No matter how hard she wanted to, she couldn’t just leave. Not when it would ruin her reputation. She had never cared about what people thought of her, but she wasn’t going to put her career on the line. 

God, if only she’d just lost the game. If she hadn’t done anything they wouldn’t be sending her to do this. She internally cursed herself. Surely it wouldn’t have killed her to turn down a challenge _once._

Shoving the door open, she stepped out onto the balcony. She looked around until she spotted Hayley and Beck. Making her way towards the two of them, she plastered a tense smile on her face.

Hayley stiffened up immediately glaring at her, “Can I help you?” She said sharply.

“Glad you asked.” Jade deadpanned. She turned to face Beck, “Beck, can I steal you for a sec?”

Beck stared at her in confusion, “Uh, yeah for sure.”

Hayley’s face turned sour as she got up to leave. Jade quickly sat in her place, yelling at herself internally. God, the rest of them owed her big time. 

“I was starting to think you were never going to come talk with me,” He said, shooting a smile at her.

“Oh, you know,” She sighed, “I’m just… Tired from paintball…”

“Well, it was really cool watching you earlier today.” He admitted.

“You were watching me?” Jade asked, furrowing her brow in confusion.

“Of course I did,” He said, nudging her lightly, “You were pretty badass out there, not gonna lie.”

“Thanks,” She fought the smile threatening to break out on her face, “No offense, but you guys kinda sucked.”

“Yeah, we kinda did.” He laughed. If Beck Oliver was good for anything, it would be for his hair and his laugh, she decided. He was still an idiot and she couldn’t have cared less about him or any possible romance with him. But at least he had slightly redeemable qualities.

But hair and laughs weren’t enough to make her care about any of this.

Maybe if they’d met under different circumstances they could be friends. But she’d be going back home by the end of the week, there was no point in pursuing anything. No one came on the show to make friends, that just wasn’t how it worked.

“Did you come out here for any reason or?” Beck looked at her expectantly.

“Uh, no not really.” She admitted, “Everyone was just telling me to go talk to you, so I did. Besides, I figured you could use someone new to talk to.”

“Oh.” His face fell slightly. Maybe he hadn’t been as annoyed with Hayley as much as the others were. Maybe he had liked Hayley’s company. Although she was pretty sure that didn’t matter to the others, they just wanted Jade to scare her off. “Well, I’m glad you’re here anyway.”

She hated this. Small talk was dumb.. She had always hated it, the way people held each other at a distance, the way conversation would still, forcing people to fill awkward silences. If people weren’t friends they shouldn’t be forced into conversation. 

“You look like you’re thinking.” He said, breaking her concentration, “Care to share?”

“I hate small talk.” She blurted out without thinking.

He gave her an amused look, “I get it. It’s like a conversation minus all the best parts.”

“Haven’t the past few days been small talk for you though?” She was stalling at this point, but she couldn’t just say _‘Cool, I’m going now. I’m bored and didn’t even want to be here in the first place, bye.’_

“Yeah, they kinda have.” He admitted, nodding, “But that’s the point, isn’t it? Get all the small talk out of the way, and then eventually find someone you can actually talk to?”

Jade narrowed her eyes, “That’s a lot of work just for someone to talk to.” She said sharply. 

He was a liar, just like she was. This entire thing was built on lies. People like him were after fame, no matter what they said on TV. They were both actors, this was their job. But the difference was that he was here willingly. He was here because of _something_. The money, the fame, whatever the hell happened to people on this show. 

“It is, but it’ll be worth it in the end.” 

“You don’t know that. You could be wasting your time for all you know.”

“Yeah, I guess I could be.” He let out a sigh, “But everything leads to something, yeah?”

“If you say so.” She shrugged, “I just think that this is a whole lotta work.”

“Well, _you’re_ here.” He paused, “So it had to be worth it to you too.”

What the hell was that even supposed to mean? She had half a mind to tell him off. What did he know? He didn’t know her, he didn’t know shit.

“You don’t know me.” She said defensively before she could stop herself.

“So you’ve said,” He retorted. 

She sat up straighter, meeting his eyes. “This is our third time talking and I haven’t told you anything about myself… You do the math.”

“Sometimes actions speak louder than words, Jade.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She was starting to sound like Cat, oh god.

“I just think that even though you haven’t said much, you’re still giving away stuff about yourself.” 

She scoffed. Why was he making things harder than they needed to be? _Just hate me already, she thought. Not everything is super deep and meaningful, idiot._

“Why are you so against me knowing you anyways?” He asked, “You honestly don’t seem that bad.”

“I just- I’m not used to opening up to people, okay?” She answered half-truthfully, “Like I said, we’ve only spoken to each other three times. You don’t think it’s a little weird to give up information about yourself after less than two weeks?”

He shrugged, “I don’t keep secrets.” He said nothing else. As if not keeping secrets was the key to all of life’s problems.

“Some of us like privacy.” She spat out. Getting up, she stormed back into the building before he could say anything. She wasn’t going to debate with him, not over this. What didn’t he get? She wasn’t just going to do what he wanted her to. She wasn’t right for this, she wasn’t what he wanted.

“Woah, are you good? You look pissed.” Pepper said, giving her a look.

“I am.” She said bitterly, “Don’t ask.”

“Well, if it makes you feel better. I think you should’ve gotten the rose tonight.” Meredith said, consolingly.

It didn’t. But it wasn’t fair to pick a fight with Meredith. Not when Meredith was trying to be nice.

* * *

The rest of the week dragged on without any issue. After the first night, she’d reset and made sure to stay out of attention, reassuring herself that it would all be over soon. 

“Can you tell us what happened a few nights ago?” Robbie-the-producer asked. She knew it was a ploy to stir up drama. They were treading dangerous waters now.

She gave the same half-assed excuse about being tired that she had given Alyssa, choosing her words carefully. By now, she’d already clocked out. Two weeks in here were basically two weeks in hell. Pepper wasn’t too bad but she was sure that part of her soul was dying every night that she stayed.

Robbie dismissed her shortly after, allowing her to return to the villa right before the rose ceremony.

Andre started it off with the typical introduction, wishing them luck.

But there was no way she was staying this week. They hadn’t even talked after that first night. There had been another group date a few days after and from what she’d heard it hadn’t gone too badly. Four were getting eliminated tonight and he’d already given out three roses after each date, leaving only fifteen roses for tonight. Hayley had gotten a rose after the first group date, he’d given one to a girl named Becca after the second group date, and Meredith had received her rose after her solo-date with Beck.

Unsurprisingly, Alyssa received the first rose of the ceremony. 

What was surprising, however, was what happened after he’d given the rose to Alyssa.

“Jade.” He called.

She froze slightly before making her way to the front.

“Will you accept this rose?”

What did he even want from her? Couldn’t he see that she was doing everything in her power to get eliminated? How had fighting with him given her an extension? She stared at him in disbelief, cemented to her spot.

She took it from him, forcing a smile despite the sick feeling in her stomach, “I will.”

When she returned to her spot, she stared at the rose in her hand helplessly. Surely there had been a mistake. Surely any moment now he’d be changing his mind and taking it back.

It wasn’t until Andre had come to announce the departures that she was forced to face the truth.

“We’ll, unfortunately, be saying goodbye to Amy, Elizabeth, Daisy, and Regina tonight. Please say your goodbyes now.” 

She was meant to be part of that, she thought bitterly. Why wouldn’t he give it up already? What part of keeping things to herself did he not understand?

“There has to be a mistake!” She demanded, storming into the producers’ section.

“Sorry, Jade but that’s impossible. He goes over his picks ten minutes before the ceremony. If you got one, it’s because he actually wants to give you one.” Robbie-the-producer insisted, “I don’t know why you’re upset, you’re getting incredible ratings.”

“Are you up to this? Do you tell him who to pick?”

“No, we have absolutely no interference when it comes to the rose ceremony.” He told her.

He was lying, she was sure of it. She glared at Robbie.

“Then why do I have this?”

“I don’t know, Jade. I really don’t.” Robbie shrugged, “Maybe he’s into that kind of thing.”

She sighed in defeat. _Two weeks down, one more to go,_ she thought bitterly to herself. What had the others done that she hadn’t? Ignoring him hadn’t worked and apparently fighting hadn’t either, so what was it going to take for him to send her home? She fought the sick feeling that was beginning to consume her entirely, this was about to be the longest week of her life, she was sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll have to bear with me here. I'm still trying to find my pacing with this fic, it's hard to write something that should be in film format (idk if that makes sense, it's just hard to take a TV concept and put it into writing though). Also because I don't really watch the Bachelor there's A Lot more research going into this fic, so updates won't be coming out as quick as they did with my other fic. But these chapters are significantly longer so I hope that makes up for it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made Instagrams for a bunch of the other characters and they're all at the end of the chapter. Not that anyone cares, but I had fun making them lmaooooo

Jade was giving up on the entire thing, she decided. 

If all her efforts had led to three weeks in this fresh hell, maybe it had been the wrong approach. If she gave up now, he was sure to get bored of her eventually. Because even though she’d been quite obviously cold towards him, it was still making for good footage. But if she just stopped trying, there’d be nothing interesting to film. And if she ceased to be entertaining, it would probably be enough of a cause for the network higher-ups to want her off the show.

Also, she was pretty sure that if she kept acting out, she wouldn’t be doing her image any good.  _ After all, image is everything in this industry, _ she thought bitterly to herself. She could do this. Of course she could. Acting had always come naturally to her, why should this be any different?

Besides, it was painfully obvious to her who the final contestants would end up being. Meredith had got picked for the one-on-one date, Hayley was the first name on the week’s group date card, and Alyssa had received the first rose of the night both times. They seemed like exactly the type of person who typically won too, but of course, reality TV was nothing if not predictable.

The first half of the week had been pretty calm. Jade hadn’t been picked for either of the first two dates and she’d pretty much assumed that she had a chance to get out of the week without having to do anything.

But of course, she had assumed wrong. And by around noon on Thursday, she found herself getting shoved into hair and makeup for the night’s group date.

She stared blankly at herself in the mirror.  _ What are you even doing here? _ She scolded herself,  _ You’ve been here two weeks longer than you said you would. You failed. _ Failed was too harsh, she reasoned, postponed was a better word for it. She hadn’t necessarily  _ failed _ . It was more that her plans to be back home had been  _ postponed.  _

She thought morosely to the auditions she knew she was missing. Her agent had wanted to send her out to audition for some new musical. It would have been last week and she had been dying to go. But instead she had been here, playing paintball and picking fights with a fame-seeking pretty boy that refused to let her leave.

“Hey, do you even know where they’re sending us?” She asked while picking at the rip in her jeans and turned in her chair to Gwen, who was also getting ready for the night.

“Yeah, I asked some PA earlier, they’re sending us to one of those paint-along classes. You know the ones? With the wine?” Gwen replied, smirking.

“That’s it?” Jade asked, raising a brow, “Nothing wild and crazy this week? I don’t have to shoot you in the chest and defend my base?”

“No I don’t think so,” Gwen laughed, “I think Beck realized that literal warfare doesn’t make for a great date. After all, isn’t he all about keeping things ‘laid back’?”

Jade laughed before she had even realized it left her mouth, maybe Gwen didn’t totally suck either.

* * *

When it was time to leave for the night, the producers split the eight of them into two cars of four. Jade’s car had Pepper (of course), Gwen (who didn’t totally suck), and Alyssa Vaughn (who was already Gwen’s in-show best friend and who Jade refused to call anything but her full name).

“I’m driving.” Jade demanded when they’d approached their car and promptly took the driver’s seat.

It hadn’t been too hard to get to their location. Of course, the producers had put the address in the GPS and all she’d had to do was follow it, but Jade’d had enough experience with crappy GPS’s to be wary of them.

During the drive, Jade had learned that her car-mates weren’t totally bad. Sure, she’d spent her first two weeks drowning out any and all noises from any other contestant, but the three with her in the car turned out to be not too bad. Of course, she already knew Pepper didn’t suck, but the other two came as a pleasant surprise. 

If she were to take anything from this experience, it was that Pepper Meadowes — the nurse from Illinois who liked growing vegetables in her backyard, Jane Austen novels and period-drama movies, Gwen Pozanski-McDonald — a law student from Montreal who had two dads and a small youtube channel she ran on the side, and Alyssa Vaughn — the socialite Instagram model who was also a psychologist and thought that the best artificial flavor was blue raspberry, didn’t completely suck.

Make no mistake, Jade still hated everything that was happening. But if she was going to suffer in hell, at least she didn’t totally hate everyone.

* * *

“Tonight you’ll be taking a paint-along class.” Andre informed them, once both cars had reached their destination.

Jade and the rest of her car had the decency to act even a little surprised, despite the fact that Gwen had told them almost immediately.

“Don’t forget, one of you will be getting a rose after tonight’s date, so try to do your best.” Andre reminded before letting them enter the building.

Jade realized that this was the first she’d actually seen Beck that week. This was also the first time she’d seen him in clothes that weren’t formal wear or a paintball vest. She liked his shirt. It was the kind of flannel that she’d steal from a friend’s closet and refuse to give back until they eventually gave up and let her keep it. She considered taking it then, after all, he had a shirt on underneath, it wasn’t like she’d be leaving him completely shirtless, but decided against it. It would probably be weird to steal a shirt from someone who you had barely talked to, especially when you had fought with them the last time you interacted.  _ I would look so cute in that shirt _ , she thought remorsefully, finally tearing her gaze from his back.

* * *

Their instructor was some guy named Michael, he was a typical pretentious art guy who was trying to convince them that he wasn’t pretentious, Jade thought. But at least there was wine. He also refused to let them call him an instructor. He was merely a guide, he had insisted, he was there to  _ help _ them paint their own visions, not give them concrete instructions. 

So why did hers look like shit? 

This wasn’t a surprise to her at all. She had always been crappy at art. Art wasn’t precise, it had a loose guideline if anything. Art was never her thing.

“Oh my god,” She muttered breathlessly, “this actually looks like garbage.”

Pepper peeked over at her canvas, stifling a laugh, “I’m sorry but, it really does.” She said before giving in and bending over in a fit of laughs.

“Stop laughing at me! I took  _ artistic liberties _ .” Jade said, shooting a look of fake-anger in Pepper’s direction, “Yours sucks too!”

It was true, neither of them were necessarily gifted when it came to physical art.

“What the  _ hell _ , Alyssa? Why is your’s good? This is so rude.” Jade scoffed, leaning over to see the others’.

Gwen turned sharply, shoving Alyssa out of the way to look, “ _ Alyssa _ , I can’t believe you.” She reprimanded mockingly, “I thought we were all gonna suck at this  _ together _ !”

“Sorry?” Alyssa shrugged, “I went to art camp when every summer when I was younger.”

“Oh  _ of course _ you did.” Pepper sighed, rolling her eyes, “Meanwhile, the rest of us are here left with flaming garbage.”

“Some of us suck, Alyssa, don’t be a gank.” Jade deadpanned before hiding a laugh behind her hand. The combination of wine and self-deprecation of their own paintings had led them to hilarity.

Granted, they hadn’t actually seen the other paintings. It seemed that the other car had the same idea as them and had formed their own mini-group. For all Jade knew, they could’ve been a group of extremely talented painters who were on Rafael or DaVinci’s level. Although, if they were, she reasoned, the cameras probably would have flocked to them by now.

“Huh, turns out you’re not perfect at everything.” A voice said from behind her.

She turned to see Beck standing there. She wasn’t sure when he’d walked over, but apparently he had been there long enough to look at your painting.

“I never said I was.” She said flatly if not slightly confused. Who did he think he was? He wasn’t on her list of people who didn’t totally suck, he didn’t get to make fun of her like they did.

“No, you didn’t.” He responded, “I just kinda assumed that you were after last week.”   
  
“Paint _ ball _ and paint _ ing _ are two wildly different things.” She retorted harshly, lifting her head in challenge.

He held up his hands in surrender, “Yes, I’m aware.” He laughed, “I just think that compared to paintball, painting is relatively easy.”   
  
“Oh it is,” She confirmed, glaring at him, “But I think you’ll find that I’m not a relatively easy person.”

“I could kinda already tell that.”

She opened her mouth to argue, but decided against it.  _ You said you weren’t going to care this week, _ she reminded herself. She couldn’t let herself get all riled up again, not like last week.

Instead she settled for rolling her eyes, which garnered another laugh and a smirk from Beck, who then moved on to talk to Alyssa and look at her objectively-better painting.

“Let’s see yours then.” Jade called over, her residual anger coming back to the surface, not willing to let him go that easily.

“Mine? Sure if you want.” He shrugged, walking over to his easel.

Damn it, his was good too. Jade fought her expression down to indifference as the others around her gave their compliments. Maybe if she were a better person, she’d compliment him as well.

Unfortunately for him, she wasn’t.

“See? I don’t think it’s too bad.” He said, gesturing to his canvas.

“Huh. Maybe you’re not completely talentless,” She said dryly, crossing her arms.

“I’d be offended, but coming from you that’s high praise.”

She stopped herself before her jaw could fully drop open. Oh he was getting bold now. She raised her eyebrows, taken aback. He smirked, clearly pleased that he’d garnered a reaction from her.  _ Asshole, _ she scoffed internally. She’d do anything to punch the smug look off of his face. She would never. But she could always dream.

* * *

The hell that was paint-along class was finally over. Surprisingly, the deemed ‘winner’ of the night was Maya who was now clutching the rose in her hand, beaming. Jade didn’t really know Maya, but her painting hadn’t sucked either.

Jade stood in the lobby and stared at the shelves of scented candles. The night was over but the producers were still getting extra footage which left those not filming confessionals to their own devices. Five dollars for a candle wasn’t bad… She wouldn’t be able to use it that week or until she was back home, but it would be a fun if she ever had people over at her apartment, she decided.  _ ‘Hey wanna know the story behind this candle? I got it on an involuntary date with some idiot and 7 other girls. Wait until I tell you about how I got there.’ _ she told a faceless, imaginary crowd that only existed in her mind.

“You gonna get one?” Beck asked, pointing to the shelves and taking the spot next to her.

“I dunno.” She shrugged and kept her eyes straight ahead, staring at the identical jars in front of her.

“I didn’t peg you for a candle person.” He admitted, “And before you say it, I know, I know— I don’t know you. They just don’t seem like your thing.”

“Look at that, you’re learning!” She smirked, “I don’t know what a ‘candle person’ seems like or what you pegged me for, but yeah. Candles are cool I guess. They’re fun for sitting in the dark and making your room look like a witch’s den. You just can’t get that type of ambiance lighting from lamps, you know. With lamps you just have boring  _ light _ , with candles you’re either getting laid or getting murdered, who knows?”

He laughed his oddly-nice-to-hear laugh. “I thought you’d say something like that.”

“Did you now?” She deadpanned, “Maybe you really are learning.”

“So what scent are you gonna get?” He asked, changing the subject.

“I dunno,” She shrugged again, “Green apple kinda seems cool, not gonna lie. What the hell is a mangosteen? There’s a whole section of mangosteen candles but I don’t think I’ve ever fucking heard of that.”

“I think it’s a fruit?” He replied. Well no shit, Sherlock. But then again, what else should she expect from him.

“Jade, let’s go! You’re driving again, right? They’re letting us leave and Pepper’s all wine-tipsy.” Gwen called.

Jade turned to see Gwen and Alyssa helping Pepper out the door. She rolled her eyes, running to keep up with them. She didn’t particularly feel like driving again, but they were  _ finally  _ allowed to leave and she planned on getting out of there as soon as possible. She was definitely going to need a break before the rose ceremony tonight.

* * *

“What did you guys do tonight?” Meredith asked later that night before the rose ceremony.

“This paint-along class. We did some painting of the woods and a moon and all that stuff.” Alyssa told her.

“Did you guys have fun?” Meredith, ever the prier, asked again.

“I never want to talk about tonight ever again,” Jade snapped, drawing another sip from her champagne flute.

“She’s mad because hers sucked.” Gwen laughed.

“Oh my god, shut up.” Jade groaned, the night had already gone on for long enough. At this rate, the next two hours were going to drag on for forever, “Someone make her go away. Go outside and talk to Beck or something.”

“Even if I wanted to, I can’t. Hayley’s talking to him again.” Gwen replied.

“Again? Come on there’s no way that’s allowed. Do the producers know about this?” Alyssa complained, craning her neck to look out the window.   
  
“Bold of you to assume the producers aren’t the ones sending her sending her out there.” Jade smirked, leaning back in her chair.

“Well that’s ridiculous,” Alyssa responded, getting up from her seat, “I’m not letting that slide, I’m going out there.”

Jade wondered if anyone notice if she snuck upstairs to the bedrooms. As much as she was trying not to be a bitch to everyone, socialization was still exhausting and her social battery was running low. 

“I’m so damn tired.” She sighed. If she couldn’t go upstairs at least she always had complaining. It was the damn producers’ fault. Couldn’t they have put the date last night instead of making them do it the same night as the rose ceremony?

She got up and walked to the kitchen, looking for the coffee machine.

“Coffee at 10 pm?” Pepper asked, a little too loudly, turning from where she stood.

“I’m exhausted from dealing with your drunk ass all night.” She shrugged, “What are you even doing here?”

“I’m spying on everything that’s happening outside. The producers won’t let me go out there but I can see everything from this window anyways.”

Not letting Pepper outside might have the smartest idea the producers had had this season. Jade waited for her coffee to finish and watched as Pepper giggled lightly to herself.

“Anything exciting happen yet?” Jade asked.

“Nah, but I don’t think Hayley’s gonna last long here.” Pepper sighed softly, swaying slightly.

“No?” Jade raised a brow, “I was honestly thinking that she’d make it to the final three.”

“Definitely not. It’s just all for the villain edit, not because he actually likes her. I’ve been watching them, I don’t think they have anything to talk about out there.”

“Villain edit?” Jade pulled a face.

“Yeah, you don’t know what that is?” Pepper turned to face her with a confused look on her face.

Jade shrugged.

“Huh, weird. You’re an actor, I figured you would.” She continued, “Anyways, the villain edit’s a reality TV thing. It’s when they edit someone to look like the villain, even if they’re not. A lot of the time people try to get the villain edit on purpose so they get more screen time. It’s great for the fame.”

“Hm, not surprising. But still, it’s kinda shitty that producers let it happen.” Jade scoffed.

“It’s not just Hayley.” Pepper insisted, “It’s kinda funny, actually. We’re all here for a reason, even if we don’t know what it is.”

“Whatever,” She said, shaking her head, “This is why I hate doing TV.”

Jade stared down at her mug. Could she even take what Drunk-Pepper seriously? Yes, her dad was a TV executive, so she’d probably know better than Jade, but still. It left a weird, tripped out feeling in Jade’s head.

Jade opened the door to the back area.  _ I need some fucking air _ , she thought dryly. All of it was way too much, it was getting to her head. She had never been one to let things get to her, but reality was warped here. Everything was slightly off. It was like waking up in an alternate universe where everything was moved three centimeters to the left— everything seemed normal on the surface, but you could tell something slightly off.

She looked around, sitting on the bench-swing she’d found on her first night.  _ Who even are you? _ She asked herself. Since when did she make  _ friends _ ? It was all the producers and all things Bachelor around her, she reasoned. It was easier to just go with it at this point. She found herself constantly having to remind herself not to do anything she’d regret later.  _ You promised to make sure your reputation stayed in tact,  _ she thought bitterly,  _ You can’t fuck up too much. _

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Alyssa go back inside. Oh god, at any minute Hayley would come running out again.

“Hi again.” She heard from behind her.

She fought a gasp of surprise, turning around.  _ Oh god. _

“Holy shit! Don’t sneak up on me, Beck.” She said, shooting him a glare.

“Sorry,” Beck shrugged halfheartedly.  _ Sorry my ass _ , she scoffed internally, fighting back an eye roll.

“Isn’t this supposed to be the other way around? Aren’t I supposed to be the one coming to you instead of you coming to me?” She asked.

“Yeah, but you never do. So here I am.” He said simply and took the seat beside her, “Anyways— aren’t you gonna ask what I’m doing here?”

“Fine, what are you doing here? Since you clearly want me to ask.” She asked, giving him a look of half confusion, half amusement.

“Okay, close your eyes first.” He said barely containing his smile.

“What? No. Are you kidding? There’s no way I’m doing that.” She scoffed.

“Yeah, didn’t think you would, but it was worth a try.” He shrugged, reaching into his pocket, “Here, at least stick out your hand.” 

She gave him a skeptical look, but extended her hand anyways.

“Thank you for your cooperation,” He continued as she rolled her eyes, “Anyways! I wanted to give you this.”

She stared at her hand, blinking in confusion for a moment, before it hit her. He’d gotten her the candle from earlier.

“That’s the right one, yeah?” He asked slightly nervous, “I just remember talking about that one but I wasn’t totally sure.”

“No, yeah this is- this is the right one, I just. Why would you do that? I mean, you didn’t have to-” She said breathlessly, looking up at him.

“I felt bad that you didn’t get the chance to buy one, so I got it for you so you turn your room into a witch den as much as you want.” He smiled, letting out a sigh of relief.

“I don’t really know what to say here,” She stammered, “Thank you. Really.”

“No problem,” He nodded before getting back up, “Anyways, you looked like you were busy earlier so I’ll leave you alone now, I just thought I’d give it to you now.”

And with that he left her alone once again, staring at the candle in her hand.

Why was he being nice to her? It was then she realized that he'd always been _nice,_ he hadn't actually did anything wrong. But still. He was being... Nice.

For the first time in her life, Jade felt kinda guilty. He had really went out of his way to do something… Well, something  _ nice. _

Guilt was never an emotion that belonged to Jade. Anger? Yes. Devastation? Probably. But guilt? That was never her.

It was a damn  _ candle _ , it shouldn’t have been that deep. It really shouldn’t have.

But she couldn’t help the sinking feeling in her gut.

She hadn’t made him do anything, but that wasn’t the issue. It was the fact that he even did something in the first place.

Here she had been, arguing with him only a week before, and here had been, exactly a week later, doing something nice for her just because she’d mentioned it.

Jade had always been a little cold, but she wasn’t totally heartless. Surely if he’d gone out of his way to do something nice for her, she could at least be a little nice to him. Not being a massive bitch counted for something, right?

Jade knew that she had always been a little quick to judge. She also knew that being quick to judge meant that sometimes she was wrong. She’d always prided herself on being an excellent judge of character. But even she wasn’t perfect. Even she had occasional lapses in judgement.

That didn’t mean she liked Beck though. No, when it came to Beck she was still conflicted. On one hand, he didn’t seem to be as fame-seeking and self-absorbed as she originally thought. Turned out, he could actually be nice at times. 

But that didn’t mean she didn’t hate him. Sure, she had maybe mis-interpreted him, but that didn’t change the fact that they were strangers. They were strangers thrown into this god-awful situation that she just needed to get out of.

But if she was going to be stuck here, at least he wasn’t all that bad. It could definitely be worse.

* * *

Later that night, when her name was called, for the first time, she hadn’t felt the same hostility she had the weeks before.

She wasn’t dumb. She knew that niceties alone didn’t mean anything. She was still here to get eliminated. But it was different.

So when he asked her, “Jade. Will you accept this rose?” She hadn’t felt obligated to say yes.

Of course, no had never been an option. But this time yes was only a slight loss.

“Yes.” She replied only slightly grudgingly. After all, she’d just decided that maybe he wasn’t all that bad. Maybe they could actually be nice to each other. Maybe she didn't have to go through an entire week getting irrationally angry at nothing. Despite however she might come across, angry was not a fun emotion. Angry was stressful. Angry wasted her time.

So, she said yes for the chance to not be angry. She said yes for the newly-found possibility of something that wasn't hate. She said yes for her self-appointed truce with him. He would never know about it, but it still existed to her.

Saying yes for the candle sounded shallow and materialistic. But it still beared some truth. If she was being honest, yes. She said yes because despite all the hostility, he was good enough to do something nice. Doing one nice thing didn’t suddenly make this the best situation ever, but it did  _ something  _ to erase any harsh feelings she had previously had.

_ Okay, then,  _ she told herself.  _ You’re here for another week. That makes a month. Now what are you going to do about it? _

* * *

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... maybe not my favorite chapter, but even in my first drafts, week three was always pretty boring. But ugh look at her go, she's finally realizing that he maybe doesn't totally suck :)


	5. Chapter 5

“Date cards are in! Andre just dropped them off!” Tara squealed, rushing into the dining room. How a human could possibly have that much energy in the morning was beyond Jade.

“Lemme see, lemme see!” Gwen chimed, leaping over a chair and grabbing the envelopes from Tara.

“Calm  _ down _ , you thirsty spazzes. It’s been a month, we all know how this works by now,” Jade called from her seat, not looking up from her coffee.

She was met with various  _ shush _ es from the others around her. She held her hands up in surrender. Holy shit, was it really that deep?

“Read them already!” Maya demanded, anxiously wringing her hands together.

“Okay, okay!” Gwen said, clearing her throat before dramatically opening the first envelope, “So! The people going on today’s group date are… Drumroll, please… Christy V., Gabriella, Jenny, Hayley, Pepper, Alyssa, and— oh wow would you look at that— me!”

Pepper turned to Jade, frowning, “Aw man, this is the first group date that we’re not doing together. What am I gonna to do when Hayley hogs up all the attention?”

Jade shrugged, it was bound to happen at one point. Although, she wasn’t sure what would happen on her group date without her semi-friends, as she’d come to call them.

“Read the other ones!” Maya called out once again, “I wanna know who the other group is.”

Gwen held up the second envelope, “This could either be the second group date or the one-on-one, but we’re about to find out.”

Jade rolled her eyes as Gwen tore open into the second envelope with a flourish.

“Ooh, okay— So it’s the one-on-one! And it’s— Oh my god—” Gwen broke off with a squeal, giggling as she read the envelope.

“What?! Who is it?!” Pepper asked, pushing her way through the group to check the envelope before gasping.

“Who is it?” Hayley demanded.

“Jade!” Gwen managed to get out between laughs, although in Jade’s opinion she was starting to cackle.

Jade looked up, temporarily paralyzed with shock. There was no way her name was actually on the card, they were for sure messing with her. 

“Oh come on, you’re shitting me. What’s it actually say?”

“No, it’s actually you, I swear!” Pepper insisted, turning the envelope around, “Look at you go!”

_ Oh. _

“ _ What?! _ ” She snatched the card from Pepper and Gwen’s hands. She scanned the card quickly, letting out a sigh, “You were actually serious...”

“We wouldn’t do you like that,” Gwen reassured, “Jade this is awesome!”   
  
“Yeah! You get to spend some time with Beck without us annoying you all night!” Pepper cheered.

“Yep… That’s— That’s just so great.” Jade said through a tight smile, in what she hoped passed for an excited voice.

There was no fucking way she got a one-on-one date before even Alyssa or Hayley, that was insane.

What the hell was she supposed to do now? It had been fine when it was a group of them, but being alone? For once, Jade was at a loss for what to do. 

Sure, she had decided that spending all her time hating Beck was a waste. But simply not-hating something wasn’t really a solution to everything, was it?

Oh god, what was she going to do? Sure, they’d been able to have five-minute long conversations, but that didn’t mean shit. One scented candle and a decision to not hate someone didn’t make for much of a date in her opinion. But here she was anyway, her name written on the card that she held in her hand.

She turned it over once, twice, as if it would change if she checked it enough times. Oh she was screwed for sure.

* * *

Turned out, the villa was pretty fucking boring with all of her friends gone. Even the producers were leaving them alone for the most part, and that was something they never did. 

Not long after the group had left, Meredith had come practically skipping from where she’d been filming a confessional.

“Hi, Jade!” She practically peeped, running up to Jade.

“Hi.” She replied stiffly.

To be brutally honest, Jade didn’t like Meredith. It was as easy as that. No hard feelings or anything, but she just couldn’t bring herself to get along with Meredith. She was too… Perky? Sure, most people on this show were perky, and she’d managed to become friends with some of them. But Meredith took perky to a whole new level.

And Jade didn’t do perky.

“I figured we could talk before you go upstairs?”

Jade paused slightly, what the hell could Meredith Frank  _ ever  _ want to talk to her about?

She eyed the other girl skeptically and stopped walking, “About what specifically?”

“Anything you want to!” Meredith said, “But I was a little curious about you and Beck?”

_ Here we fucking go _ , Jade thought, stopping herself before she rolled her eyes.

Of course Meredith wanted to talk about Beck. After all, as Pepper had put it, she’d broken her “streak”.

Jade couldn’t help but feel slightly offended. Not as someone who was actually after Beck but for literally everyone else here. Personally, she couldn’t have cared less about him, but if she  _ did _ she should be able to without Meredith breathing down her neck.

“What exactly do you want to know?” She spat with more venom than she had meant to.

“I just wanted to know what happened last week. Everyone was talking about a candle and now you have the one-on-one date and I was curious because no one told me anything so now I’m lost.” Meredith squeaked, rambling on.

Jade knew there was no malice behind Meredith’s asking and that she was genuinely asking out of curiosity. But Jade knew herself well enough to know that she had always been petty and got defensive at the slightest possibility of attack.

“The candle?” Jade sighed softly and rolled her eyes, “It’s honestly not that big a deal, everyone’s making it out to be way more than it actually is.”

Jade hadn’t actually wanted to tell anyone about the candle. She’d meant to silently sneak back into the villa and slip the candle into her suitcase before anyone had noticed.

However, Jade had forgotten that Pepper had been watching from the kitchen window and she’d seen the whole thing. As soon as Jade walked back into the building, closing the door without a noise, Pepper had come bolting out of the kitchen, loudly bombarding Jade with questions. It hadn’t taken long for word to get around and soon she was surrounded by people demanding to know what had happened outside.

It wasn’t like it was anyone’s business, either. When the others had come back inside after talking to Beck, they were never forced to say anything they didn’t want. No one was all up in their businesses, so why were they up in hers?

“But what  _ happened _ ?” Meredith asked again, clearly unhappy with Jade’s dismissive response.

“Fine, if you want to know  _ so badly _ .” Jade ran a hand through her hair in exhaustion, “I was looking at the display of candles at the paint place last week. Beck saw me and he asked me if I was going to buy one, I said maybe. But then I had to leave before I got the chance to get it, so he got it for me instead. That’s literally it.” She kept it short, leaving out the details of their conversation. She hadn’t even told her ‘friends’ so there was no way she was telling Meredith.

“Oh my god, that’s so sweet, I’m so jealous,” Meredith whispered, eyes widened in awe.

Jade stared at her in bewilderment. It was a damn candle for god’s sake. Why was everyone freaking out? Was she really the only sane one?

“It honestly wasn’t that big of a deal,” Jade repeated, making her way to the stairs. She couldn’t have stressed it enough, “Everyone’s blowing it out of proportion, I really don’t get it.”

“It means he likes you enough to actually do nice things!” Meredith called after her, “That’s a good thing! He remembered what you said!”

Jade froze on a step, bracing herself. Was remembering what she had said really the peak of romance to these people? 

If so, the bar had never been lower. 

No, the bar was on the ground. 

_ More like they dug a ditch for the bar to lay in. _

“Compared to the dates they’re sending us on, a candle’s nothing.” Jade fired back, “You watch this show, you should know. They’re always sending people to super fancy places, that shit’s not cheap. The candle was five dollars. It’s not that deep.”

Meredith winced at Jade’s cursing. Typical. But she continued anyways, “The trips are from the network’s money. The candle’s actually from him though.”

“Look, all I’m saying is that I don’t like the way that people are obsessing over a damn candle. I’m not even thinking that much into it and honestly? I’m done talking about this,”she shot back in what she hoped sounded like finality.

What the hell did Meredith know? She didn’t know Beck either. None of them did. But at least Jade wasn’t trying to speak for his intentions. She pitied him, really. All these people, thinking they knew him because they’d seen him on TV. Not only that, but they were trying to speak for him? What kind of dystopian hellscape was she in?

Sure Meredith meant ‘well’. But that was the problem with people like her. They always  _ meant well _ . Whether or not they did any good never occurred to them because they ‘meant well’. So of course it must mean that they were actually doing good. Newsflash, intentions never dictate outcome.

* * *

Monday night, Pepper had come back, win-tipsy once again, dreamily sighing about how everything was just as perfect as she’d hoped. They’d gone on some party bus and went to that bar Hayley’s dad owned. Alyssa had returned, date rose in hand, with a smile that stayed for at least an hour.

“I’m sad you weren’t there, but it’s okay because in two days you get to do something.” Pepper had whispered.

But Wednesday came way too fast for Jade’s liking. In Jade’s ideal world, she was in a  _ Groundhog Day _ type of situation where she kept waking up on the same day, being forced to repeat the same 24 hours over and over again. Because as boring as it had been while her ‘friends’ were gone, she’d rather relive that day than have her current reality be current reality.

“Jade!” Alyssa sang, running up to Jade’s seat in hair and makeup and hugging her from behind, “Today’s your day!”

“Don’t touch me.” Jade warned, whipping around in her seat almost immediately.

Alyssa gave her an apologetic look, “Sorry, I got carried away,” She said, stepping back immediately.

“You excited?” Pepper asked, practically bouncing on her toes.  _ No. _

“You’re acting like you’re the one going.” Gwen rolled her eyes at Pepper.

Jade shrugged. She still had no idea where they would be going, and the producers refused to tell her. She’d have to find out in the car.

“Well when are you leaving?” Pepper asked.

“Robbie was just here, he said they’d be giving me the go-ahead in a couple of minutes.” Jade bit back a sigh, “So I guess I get to find out then.”

“Yeah but, look at you go! First one to break Meredith’s solo-date streak.” Pepper cheered.

“I hardly think two dates counts as a ‘streak’, Pepper.” Jade chided, “Besides. If I’m being honest, I’ve been trying not to think about it.”

“Why not?” Alyssa asked, “The fact that you got picked for a one-on-one date bodes pretty well for you. It means he likes you and all that jazz.”

“I wouldn’t necessarily say that a one-on-one date means he likes me. I honestly think he just picked me because we’ve barely talked. That way he can actually talk to me and figure out if he hates me or not, you know?” Jade said. It was a lie, but sometimes lying to herself was justified.

“You keep saying you’ve barely talked to him as if that means he doesn’t like you.” Gwen pointed out, “You even got a candle and everything.”

The reaction everyone was having to the candle, in her opinion, was completely unwarranted. Sure, it had been a nice gesture, but she was starting to realize that Beck was just a nice guy in general, so it honestly wasn’t much worth noting. Doing nice things wasn’t really out of character for nice people. Nice people doing nice things didn’t really need that much of a reaction. It was like applauding a fish for swimming.

“You know I don’t like talking about the candle.” Jade reminded Gwen, she’d told them about her conversation with Meredith the night they’d returned, ranting violently. She sighed, burying her head in her hands.

“Hey! Jade! No touching your face!” Her makeup artist reprimanded, swatting Jade’s hands out of the way, “I  _ just _ did your eyeliner two minutes ago, you better not smudge it.”

“Sorry, Trina.” Jade groaned, lifting her head, “I’m so tired right now but Robbie wouldn’t let me have a fucking coffee.”

“Uh, yeah, because you get angry when you drink coffee.” Gwen reminded her, holding back a laugh.

“I’m  _ always _ angry!” Jade shot her a glare. It didn’t have the desired effect, she knew it wouldn’t, but it still angered her even more.

“Jade, we need you out!” Robbie called, popping into the area.

“Go!” Pepper beamed, calling after Jade as she got up from her seat, “And don’t forget to have fun!”

* * *

“Hi.” Beck greeted as she got into the car, “You look nice today.”

“Yeah, hi.” Jade deadpanned, shutting the door, “You gonna tell me where we’re going or do I have to wait even longer?”

“I’ll tell you as soon as we’re on the road.” He responded, starting the car.

“Why?” She asked, giving him a cautious look.

“In case you hate it and try to get out of it.” He shrugged, pulling out of the driveway.

“Bold of you to assume I wouldn’t jump out of a moving car.” She retorted, “And I might actually jump out if you don’t tell me in the next ten seconds.”

“Damn, okay.” He responded, defensively, “So! I figured with you I would have to do something different because I feel like you would hate it if I made you do a stereotypical thing. The network tried to get me to change it for something cheesier, but something tells me you don’t do cheesy.”

“Just tell me already,” She groaned, exasperated, “I don’t need a whole monologue on your reasoning.”

“Right. It’s a little weird, but I didn’t want to do something super over the top, and I really wanted to do this and I figured you wouldn’t be mad doing this. But basically, there’s this coffee shop that I really like and tonight they have this open-mic night thing. It’s not just comedy though, people just go up and do something they’re good at.”   
  


Jade stared at him for a moment as she turned it over in her mind. On one hand, the general public could be a nightmare, but on the other hand, if the acts were that bad she could just laugh. Either way, she was getting a show. Also if they were busy watching, she could probably avoid having to force conversation with him.

“Not bad, Oliver. Could be worse.” She said stiffly.

A smile broke out on his face and he let out a sigh of relief, “Oh thank god, you don’t hate me right now.”

_ Well, I didn’t really say that, _ she thought, but she supposed he made  _ some  _ points. 

If Beck Oliver was good for anything, it was his hair, his laugh, his shirts (that she still wanted to steal), candle-buying, and the ability to pick ‘dates’ she didn’t totally hate. 

But that was it. And sure, it seemed like a lot when she listed them off in her head, but there was more to life than hair, laughs, shirts, candles, and dates.

* * *

“So am I allowed to ask you things about yourself or am I still not allowed to?” He asked, breaking the silence. 

They arrived at the coffee shop a half hour early. Probably because the producers wanted footage of them doing  _ something  _ other than just sitting there and watching other people. For the most part, it didn’t seem too bad. Nothing was prompting her to hate it just yet.

“Did you miss the part where I said that I don’t just tell anyone anything?” She scoffed.

“Fine, but you wanna know something?”

She raised a brow, intrigued, “I’m listening.”

“I’ve actually known about you for a while.” He admitted.

What the hell? Jade froze in her seat, turning suddenly. Was he serious? She stared at him in an attempt read him.

“You’re bullshitting me.”

He had to be. There was no way.

“I’m not, I swear!” He insisted, lifting a hand in defense.

“And exactly when were you going to tell me this?!” She demanded.

“... Well that’s kinda what I’m doing now..?” He asked, confusion apparent on his face.

“And exactly  _ how _ do you know me?” The real question was, exactly how  _ much _ did he know about her? And by conjecture, why didn’t she know him? She eyed him cautiously, ready for him to take it all back, assuring her he was, in fact, bullshitting her.

If they had been anywhere else, she would’ve walked away and stormed off by now. But she was acutely aware of the cameras on her and the producers keeping a close eye on the two of them, eating up the suspense. She was sure that this would get edited into a whole  _ thing. _

“It was ages ago and your hair was different and you didn’t have any of your piercings, so I barely even recognized you until last week. But back when you still lived here, I went to this show with a couple of friends at the performing arts high school. One of our family friends was in it and we went to support him. And turns out, you were in it too! I remember you being really good, you were super funny. Like all I could think during the entire thing was, ‘ _ Who is this girl?’ _ And now you’re here.” He said, a soft smile slowly spreading across his face.

Jade blinked twice, connecting the dots. She hadn’t even known they’d lived in LA at the same time, let alone in the same area.

“Which show?” She asked.

“Heathers. You were Veronica.” He replied. As if she would need to be reminded which character she played.

“Oh my god, yeah,” She smirked, recalling the spring show of her senior year, “I was really mad at first because I wanted to play Heather Chandler instead. But that was a fun one, I got to kill people.”

“Yeah, you did,” He let out a laugh, “I think you would’ve been a little too scary as Chandler, but I remember thinking that you were super talented. And now you’re an actress in New York, would you look at that! My gut was right about you.” 

She rolled her eyes, holding back a smile. At least  _ someone _ recognized her talent. Maybe Beck Oliver had taste.

“Who was your friend? I don’t think I remember anyone mentioning you.” She asked, taking the focus off of her.

“His name was Eli. Blonde? Curly hair?”

“Yeah, I remember him.” She said, almost laughing, “He was  _ terrified _ of me.”

“He’s sorta terrified of everything.” Beck reassured her.

“No, I like it that way.”

“Of course, how could I forget?” He said, earning a short laugh from her.

“Hey, you’re an actor. You didn’t want to go to the performing arts school?” Jade asked as the thought occurred to her. She forgot that she was meant to stay indifferent, but in her defense, her curiosity had always gotten the best of her.

“I auditioned and technically got in, but then I got a scholarship to this really prestigious, fancy school, so my parents sent me there instead.” He said, “I still did theatre there, but it wasn’t the same as a performing arts school. I think I would’ve liked Hollywood Arts if I had gone, though.”

“Well that sucks.” Jade said, taking a sip of her coffee, “You still ended up acting so it clearly didn’t ruin much, but if you wanted to go to a performing arts school, you should’ve.”

“Yeah, I probably should’ve pushed for Hollywood Arts more.” He admitted, sighing regretfully, “Maybe if I got to go, we would’ve been friends.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” She deadpanned, shooting a warning glare from over her mug. She couldn’t let him get that confident. Not when this was their first time outside of the villa alone. People who got too confident too fast never ended up well.

The lights dimmed and a guy with sleeve tattoos came to the front of the room, grabbing a microphone and started off the night.

* * *

When Jade had said that the general public could be a nightmare, she hadn’t been prepared for this. She stared, frozen with shock, as a lady with  _ way _ too much confidence in herself warbled an off-key song with what seemed like zero embarrassment.

She looked around at the tables surrounding them. Would anyone notice if she started laughing? It was the last act of the night and she’d been keeping in every laugh before this, trying to keep together any semblance of composure. It was hard to tell if the room was dark enough for her to get away with it. That and the fact that there were at least two cameras following her every move.

However, it seemed that Beck, on the other hand, simply didn’t care about any of that. He was hunched over in silent laughter, barely concealing himself behind a clenched fist.

“Dude!” She hissed and shoved his arm lightly, nodding slightly towards the cameras.

“Oh come  _ on _ .” He whispered between laughs, “Don’t tell me that you don’t find this hilarious _. _ ”

“I mean,  _ yeah _ , kind of.” She replied, letting out a silent laugh of her own.

They both froze, putting on a nonchalant act as a woman at the table in front of them turned around in confusion. 

As she turned back around to face the stage, the two of them fell into a fit of laughter once again, poorly hiding themselves. The more it kept going, the worse it got. It felt like all the air had been sucked out of Jade’s lungs.

Jade clapped a hand to her mouth as the lady up front let out a final squawk nearing the end of the song. Her eyes widened and she looked over at Beck in disbelief. There was no fucking way a human being could possibly sound like that. Absolutely  _ no way _ .

“This has to be a fucking social experiment or something,” She whispered, leaning in to make sure she went unheard, “There’s no way this is  _ real _ . The producers have to be messing with us.”

“No, this is definitely real.” He replied, “Have you ever watched American Idol? There’s people like this  _ all the time _ .”

“Oh my god,” She sighed breathlessly, gasping for air as the warbling-lady took an undeserved bow and stepped back, “Holy shit I can’t believe we just watched that.”

“Are we going to look like assholes on TV? Yes. But was it worth it? Yes.” He said in between laughs.

She stared at the now vacant front of the store in disbelief.

“That was  _ terrible _ but I gotta respect her for having that much self confidence.” He said, taking a sip from his coffee once he’d calmed down.

“Yeah but what about that one guy doing the standup?” She reminded him, “I wanted to laugh so badly but not because he was actually funny, it was just sad.”

“Oh my god,  _ no _ , that was so bad.” He let out a sigh. The two of them were still coming down from the laughter-high they’d worked themselves into.

“This is why you can’t take performing arts kids anywhere.” She murmured, “We’re all assholes."

“Man-bun at the table behind you has been glaring at us for like the past five minutes.” He pointed out, “But can he honestly blame us? He saw that too, I dunno how he kept a straight face.”

Jade turned around subtly to look at the table. As she did, she saw the camera aimed towards them.

She sobered immediately, remembering where they were. God, she’d almost forgotten about them in all the chaos. She felt a pang of guilt, reminding herself of her plan. She was technically failing, and while it didn’t feel that way, she was still failing. She’d promised her friends and agent that she’d be back by then. Surely they couldn’t blame her. Not when her fate wasn’t up to her.

“You good?” He asked with a concerned look.

“I think I’m just tired.” She said. Technically it wasn’t a lie. She was tired of being there, she was tired of not knowing where she stood, she was tired of having cameras on her at all times.

“If you want to talk about it, I’m here.” He assured her softly.

Maybe she shouldn’t have believed him. But something about it just seemed real. A whole lot on this show was fake, but not this. She was always an excellent judge of character and she felt that he was actually trustworthy. Maybe it was because he apparently knew her from before. Maybe it was just the laughter-high. Either way, she trusted herself, and herself seemed to trust him.

* * *

Later that night, she walked back into the villa with an overpowering feeling of just confusion.

“Well?” Pepper looked at her expectantly, “Tell us everything!”

Jade found Pepper, Alyssa, and Gwen huddled on the sofa in their matching show-provided bathrobes, staring up at her.

“I mean, I didn’t hate it.” She replied, shaking her head slightly.

Alyssa’s gaze dropped to Jade’s hand at her side. Immediately her eyes widened almost comically. Jade would’ve laughed if she didn’t hate giggling. Alyssa nudged Gwen, whose eyes widened in an identical fashion.

“Fine, get it out of your system already.” She groaned, dropping into the armchair, extending her hand towards them.

“Oh come on, you got a rose, try to be a  _ little _ excited!” Gwen chided.

“Welcome to the safe from elimination club, girlie.” Alyssa said, smiling softly.

“Was it fun?” Pepper asked her.

“Yeah. It kinda was.” Jade said softly before deflecting, “Not as much as the paintball, but you know. He’s growing on me I guess.”

All of this was an enigma. Beck Oliver wasn’t as bad as she thought, sure. But that didn’t  _ mean _ anything. Nothing was real here. If she was being honest she wasn’t really sure how to feel.

Every week had made left her feeling more confused than the last.

And somehow, just like last week, she found herself feeling lost once again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops, this took a little longer to get out than i originally wanted... (i guess its okay though bc it's longer than my other ones??) my bad... not bc ive given up on this story pr anything, i just have exams coming up next week so ive been busy! (I'm writing a one-shot on the side too so... whole lotta productivity over here)
> 
> also omg look at our fave dorks,, this was fun to write.
> 
> there's no rose ceremony in this chapter bc Jade already got her rose, don't worry, i didn't forget abt the literal Highlight of each chapter. But if you're keeping up w the number of contestants left, two would've been eliminated this week (in my drafts i named them Courtney and Emily, not that you care, but I Do). Now there are 13 contestants left. cool okay bye xoxo love u guys


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! Sorry for the wait, I had midterms and i literally rewrote this chapter like 5 times. I tried like. 6 different dates before going with this route, it just segued into what I wanted best. enjoy xoxo

This was her last easy week. After this, they were getting out of California. After this week, the producers were sending the remaining 9 out of state. Pepper had managed to get the first destination out of some intern. From what she’d heard, they were sending them to San Antonio. To say that she’d rather not leave would be an understatement. On the other hand, if she got sent home while they were in Texas, it’d be closer than from California.

But she still didn’t want to go to Texas. Plane trips were where she drew the line. 

“Where are we even going?” She asked from her seat in hair and makeup.

Gwen shrugged from two seats down, “I dunno, but apparently we’re starting here. I’m sure they’ll tell us in a little bit.”

“I hate that so much, god.” Jade groaned, “Pepper you got interns to tell you the last times, did you ask about this week?”   


“Sorry, Jade.” Pepper frowned apologetically, “They had me film a confessional earlier so I didn’t get to ask.”

“Confessional? What did they want you to talk about?” Gwen asked, “You didn’t get a date rose last week, what could they even want from you?”

“I don’t know, they asked me how I felt about my ‘progress on the show so far.’ Whatever that means. They definitely only asked me for the drama. They kept asking me if I thought anyone had ‘an unfair amount of attention’. They wanted me to drop names but I wouldn’t do it.” Pepper announced, clearly proud of her resistance.

“Oh they’ve been trying to get me to snake on people for the past three weeks,” Gwen sighed, “I don’t get why.”

“Duh, it’s because they’re trying to find someone for the Villain Edit.” Pepper pointed out, “We all know it’s gonna end up being Hayley, but they need backups in case it doesn’t work out so they’re trying to get the rest of us.”   
  
“Well, that’s dumb as shit.” Jade said, “There’s only thirteen of us left, there’s no way people are going to turn on each other now.”

“You’d be surprised.” Gwen replied, “I wouldn’t be shocked if Hayley hasn’t thrown Tara under the bus by now. And I heard Sonya trashing Jenny earlier too. Things are about to get dramatic.”

Burying her head in her arms, Jade let out another dramatic sigh. This week had gone on for too long and if what Gwen had said was true, things were about to get way worse.

* * *

“Ladies! Welcome to the second group date of the week!” Andre greeted once they’d all arrived. “Today we’re sending you to the beach where you’ll be boarding a yacht. After the past few weeks of activities, you’ll finally be able to just sit back and not worry about anything.”

Huh, this week wasn’t totally trash either. If anything, this could kinda be  _ fun _ . It seemed that after paintball, Beck had given up on anything Jade would consider fun, but this week seemed pretty good to her. 

It was dull in comparison to Meredith’s one-on-one date that week. Apparently after last week Beck had decided to restore Meredith’s monopoly on solo-dates. They’d gone on some road-trip to Napa Valley and took a hot air balloon trip. Neither of those sounded particularly fun to Jade but it had apparently worked for Meredith, as she came home with a rose in hand. Not that she was complaining though. She was pretty sure she’d die if she had to do anything as over the top as the other seasons seemed to have. And according to Alyssa, the first group date that week hadn’t been bad either. They’d gone to some go-karting place, which sounded pretty fun to Jade. But she had seen the way the others drove, and keeping them away from the wheel was probably for the best.

“Nice way to sugarcoat the fact that they want footage of girls in bikinis to promote the season.” Jade scoffed under her breath, garnering laughs from those in the vicinity.

“Not to mention a shirtless hot guy… You know they’re gonna milk this the shit out of this footage.” Pepper giggled.

Jade rolled her eyes for what felt the billionth time that week. With all the brewing drama threatening to push itself to the forefront, at least  _ something  _ wouldn’t be all that bad. Even if they were only doing it to give the network bait.

* * *

Jade wasn’t really sure what they were supposed to be doing this week. The past few dates had been easy enough. The lack of direction and structure felt fake. After five weeks, she’d gotten used to the standard format of a week. They were given a task, a goal, a  _ something _ . But there was none of that this week. This week was  _ ‘here’s a beach, here’s a boat, have fun, don’t get killed’ _ . Yes, she was aware that this date was for  _ Thirst Trap: The Episode,  _ but surely they could’ve given them  _ something _ .

“What are we supposed to do?” She hissed, looking around.

“Talk? Get to know him? At least I think that’s what they want.” Pepper smirked.

“They’re probably going to send us to talk to him one by one.” Gwen told them, “Alyssa said that’s what they did on Monday.”

“Whatever,” Jade scoffed, “I’m getting a beer.” If there was one good thing about filming, it was the free alcohol. She knew the producers let them have it because drunk people always led to drama, but if the offer was there, she’d take it.

* * *

“Jade you’re up.” Robbie-the-producer called, signaling towards Jade.’’

“See ya suckers,” She saluted towards Gwen and Pepper before getting up.

If she were a stronger person, maybe she would’ve tried to pick a fight this week. But fighting always made her irrationally angry. Being irrationally angry was something she’d been working against her entire life so she would probably survive without the added drama. Besides, the whole  _ ‘giving up on trying’ _ method was working for her. Well, it hadn’t actually done anything because she was still here. But she had no complaints as of yet.

“Hey!” Beck greeted as she approached.

“Yeah, hey.” She echoed, dropping into the hammock.

“I remembered you liked that bench-swing back at the villa so I figured this was the next best thing.” He said.

“What?” She furrowed her brow in confusion.

“The hammock.” He explained, as if she should’ve picked up on that herself, “There weren’t any bench-swings here, but hammocks are close enough in my opinion.”

She bit back a scoff of amusement, nodding her head slightly. “Yeah, okay, if you say so.”

“Are we allowed to talk about you this week? Or are we still doing the whole no-talking-about-your-life thing?”

“You know the drill by now. Trust me, if we ever get to the point where I’m okay with talking about myself, you’ll know.” She said simply, shrugging. It wasn’t technically a lie, she’d probably tell him  _ something _ at one point. Frankly, Jade wasn’t exactly sure how much she could trust Beck or any others here. Why give away secrets to people whose trustworthiness hadn’t been gauged yet? That was just vulnerability waiting to happen.

“Okay, cut. Jade, you can’t keep doing that.” Robbie-the-producer sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Oh yeah? Funny that we’re talking about things we can or can’t do ‘cause last I checked  _ you _ weren’t supposed to interfere in these things,” she replied indignantly and shot a glare at him.

“I wouldn’t have to if you weren’t refusing to talk.”

Was she meant to just lie and pretend to be something she wasn’t? What was Robbie Shapiro gonna do about it, kick her off the show? Because that would be just  _ so tragic _ .

“Listen, I don’t know what you want me to do here.” She groaned, slouching into the hammock, “I’m acting exactly like I would on the outside.”

“I know, but that doesn’t sell well. I get that you’re all about authenticity but we’re still trying to create a show here.” He reprimanded, crossing his arms.

“Then what the hell do you want me to do?” Jade furrowed her brow in annoyance. She wasn’t an idiot, she knew reality TV was fake, but holy shit.

“Hey, hey calm down!” Beck jumped in, “Jade, you’re fine. Robbie, can’t you just cut out what you don’t want to put in?”

“There’s nothing  _ to cut _ , Beck.” Robbie insisted.

“Well unless you’re giving us a script, we can’t do anything about it.” He argued.

Robbie sighed, returning to his spot behind the cameras with a, “Whatever, let’s keep rolling.”   


Jade smiled slightly. Maybe Beck Oliver had a spine after all. If she didn’t hate everything, maybe she would’ve said thank you. Only maybe.

“So, how’s your time here been so far?” Beck asked her, as if they hadn’t been interrupted at all.

“I thought we agreed we weren’t talking about me.” She raised a brow.

“Good thing I asked about your  _ time  _ and not about you then.” He nodded.

She froze slightly, carefully deciding how to respond. In all fairness, she hadn’t been expecting that and yes, he passed on a technicality.

“Well played, Oliver. Normally I’d shut you down but you deserve a win once in a while.” She smirked, “To answer your question, my time here’s been okay. Well, except for people asking about a damn candle.  _ Still _ haven’t recovered from that one lady at the coffee shop last week.”

“Well then, I’m glad you’re not having an awful time.” He supplied. Technically, yes she was. Or at least she was supposed to?

“Also I miss paintball,” she let out a sigh, “kinda rude that we’re not allowed to repeat activities.”

“You were  _ terrifying _ .” He gave her a doubtful look.

“Good.” She shot out, “I like it that way.”

“Yeah? I couldn’t tell.” He replied sarcastically.

Jade rolled her eyes, “You’re not funny.” She said dryly.

“Well you’re kinda stuck with me until further notice.” He said, fake apologetically. 

“I know, I hate it.” It was more truthful than she’d intended, but it wasn’t like he could tell anyway.

“Eh, you’ll survive.” He said assuringly.

“If you say so.” She smirked, crossing her arms.

“Hi, Beck, can I steal you for a sec?” Hayley asked, coming up to them, flashing a smile.

Jade felt a hint of annoyance flare up at the interruption. Literally  _ what _ was Hayley’s issue? What, did she think she could just get whatever she wanted, no issue? She wasn’t the only person in the universe, she couldn’t just boss anyone around. It had been annoying the first time, when she’d interrupted the others, and weeks later, when she was interrupting Jade, it was still annoying. Hayley may have been aiming for the villain edit, but in Jade’s opinion it was shameless.

She glanced slightly at Beck, waiting for his response.  _ Well, Oliver? This is your chance to actually do something. _ She thought.  _ This is your show, you’re running the game here.  _ There was no way Beck was oblivious. He wasn’t dumb. He knew what Hayley was doing too. There was no way he was just  _ okay _ with it. He couldn’t be. 

“Uh. Yeah, sure. Where do you want to go?” Beck said tentatively. 

He had to be fucking kidding. He couldn’t just let Hayley get away with that shit. 

She fought back the urge to glare at him.  _ Idiot, you had literally every chance to put her in her place. _ And sure, there was a chance that he might not have known, but he wasn’t an idiot. He had eyes, he knew what she was doing. He had to know.

“I was thinking we could just stay there. Jade you don’t mind leaving do you?” Hayley shot her an overly saccharine smile.

Jade plastered an insincere smile on her face. “Sure,” She forced out through gritted teeth.

She forced herself out of the hammock, storming below deck.

“No! What?! Why are you doing down here? You should be up there!” Pepper pouted, seeing her come down the stairs.

“Hayley interrupted.” Jade explained, shrugging, “I hate her stupid face.”

“Ugh, no! That sucks.” Gwen crossed her arms, “I can’t believe you just let her do that to you.”

“Just go interrupt her back.” Pepper insisted.

“What? Absolutely not. I’m pissed off, no need to go overboard.” She replied in what she hoped was a reassuring tone. 

After all she was just pissed off at Hayley. It wasn’t a personal offense, it was just the principle of it. That was all.

* * *

“So? You guys nervous for tonight?” Alyssa asked them on the last night of the week.

“ _ Yes.  _ It sucked ass.” Pepper said emphatically, “Our date this week was so weak, any of us who were there are on the line. You’re lucky you already have a rose, Lyss.”

“Was it actually that bad? Jade?” Alyssa looked at her expectantly.

“Not for me.” Jade shrugged, “Granted, I only spoke to him for like two minutes before Hayley interrupted but we were on a yacht so. How bad could things be?”

“You gonna talk to him tonight?” Pepper asked, “I was just out there, I’m not risking things with the way that date went.”

“I don’t have time to go out there,” Jade covered for herself. It was a poor excuse but no one ever read too much into what she was saying, “I mean, it’s practically time for the rose ceremony and Gwen’s still out there, and I’m not gonna interrupt her.”

“Hey, start making your way towards the other room.” An intern told them as he approached, “Andre’s almost ready to start the ceremony.”

“Fine. Let’s go.” Jade said, getting up and trudging over. There was a heavy sinking feeling settling in her chest. This week had been an absolute disaster. But that was supposed to be a good thing for her.

Gwen rushed back into the room, making her way to the group with an uneasy look on her face. 

“What happened? Are you okay? Why do you look like that?” Alyssa asked, her brow furrowed in concern.

Gwen opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, Andre had walked into the room.

“Welcome to tonight’s rose ceremony. Tonight, Beck will be giving out six roses. Meredith, Alyssa, and Hayley received roses during their dates so they are officially safe from elimination. But unfortunately, we’ll be sending four of you home. I wish you all luck.”

The first rose of the night went to Maya. Followed by Sonya, then Jenny. 

“Pepper.” Beck called from the front of the room.

Jade heard Pepper let out a sigh of relief from beside her. She accepted the rose with a nervous look on her face. Pepper deserved it, Jade thought, she had been worrying about the rose ceremony since the date had ended two nights ago. 

“Jade.” He said, once Pepper had returned to her spot.

Jade looked up abruptly. Once again, she was frozen to her spot. She wasn’t sure why she was surprised. Each week was the same, she should’ve been used to it by then. She stepped forward, shaking herself out of her brief confusion. 

“Will you accept this rose?” He asked, extending it towards her.

She stared, mind still clouded by confusion. He was giving her a rose? After this week? The week that had been terrible without her even trying?

“Yes,” She blurted out, blinking in confusion, taking it from his hand.

She still wasn’t sure how she’d gotten there. She shouldn’t have been surprised. She really shouldn’t have. Each week she was somehow miraculously shocked when she’d ended up with a rose.  _ Don’t act so shocked, _ she told herself cynically,  _ same old shit as last week. _

“This is the last rose of the night.” Andre said, breaking the silence, “Good luck to you five.”

She was broken out of her overly-preachy and bitter inner-monologue by Beck calling Gabriella forward. Her head jerked up immediately.  _ Gwen _ .

“Oh my god, no way.” Alyssa gasped from beside her.

Jade turned her head toward Gwen who looked completely unsurprised, if not a little sad.

Andre came back out, “Unfortunately, we will be saying goodbye to Gwen, Christy V., Tara, and Christy M. tonight. You have a half hour to pack up your things and say your goodbyes.”

Right away, Pepper pushed her way through the group, pulling Gwen into a hug. 

“I’m so sorry.” She whispered, “I’ll miss you so much.”

“No, I knew it was coming.” Gwen said morosely, “I’ll miss you guys.”

“This is a mistake. You’re not getting sent home. There’s no way.” Alyssa forced out through her tears.

“No, Alyssa, it’s fine. I mean it. I’ve been here for five weeks already, that’s pretty good. Besides, I’m getting a little homesick, I really don’t mind.” Gwen smiled softly.

“Bye, Gwen.” Jade said, carefully, “I hate a lot of people here, but you’re not too bad. I’m sorry for shooting you in paintball.”

Gwen laughed sadly, “I’d give you a hug, but I know how much you hate physical contact. Bye guys, I love you guys a lot. One of you better win this. Do it for me, I believe in you.”

Jade felt a surge of guilt spreading through her. If she hadn’t been given a rose would Gwen have been safe? Sure Gwen said she was fine and that she wanted to go home, but it still felt wrong somehow.

“Well. Looks like we’re going to Texas, girls.” Alyssa said, as they watched Gwen grab her suitcase and get into the car.

“We made it.” Pepper whispered, contentedly.

“Yeah.” Jade forced out despite the lump forming in her throat, “I guess we did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! It's been a while since I've updated (it hasn't even been two weeks, I'm just dramatic and like updating ever week.) Sorry for the wait, I just finished exams this week so I've been hella busy. The next few chapters shouldn't be this much of a wait. I actually really like this chapter ngl? Despite all the difficulties I had writing it, it turned out pretty well imo. Anyways, see yall next chapter, pls let me know what u think!


	7. Chapter 7

The following week was off to a rough start. The remaining ten had to wake up at four AM, still tired from packing the night before, and get put in a literal metal tube flying through the sky. Possibly the only positive was not having the cameras following them around all the time, but that didn’t distract from the absolute exhaustion Jade felt.

It was around eight in the morning when they finally got the chance to board the plane. (“You know,” Pepper informed her when they got in line, “they usually do private jets or spring for first class, but I think they’re trying to reduce their carbon footprint this year, and personally, I greatly appreciate that.”)

After checking her boarding pass, Jade shoved her bag in the overhead compartment and fell into her seat, exhausted from the morning they’d had.

“Hi, neighbor. Fancy seeing you here.” Beck said, giving her a smile that was a little too bright for that early. How _anyone_ could be functioning that well yet was beyond Jade.

“Yeah, hey.” Jade said, swiftly downing the rest of the coffee left in her cup.  
  
He gave her an amused look, nodding slowly, “I take it you’ve had a rough morning then?”

“I feel like death on the inside.” She deadpanned, staring ahead at the seat in front of her, “There better not be a crying baby on this damn flight or else.”

“You’ll survive,” he said reassuringly.

“You _keep saying that_.” Jade groaned, “That’s like the fiftieth time you’ve told me that in a week.”

“But you still manage to survive each week so… Looks like I’m not that wrong.” He smirked, clearly hiding a laugh, “And if not, I bought earplugs before boarding, you can have them if you want.”

“Oh my god,” she breathed out, swiftly turning her head to face him, “this is the only time you’ll ever hear me say this, but holy shit, you might be my savior right now.”

“Jade! Yeah, hi!” She heard Hayley say before coming around to stand next to Jade’s seat in the aisle.

“Hayley. Hi.” Jade grimaced in annoyance, “What do you want?”

“I was wondering… Would you mind switching seats with me?” Hayley asked, putting on the sickly sweet smile Jade had seen _way_ too many times in her life.

Jade stared up at Hayley in shock. The cameras weren’t even rolling and she was still trying to ‘steal Beck’. Was she actually serious? Was she expecting him to give out a rose once the plane landed? It was a _flight_ for fuck’s sake, not some obscure group date. Pepper and Alyssa shot her warning glares at Jade, practically begging her not to let Hayley get her way again.

The annoyance from the last date flared up once again. People like Hayley were always getting their way. How had nobody put her in her damn place yet? _Newsflash, not everything’s about you!_ Jade screamed in her mind. No. Fuck that. Fuck this. Fuck Hayley. Clearly, nobody was willing to get involved and since Hayley kept throwing herself in Jade’s way, it was apparent that Jade was going to have to be the one to actually do something about it.

“Actually, yeah, I kinda do mind.” Jade said, putting on a fake smile. If Hayley could fake pleasantries, Jade could too, Hayley wasn’t special.

“What? Are you kidding me? It’s really not that deep, Jade.” Hayley all but shrieked, clearly taken aback, “I’m literally only one row behind. It’ll be fine! You can sit next to Gabriella! Just switch with me!”

“No. I’m good here.” Jade retorted, “It’s a three hour flight, suck it up and sit down in your actual seat.” She shot Hayley her best death glare. The kind that she kept on hand whenever people had crossed a line. The one that told them not to mess with her. The one that had never failed her.

“Why do you even need to sit there? Why is it so important to you?” Hayley insisted.

Jade’s face contorted into one of incredulity, “Why is it important _to you_ ?! This is the seat on _my_ boarding pass, go sit down.”

Hayley let out a harsh sigh, backing down as she met Jade’s eye. She stormed back to her seat, throwing herself back into her seat next to a mildly offended Gabriella. Good. Served her right for last week.

Jade felt a burst of triumph. Finally some damn justice around here. She turned back around in her seat to find Beck staring at her with an expression she couldn’t read.

“What?” She asked defensively, feeling oddly self-conscious. She’d always been good at reading people. But not this time.

“Nothing,” he said unconvincingly, “that was was just kinda badass.”

She was hit with a weird sense of relief before settling back down with a smirk, “I already put my bag in the overhead, I’m not going to get up and move, she can wait for three hours. And if not, then that’s her problem, not mine.” 

* * *

The first twenty minutes of the flight had gone by comfortably. There had been no crying babies, Hayley had seemingly calmed down, Jade had lightly conversed with Pepper and Alyssa, and ended up mindlessly flipping through a magazine from the seat pocket in front of her.

“You wanna know something?” He asked, breaking the silence.

“No, but something tells me that you’re gonna tell me anyways.” Jade replied, raising a brow in suspicion.

“I’m really bored right now.”

“Really?” She said dryly, “I couldn’t tell.”

“There’s not even a movie, _how_ are you getting through this?” He groaned dramatically.

“Some of us _aren’t_ five years old and can get through a three hour flight.”

“Oh come on, you’re reading a magazine about _floral arrangements_. Don’t tell me you’re actually invested in that kind of thing.”

Dropping the magazine in question into her lap, she sighed and threw her head back, “Fine. What do you want?”

“I dunno,” he shrugged, “I’m just tired of doing nothing for like, five hours straight.”

“I can’t believe you annoyed me _just_ to tell me that you were bored.” She groaned, “If I give you my snacks later, will you stop?”

“Hell yeah, but no take backs.” He grinned, “Okay, I have a question for you. I’ve been meaning to ask for a while but I keep forgetting.”

Jade raised a brow in suspicion; she hadn’t been aware that this exchange was carrying on.

“No, I’m not going to get super personal.” He reassured. Good. At least he was aware.

“Fine then.” She conceded, “Ask your _burning question_ that just _has_ to be asked right now at this exact moment.”

“What was it like?” He asked, earnestly, “Going to Hollywood Arts, I mean. I was always so jealous of my friends who went there, it seemed amazing.”

Jade thought for a moment before answering. When she’d found out that Cat had signed her up for the damn show, Jade hadn’t expected that she’d end up talking about her _high school_ while there, “I’m probably biased because I practically _begged_ my parents to let me go there, but I regret none of it. Everything I learned at Hollywood Arts helped me get where I am now, hell, I still use a bunch of it in everyday life.”

He nodded in response. It felt like he was actually listening, that he was actually paying attention to whatever she was saying and how preachy her tone was approaching, “What do they teach there though? I just- Obviously there was more than ‘how to act good’ and all that.”

“Okay.” She started, diverting her full attention and effort towards the discussion, “So I had this one teacher who was insane but he taught the best damn lessons. He taught me that in order to be an _actor_ , you have to learn about the people _behind_ the actors. We learned a bunch about script writing and story development and it might be one of my favorite lessons I’ve ever learned.”

She paused slightly before continuing, “We had these things in class called drive-by acting exercises. The best one was this one where we’d make up an entire backstory for a person on the spot.”

“Yeah?” He asked, seemingly surprised, “You think you could still do it?”

“Like _now_?” She questioned. He had to be kidding. She’d been out of high school for almost 8 years, how the hell was she meant to do it without warning.

Although Sikowitz had never known for being calculating and precise.

“Here, you can make me do it too.” He said, “Then it’s fair.”

“Okay, okay, okay. I’ll do it _only_ because I know you won’t give it up until I do.” She surrendered, “Pick any person and I’ll give you their story.”

His face lit up triumphantly as he scanned the plane. “Okay, what about her?” He said, pointing to a woman two rows ahead of them.

Jade took in her newly-found-subject’s appearance, quickly crafting a story.

“Easy. She’s from a small town in the middle of nowhere but one day she’s gonna move somewhere fun. Somewhere like London. She only reads books that have already been turned into movies so she can picture the actors while reading. And she does cross-stitch and all those boring things, but when she does them, they’re quirky.” She said after deliberating for a moment.

“And what about her boyfriend? Does he have a story?” He asked, nodding towards the guy next to London-Cross-Stitch Lady.

“I’m not doing two.” She scoffed, “You said you’d do one if I did. You figure his out.”

“Okay, okay.” He yielded, “He’s an IT guy who likes recycling and cooking. His favorite movie’s probably something like Pride and Prejudice, and he’s got a phobia of chickens.”

Jade let out a puff of air that was somewhere between a scoff and a snort.

“Well? Did I do it right?” He asked, looking at expectantly.

“Barely.” She smirked.

“It’s my first one, cut me some slack.” He said, taking mock offense.

“No, I don’t think I will.” She shook her head.

“Looks like I know what I’m working on for the next few weeks.”

“Yeah? How did you _ever_ become an actor without these skills?”

“Oh, you didn’t know? I’ve just been lying about my entire resume my entire life.” He whispered, leaning in.

She let out a noise of disbelief, shoving his shoulder lightly.

“You sure you want to tell me that?” Jade asked, keeping the bit going, “You just gave me the power to end your entire career.”

“Nah, I’ll be fine,” He said reassuringly, “You just gave me some Hollywood-Arts-Level acting tips, I’ll rebuild my career and be back on my feet in no time.”

 _Fine, Oliver, you win this round. Maybe you’re not the scum of the earth after all._ She thought, her mind in a weird blend of defeat and defiance. In defiance of what, she wasn’t exactly sure, but her mind was clearly set in defiance of _something_. Jade hated being wrong. But luckily for her, she technically wasn’t. He was still a Pretty-Boy who was thirsty for fame and all that superficial crap.

But he also had a good sense of humor, the kind that was easy to get along with. 

She stared at him observantly. He didn’t waver under her glare, surprisingly. It was like he actually enjoyed bickering or whatever _this_ was.

“Damn, I knew I shouldn’t have told you anything.”

“Maybe you should’ve switched seats with Hayley after all.” He shrugged.

“Oh is that so?” She challenged, “Because you wouldn’t have just learned one of the most important secrets of acting if I wasn’t sitting here, so looks like you actually owe me for this one.” 

“That’s some solid logic right there, I don’t think I can argue with that.” He nodded.

“Good. I love being right.” She replied plainly biting her lower lip in an attempt to quell the smirk threatening to break out on her face.

* * *

“Tell me you wouldn’t die to see a movie about an unstable wizard who’s totally dependent on chocolate.” He said, catching up to her as they walked out of the gate.

“I really don't think I would.” She deadpanned, not turning back.

“Oh come on, I’ve been trying for the past hour already. One of them had to be good.” He said, disbelievingly.

“Yeah, you’d think, looks like you gotta keep working on it.” She shrugged in mock sympathy.

“Is he ever actually gonna get it or are you gonna keep torturing him?” Pepper laughed.

“That depends on him.” Jade smirked, “If he gets it, then he gets it. But he has to put in at least _a little_ work.”

Beck groaned in agony, earning a laugh from Jade. He’d been trying for most of the flight, and yes, she felt slightly bad for denying him any form of validation, but it was also pretty fucking funny. 

“Jade, Pepper! We need you down here for confessionals.” An intern called towards them.

Already? They hadn’t even left the airport yet. She sobered, straightening up as she remembered exactly what they were ‘supposed’ to do. It was impossible to forget about the cameras, but she was desperate for breathing room at this point.

She sighed, turning on her heel, “See you.” She nodded towards Beck.

He gave her a lazy salute, “I’ll keep working on my character-building skills while you’re at it.”

* * *

“Are we done for today or are they going to make us do more shit?” Jade asked, getting out of the car. They’d finally been allowed to leave the airport and make their way to their temporary-residence for the week.

“Nah, I think we’re done for the day.” Alyssa replied, digging her bag out of the trunk.

“Jade, I think I got it!”

She turned to find Beck making his way towards the three of them.

“You’re back again?” She deadpanned, “Thought you gave up already.”

“I could never.” He replied confidently, “Right now hear me out.”

“Oh my god, you’re still doing this?” Pepper groaned jokingly.

“Yeah, but Pepper you gotta believe me when I say that this one’s my best one.” He reaffirmed, “You ready for your minds to be blown?”

Jade rolled her eyes, “Right, hit me with it.” She said, looking at him expectantly.

“So. An astrologist who only smiles when it’s Pisces season… And she’s also being wrongfully accused of murder by her downstairs neighbor, but turns out, she just really likes exercising while watching horror movies.” He concluded with an anticipating look on his face.

“Well? Did I do it?” He asked after a brief moment of silence.

“Okay _fine_ , you did it.” She conceded, “That one was better than your last ones.”

“Finally!” He said triumphantly, smiling broadly, “I can’t believe I didn’t get you with the chocolate-dependent wizard though, that one’s still my favorite.”

She wasn’t sure why it was of any significance to him but for whatever reason, it was.

“Okay, okay. You did it. Now you can stop listing off random traits.” She told him, smirking lightly.

“Beck! We need you over here!” A producer called from behind them.

“See you, Jade.” He smiled brightly before turning to leave.

She mirrored his smile, despite herself. What could she do? His sense of accomplishment was weirdly endearing.

“See you, Beck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new chapter day, gang! From now on, I'm gonna be splitting up the weeks, starting with this chapter. For the past 6 chapters, I've been doing one week = one chapter, but as the competition goes on and more contestants get sent home, I figured I could spend more time elaborating on each week :) Kay that's all, let me know how you feel about this chapter if you feel so inclined.
> 
> Also !! Some fun news.... I'm on tumblr now! I've been on tumblr for a while but I figured, hey why not make a separate blog for my writing and shit. So if you wanna get in touch w me outside of the comments, feel free to hmu: borrowedthemoonlite.tumblr.com :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AYYY!! After more than two weeks, she's back and better than ever!

“It’s date card time!” Pepper sang as she came careening into the room, Andre closely following with the envelopes in hand.

_ Here we go again _ , Jade sighed internally. Just like that, the entire process was starting over again.

“Okay, so! We have three envelopes, but there are only nine of us left, which means that two of these are one-on-one dates  _ or _ we have one one-on-one date and the first two-on-one date of the season.” Andre announced to the group, “I’ll leave these here and you can open them when you’re ready.”

Andre placed the cards on the table in the center of the room before leaving.

“Drumroll please!” Pepper called, getting up and grabbing the envelopes as Alyssa drummed her hands on the table in anticipation.

“Open them!” Gabriella said anxiously. Jade had to hold back an eye roll, they were  _ envelopes _ for god’s sake. Not like they got them  _ every week  _ or something… Oh wait… 

“We have a one-on-one date, ladies!” Pepper cheered before placing the card down before Maya, “Congrats, Maya, on your very first one-on-one date!”

Jade felt obligated to applaud in congratulations with the others. She still didn’t care but it clearly meant something to Maya who sat beaming.

“Okay, okay, open the next ones.” Jenny chimed from her seat.

Pepper opened the second one, flourishing dramatically, “You know, I shouldn’t have been allowed to do this, I’m the worst at it.” She laughed, “Anyways! Ooh, we have  _ another _ one-on-one date… Alyssa, it’s your turn!”

Alyssa gasped excitedly, smiling softly, “Oh my god, finally.”

Jade quickly congratulated Alyssa. Meredith had received the majority of the solo-dates so far, and Alyssa seemed excited to finally be getting one, why shouldn’t Jade be happy for her? They were friends. Well, kinda, but still.

“And that leaves the rest of us for the group date obviously, but I’m still gonna read it,” Pepper opened the third envelope before carrying on, “So, the group date’s gonna be me, Jade, Hayley, Gabriella, Meredith, Sonya, and Jenny!”

Great, a whole day with Hayley  _ and _ Meredith. The one good thing about Meredith’s claim to one-on-one dates was that Jade hadn’t had to deal with her outside of rose ceremonies or the occasional interaction in the villa. But a whole day? And with Hayley, who was definitely after Jade’s head after last week? Universe, please have mercy on her soul.

* * *

“I was so scared it was gonna be a two-on-one this week.” Pepper admitted in the car.

Jade at the wheel, Pepper in the passenger seat. The only difference was the absence of Alyssa, and of course, Gwen, with Gabriella and Jenny replacing them in the back seats. Jade had barely talked to the other two, but they’d ended up in the car anyways. 

“They’re so shitty,” Jade responded, “I know we’re getting at  _ least _ one this season, I just don’t know  _ when _ .”

There were a whole lot of things wrong with the show in Jade’s opinion. But the two-on-ones were something else. They sent two girls on a date and at the end, one got a rose, the other didn’t. But unlike the group dates, the one who didn’t get a rose didn’t get another chance to get one at the rose ceremony. They were just sent home like that without warning or a chance to redeem themselves.

It was probably just a way to dramatically send someone home, but Jade didn’t actually know what was up with the whole date system. She still wasn’t totally sure that the date cards weren’t picked by the network and producers.

Either way it seemed crappy to her.

* * *

Alyssa’s one-on-one date had seemingly gone well. They’d gone to some yoga place and went on some bike tour afterwards, which sounded like Jade’s own personal hell, but had apparently worked for Alyssa as she came back, rose in hand. 

“Ladies and Beck, welcome to the San Antonio River Walk,” Andre started off the day.

_ Well no fucking duh, we know where we are, we drove ourselves here, _ she thought dryly. To say she was fed up was the understatement of the century. But unfortunately for her, producers didn’t really give a shit about bad moods or whatever the hell was going on in her life.

Andre had described it as a “15 mile oasis, surrounded by the best of city  _ and _ country life, in the heart of San Antonio.” Whatever that meant. Which sounded totally pretentious to Jade but people sounding pretentious was the least shocking thing about filming. 

“For today’s date you’ll be breaking off individually with Beck for your own photo shoots. Along with that you’ll also be working with our stylist-slash-makeup artist along with our photographer.” Andre announced.

Interesting. She shouldn’t have been surprised, earlier that week, Pepper and Alyssa had gone over the in’s-and-out’s of the show and all apparently, photo shoot dates were a common occurrence.

“Totally called it,” Jade heard Pepper mutter from next to her.

From what she’d learned, most of these photo shoot dates had a theme. But this week they were going for a  _ ‘location based shoot’ _ , which was only slightly better. Alternatively, she’d rather have  _ ‘location based’  _ over  _ ‘vampire romance novel cover’  _ or  _ ‘shotgun wedding’ _ , both of which had been actual themes used in the past. Or so she’d been told.

The only reason they did half of this shit was to show off all the overly-fancy and overly-expensive crap that they could afford anyways. Not like they had actually asked for anyone’s input on things  _ they _ wanted. But none of that was particularly surprising seeing as she was still there.

* * *

Jade grabbed another champagne flute from the table, sitting back down in the weirdly painted chair she’d been in for the past hour or so. Fifteen minutes ago, Pepper had been sent away to find Beck and to take their damn pictures on the damn river boat.

“We’ve only been here for two hours and you’re already on your second?” Hayley said snarkily in disapproval.

Jade sighed in exasperation, rolling her eyes. What was Hayley’s damn problem? Would it have killed her to mind her own business for once in her life?

“Don’t talk to me like that.” Jade spat out, glaring her down, “Maybe I wouldn’t need to get another one of these if you would stop being this insufferable. But you’re not really showing any signs of stopping, so.”

Hayley let out a dismissive laugh. God, she was the worst. “Whatever. Not like I care, show up drunk for all I’m concerned. I was just trying to help.”

Jade stared at her in disbelief. “You sure got a weird way of showing ‘help’, don’t you think?” She scoffed, “Don’t patronize me, Hayley. I’m not an idiot.”

She was acutely aware of the cameras that were practically glued to them. But who gave a fuck about the cameras? They wanted drama? Well she had weeks of grievances she needed to air out.

“What are you trying to say, Jade?” Hayley raised a brow in an attempt to look intimidating.

_ I’m not scared of you, asshole, _ she thought bitterly. Hayley was exactly the type of person who felt that they were oh-so-holier-than-thou. But at that point, Jade was used to dealing with people like that. People who never woke up and saw the world for what it was. The kind of people who were coddled their entire lives and didn’t know how to deal with the real world. Hayley had been so used to controlling everything, but the second she ran into any resistance, she turned hostile.

“You’re trying to cause shit without us knowing. What, do you think we don’t see it? You’re pathetic if you think doing this puts you further ahead than anyone else.” 

“Please. You’re delusional. You don’t know the first thing about me or what it takes to get where I am. It’s a wonder you’re still in the game.”

_ Oh. _ Hayley was really pushing it. Anger rose in Jade’s chest as she took a step forward. 

“Jade, no.” Sonya hissed, pulling her back, “She’s not worth it.”

Jade blinked back at Sonya in confusion, “Don’t side with her on this. You were part of the people who  _ wanted  _ me to do something about her weeks ago.” She whispered.

“Right, but that was weeks ago. This is now. If you do this, she’s gonna come running up to Beck and lie about what happened. She’ll make herself seem like the victim. Don’t make things worse for yourself, Jade.” 

Damn it she was right. Jade turned around to give Hayley another glare before dropping her arms to her sides and walked away, sighing. Besides, even if she  _ had _ gone through with it, the cameras would’ve picked it up and all of a sudden, Jade would be known as the girl who started a fight on national television. The goal was to stay off of the blacklist and she had to stick to that, even if her gank of a moral compass disagreed.

Soon after, Hayley was called for her shoot with Beck, ruining any chance of potential confrontation. But god, it would’ve been incredible to see Hayley show up to the photoshoot with a good chunk of hair missing from her scalp.

Not that Jade would do that. But if given a chance she probably wouldn’t have had that much self control.

“Oh come on, don’t look at me like that,” Sonya said, “I was trying to help you.”

“Yeah but she’s  _ awful _ .” Jade muttered, “Aren’t you sick of not standing up to her? Who gives a shit if it gets me kicked off?”

“Kinda thought that  _ you _ would care.” Sonya replied skeptically, “I know we’re not friends, and I  _ know  _ that we’re all annoyed with Hayley, but Beck isn’t and messing with Hayley just makes her look like a victim.”   
  
Beck wasn’t an idiot, surely he could see what Hayley was doing. Sure, Sonya made a few points, but that didn’t mean she could just insert herself into Jade’s life like that. That would imply that they had some kind of solidarity. And sure, maybe Sonya meant well, but Jade wasn’t really one for making friendships along the way, or whatever people here did when they inevitably lost.

* * *

“Hello, again.” Beck said, coming up behind her.

She winced slightly, stopping herself before it was made apparent that he’d managed to scare her.

“Huh, fancy seeing you here.” She replied sardonically, lifting a brow, “You know what they’re sending us to do?”

He shrugged, sitting in the seat next to her, “We’ll find out whenever they come and get us.”

She frowned at herself in the mirror. What was the point of putting her through hair and makeup all over again if they didn’t even know what they wanted her to do?

“Then why am I even sitting here? They just made me change my damn clothes.” She snapped, slouching in her seat.

“If it makes you feel better this is the fifth outfit I’ve had to wear today.” He replied sympathetically.

She turned to look at him properly for the first time that day. Huh. Not bad.

“Are you allowed to keep them? The clothes I mean.”

“Yeah… Why?” He replied tentatively.

“You should keep that shirt, I like it.”

Beck looked at her in confusion, clearly unsure how to process what she’d said. She smirked at his silence.

“Keep looking at me like that and I’ll steal it.” She deadpanned.

“Okay, right about now the sun is setting and the evening lights are coming on, so I’m actually going to send you down to the bridge.” The photographer came into the room, after what might have been the longest moment of Jade’s life, “That way, you get a nice silhouette and get a pop of color in the background.”

“Alright, West, let’s do this.” Beck said and swiftly grabbed Jade’s hand, pulling her out of her seat and taking her with him,.

Since when had hand holding been something they did? Rather, since when had they become hand holding people? But apparently, some time between the flight to San Antonio and that day, it had happened.

“You know, I can walk by myself.” She said skeptically.

“But what’s the fun in that?” He called back to her.

* * *

“You should give me more of those acting things from when you were in high school.” Beck said softly.

“Now?” She replied, “We’re not supposed to be moving, you do know that?”

“Maybe not now, but another one of these days? Or it could be a plane-thing. You give me a new one and I get the entire flight to do it.”

So she was staying on then. That meant he was planning on giving her a rose that week. Maybe she was reading into things but it clearly implied that she’d still be there next week. And maybe even the week after that. And the one after that. And just how long would she be here for?

“Well I only have so many weeks here, who knows how many flights I’ll actually be here for. So, let’s maybe not commit to anything yet.” She said cautiously, hoping that he’d get it. She hated when people read into things, but if it was ever necessary, it was now.

Beck gave her a skeptical look, “Be a little more confident in yourself.” He reassured her.

“Stop moving! You’re out of your poses.” The photographer chided the two of them, sighing. Although to be fair, they had been out of pose more than in pose over the past few minutes.

Beck had the decency to give the photographer an apologetic look before moving back. Despite the fact that they’d been put into a cramped row on an airplane earlier that week, being this close to him felt off. It was oddly vulnerable. Especially with this damn photographer’s  _ ‘vision’  _ for the shoot.

She couldn’t blame Beck, she really couldn’t. But god, this photographer was killing her. 

Was it pretty? Sure, if sunsets and string lights and bridges were your thing. 

But was she necessarily  _ ready _ for his hands on her waist and having to look up at him? 

No. They weren’t there yet. They would  _ never _ get to that point, this shouldn’t have been happening.

It was like someone had inserted her into an actual relationship. Even though she wasn’t. Or was she? Technically she was ‘dating’ Beck. But technicality wasn’t equal to actuality.

It hadn’t occurred to her how far she’d actually ‘made it’.

She stared up at him blankly, checking to see how he was taking the current situation. He met her eye, raising a brow in question.

Huh. On surface level, he seemed to be taking it better than her, actor or not.

His eyes dropped to her lips and he leaned in slightly, almost imperceptibly.  _ And holy shit what was happening? _

Hypothetically, what would even happen if she kissed him? Was there any actual harm in it? Surely it wouldn’t be  _ bad _ . It was just… Testing the waters… 

But now? Did it actually have to be now? When literally  _ every _ camera was on them? 

She couldn’t just kiss him, right? That wasn’t an option.

She hadn’t even decided how she  _ felt _ about him and they were just supposed to kiss right in front of all those cameras, and by conjecture, every single viewer? Sure it was all for TV, but it was still their lives. They were actual people, not some pawns in this twisted game created by network TV and glazed over viewers.

And sure, she  _ could _ kiss him with almost zero repercussions. But it weirdly felt like a lie. If she kissed him that would imply that there was something actually  _ there _ . But there wasn’t. Or at least, she didn’t think there was.

She turned her head quickly, jerking back as little as possible. He loosened his grip on her waist ever so slightly, both of them unable to look each other in the eye.

Well shit. Not their finest moment.

She had never been awkward, but for whatever reason, this damned show was out to get her.

He’d tried to kiss her. Surely that meant he was at least  _ interested _ . But what about her? Hell if she knew. Even if she tried, she wouldn’t have been able to find the words for it.

_ ‘Hey, Jade. How do you  _ really _ feel about this whole situation?’ _

_ ‘First of all, die. Second of all, I don’t  _ know _? I’ve only been here for seven weeks.’ _

Her brain was a scrambled, confused mess. It was the damn show’s fault, she knew it. It was all the damn cameras. 

Sure, she was an actor. Sure, she’d done camera work before. But that was different. Recently, she’d been learning that merely camera work and reality TV work were two completely different realms. Being on camera while acting was her being someone else, someone who wasn’t her. She was an actor, it was the main part of the job. But it also wasn't her, it was Jade West playing a character. 

Here she was meant to be her. Here she was just Jade West. But was she actually? She knew that a good amount of things that happened were orchestrated for sure. And the longer she stayed, the more the lines between reality and reality TV got blurred.

“I wouldn’t make an empty promise like that .” Beck said softly.

“What?” She muttered, keeping as still as she possibly could have, as if all the guilt she felt would come bursting out of the cracks if she moved.

“Nothing. Just that if I were you, I wouldn’t rule myself out that fast.”

* * *

Meredith ended up getting the date rose from that night, which hadn’t really surprised Jade. She knew how things worked around here and it was nice to finally get everything over with. But clearly, Pepper had an apparent issue with it as she hadn’t let it go even days later at the rose ceremony.

“Their pictures sucked though.” Pepper huffed, slumping into the armchair across from Jade.

“She’s his favorite, Pepper, it doesn’t  _ matter _ .” Jade scoffed. They’d gone through almost the exact same conversation the days before. Jade couldn’t stand it anymore, Meredith was annoying, but the conversation was starting to get annoying too. 

“Sure,  _ ‘favorite’ _ .” Pepper replied sarcastically, “Besides, if they’re going to give roses out after group dates, there should be higher standards. Why does she get to receive roses for nothing? Just because he likes her better?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty stupid.” Jade agreed flatly, taking another sip from her champagne flute. She hadn’t told Pepper or Alyssa about the almost-kiss and it was eating her alive. 

“I’m still pretty sure it’s rigged.” Pepper insisted, “The fact that Meredith’s stayed this long? No offense, but what do they even have to talk about? She’s  _ boring _ .”

Jade smirked, biting back an almost laugh. Pepper was right about at least one thing, no one could deny that.

“But look where we are.” Jade reminded her, “isn’t  _ ‘boring’ _ what they want? Viewers eat that shit up.”

“Yeah and I don’t get it!” Pepper whined, “Why do people like boring?”

“Hell if I know,” Jade shrugged.

“You guys are so negative,” Alyssa chimed in, coming back inside and sitting down with the two of them.

“She’s back on her Meredith-rant.” Jade called back, downing the rest of her champagne.

“Again?” Alyssa gave Pepper an disapproving look, “This is like the fourth time in the past three days.”

“Can you blame her though?” Jade groaned, “Meredith’s entire personality is just  _ ‘nice’ _ .”

“I just hate that she gets roses  _ every single time _ ,” Pepper sighed, “I know he likes her, but I don’t know what else to do. I can’t tell if he even likes talking to me or not.”

“Beck’s nice, I’m sure he does think badly of you.” Alyssa consoled, giving Pepper a pat on the arm.

“Yeah, easy for you to say, you’re like his other favorite!” Pepper whined, “You  _ and  _ Jade. I’m trying my hardest here.”

Jade looked up sharply in confusion. “Favorite? Yeah right.” She snorted, rolling her eyes. Technically she hadn’t told Pepper or Alyssa about the almost-kiss-that-would-never-be-addressed. And she intended to keep it that way. It wasn’t  _ lying _ . It was  _ omission _ , they were very different things. Withholding evidence was still a crime in court, sure. But as the saying went, what they didn’t know, wouldn’t kill them either.

“Okay maybe ‘favorite’ was a strong word. But at least he knows who you are, because it sure doesn’t feel like that.”

“Maybe you just need time with him without Meredith.” Alyssa said encouragingly, “I’m sure you’re getting a rose.”

“Yeah, probably.” Pepper frowned, “Technically, we get that next week but I was kinda hoping to get a solo date with him before he meets my family.”

Shit. Jade had forgotten about that. 

Should she receive a rose that night, which was practically a pseudo-guarantee coming from Beck at that point, she would advance to the next week which was “Hometowns Week”. It was one of two major make or breaks in the fresh hell that was the Bachelor Universe. During Hometowns, they’d be going to each of their hometowns and introducing Beck to their family. 

Apparently, people had been waiting and planning for their own Hometowns date since the second week. Jade hadn’t been one of those people.

But she’d get to it when she got there.

“Jade, you gonna go talk to Beck?” Alyssa asked, “I think he’s free right now.”

“No.” She gave Alyssa a look, faltering slightly before asking “Why? You think I should?”

Did Alyssa know what happened on the group date? What other reason would she have for asking? Jade felt her neck heat up, glancing around in uncertainty.

“You don’t have to, just thought you’d want to know.” Alyssa shrugged.

Jade craned her neck towards the main area of the garden. Should she go out there? Was that a thing she did now?

No. She was never the type for talking or reaching out to people. That wasn’t a thing she did.

But then again, she also wasn’t the type for going on reality TV shows and look where that had got her. And they should probably talk about what had happened on the group date. She wasn’t going to bring it up with Alyssa or Pepper, no, of course not. But she’d be safe bringing it up to Beck, he was there, it wouldn’t shake him to his core.

“Yeah, sure. I guess I’ll go.” She replied, keeping an indifferent tone. Whatever, it wasn’t that big of a deal. 

She got up, pushing the doors to the garden open. She was met by the cool night air and the sound of her own heels clacking across the tiles. God, this was so dumb. She had lost her mind for sure, there was no way she was actually doing this.

She rolled her eyes at herself internally.  _ You’re going soft, West _ , she chided herself. She knew it was a terrible decision, really. But there she was, doing it anyways.

“Hey.” Beck said, clearly caught off guard that she had shown up.

“Yeah, hey.” She replied, taking the seat next to him.

They sat in silence, which seemed to have become part of their routine nowadays. Jade stared down at her shoes in an awkward attempt to look busy, or distracted, or something.

“I’m surprised you came out here,” he said, daring to break the silence, “Usually I have to come and find you.”   


“Yeah, I figured we should probably clear up what happened.” She said, barely meeting his eyes before quickly deflecting and shifting topics “But I don’t want to talk about all that crap, so let’s not.”

He nodded tentatively, in clear confusion, before replying, “I’m open to whatever. So hit me.”

Well, he  _ did _ say he was open to anything.

“Can I ask you something?” She asked, feigning nonchalance.

“Go right ahead.”

“Why am I still here?” Her words came out before her brain could stop her. But to be fair, it was an anything goes situation. “You keep giving me roses, but have I actually done anything that warrants them? I mean, I won’t even answer questions about myself.”

She wasn’t sure if she was doing it because she felt bad about Pepper’s lamenting, or if it was the almost-kiss, or whatever it was, but it was probably an amalgamation of the two.

“Yeah, but you don’t have to.” He replied simply.

“What do you mean?” She was sure that the confusion was apparent on her face.

“I mean, I get it. I get not wanting to let every single person in. I used to say that I had no secrets, that I was an open book. But shit happens, and that changed pretty quickly. So no, you don’t have to answer anything yet, not if you don’t want to. Same thing goes for two days ago, don’t sweat it.”

She was taken aback by this sudden understanding coming from him and pushed aside the swell of fondness that had risen in her chest.

Damn it. He really didn’t make it easy to hate him.

Ever since she’d been in high school, Jade had always had a hard time explaining herself to others. Somewhere along the line, the things she felt got lost in translation, and the words came out all wrong. She was used to people not getting it. 

But Beck got it. Or at least, he kinda did. There was no pressure to have to explain herself. There were no expectations for what she ‘should be doing’. There was an understanding that she was just Jade. And she was allowed to be just Jade.

“Thanks. That’s all I really had to say to you.” She shrugged, keeping up the veil of nonchalance, “Guess I’ll see you later.”

She gave him a quick smile before getting up and leaving.

God, she had got herself into an absolute fucking mess. 

* * *

The rose ceremony had gone exactly how she’d expected. Just like she had weeks and weeks before, Meredith got the first rose, which made Pepper give Jade a pointed look. Then came Alyssa’s. And then Hayley’s, after which Jade had heard an audible groan from at least three people. It took every muscle in her body to stop herself from smirking. Then Maya received hers, which had surprised Jade but apparently, Beck was well acquainted with surprising her.

“Jade.” He called her name from the front of the room.

If anything, he stuck to his promises. She tampered down a shrug of resignation as she made her way to the front of the room.

“Will you accept this rose?” He asked, echoing the weeks and weeks before. It was practically an overplayed record at this point.

“I will.” She replied, also repeating herself from weeks and weeks before.

Then Andre stepped out, facing the rest of them, “This is the last rose of the night, those of you who do not receive a rose will be going home. Beck, whenever you’re ready.”

Jade heard a sharp inhale from beside her as Pepper realized that she might be sent home that week. However the suspense hadn’t lasted long, as Pepper’s name was the next one called.

Jade looked over to see Pepper let out a sigh of relief. Well, at least  _ someone _ was happy. 

Feeling lost had become a recurring theme for Jade. No, she wasn’t  _ thrilled _ , but she didn’t feel as upset as she knew she should have.

“This week we’re saying goodbye to Gabriella, Sonya, and Jenny. You have a half hour to pack up your things and say your goodbyes. For the rest of you, congratulations on advancing to another week.”

“Looks like we all made it!” Alyssa cheered as they wrapped up that week’s rose ceremony.

“I really thought I was leaving,” Pepper sighed, “But hometowns here we come!”

“Yeah.” Jade replied spacily, “Hometowns.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the wait, this week has been super busy for me. I'm starting applications for College soon, so I have to take a bunch of tests, and prepping for those on top of school work has just made my life absolutely hectic. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I'm genuinely so sorry I couldn't update as fast as I wanted to.
> 
> But next chapter's gonna be hella dramatic and I'm so ready.
> 
> Anyways! Once again, if you want to get in contact with me outside of comments, you can find me on tumblr @ borrowedthemoonlite.tumblr.com


	9. Chapter 9

Hometowns week. How fucking great. Jade’s was the last of the six, she really couldn’t complain because she hadn’t planned that far ahead and needed all the time she could get. 

There were three in total taking place in Los Angeles and the producers had wanted to ‘spread them out’ throughout the week. The producers reasoned that it was for the ‘variety’, but in Jade’s opinion it wasn’t worth flying in and out of LA that many times. So much for trying to ‘reduce their carbon footprint’ or whatever Pepper had said they were trying to do last week.

Meredith had gotten hers out of the way as she started off the week. Pepper’s hometown visit in Illinois had been the second of the week and they had flown out to Illinois. Then they were back in LA for Hayley’s. Then Maya’s up in Vermont, and Alyssa’s in Connecticut.

Before she knew it, it had been time for Jade’s. There were two requisites for a Hometowns Date. For the first part, she was allowed to decide what they’d be doing rather than Beck. It was meant to allow her to show Beck around her hometown. 

As if he hadn’t already been there with Meredith and Hayley. 

As if he wasn’t from LA himself. 

But once that was out of the way, the worst part would come. He actually had to meet her family, which Jade was practically bracing herself for. But in the week of planning she’d had, she had done her best to cushion the blow and make things easier for herself.

* * *

“Hi, good to see you!” Beck greeted, getting into the car shortly after Jade had pulled up.

Jade raised a brow and gave a lazy wave in his direction. She wasn’t a nervous person normally, but this was something else. Most of her time there had been spent on group dates, barring the one-on-one date they’d had that felt eons away. This was the first time it would be just them since then. Now there was no safety net. On group dates, she could easily break off and complain to Gwen, Pepper, or Alyssa. But that wasn’t an option available to her anymore, it was all on her.

“What’s the plan for today? Where are we going?” Beck asked as she started driving.

“The producers asked me what I wanted to do this week to show you around my hometown. But you’re from here so there’s not a lot I could do that you haven’t already done.” If she was being honest, she was actually kinda proud of this date. Not that it really mattered to her but she was proud nonetheless.

“The suspense is killing me, Jade, you’ve gotta tell me.”

“Okay, _fine_.” She sighed, she’d been hoping for a comfortable silence on the drive but so much for that, “You told me last week that you wished you’d gone to Hollywood Arts growing up. Reliving high school is my actual nightmare, but we’re going anyways. I’ll show you around or whatever and you can meet some of my friends. You can live vicariously through my own experiences and fulfill all your child-actor dreams.”

“Really?” He asked with a cross of disbelief and excitement apparent on his face.

“Yes, really. There’s nothing in LA that I could show you that you couldn’t see for yourself, so I decided to take you to the one place I know you couldn’t.”

“I know you were just making fun of me, like, two seconds ago, but that’s actually so fucking cool.” Beck grinned at her from the passenger seat.

“You really think so?” She held back a smirk, shrugging, “Well, at least one of us is gonna have a good time.” 

* * *

“Welcome to Hollywood Arts, Oliver.” Jade said, once they had got out of the car, sounding like a mildly-plastic-TV-persona. The show was getting to her in the worst possible way.

As they approached the main entrance of the school, Jade began to realize that this may not have been the best idea. She hadn’t even visited Hollywood Arts since she graduated, and the one day she _was_ coming back, she was on this damn show. It was too late to change plans, but it didn’t do much to sway the unsettling nervousness she felt.

She turned to look at Beck after not receiving a response. He normally knew what to say and when to say it, but this time he seemed to be rendered speechless. Whether that was a good thing or not, Jade wasn’t sure.

“Well? What do you think?” She asked, breaking the silence. Rationally, she shouldn’t have cared, she really shouldn’t have. But rationality didn’t stop her from mentally crossing her fingers in hopes that he didn’t hate it too much.

“I don’t know what to say.” He let out breathlessly. Jade felt a swell of pride at that. She’d made the guy who always knew what to say speechless for once. For Jade, it had been _weeks_ of being confused into silence, but she wasn’t the only one this time.

“You gonna stay here staring or do you actually want to go inside?” She asked, smirking.

He snapped out of whatever trance he had been trapped in and sprinted to catch up to her.

It was hard not to be weirded out. In her mind, there were two different sections of her life. One was her actual life, the other was what had become her ‘Bachelor Life’. The two weren’t supposed to combine. They were separate. Or at least they were _meant_ to be.

Beck turned to look at her expectantly, “Where do we start then? You lead the way.”

Jade shook herself out of the hellish reverie her mind had thought its way into. “We’re starting at the beginning,” she told him, “We only have like an hour or two before we have to leave, so we’re going to my favorite room first and then we can figure out where to go from after that.”

She grabbed the sleeve of his jacket, leading him down the hall that she used to know like the back of her own hand. They stopped right in front of a door and he looked at her expectantly.

“This is my old acting classroom, it was always my favorite.” She explained, “Our teacher was crazy, but in the best way possible.”

“The one who gave you guys those acting exercises?” He asked.

“Yeah, it is.” She replied slightly taken aback, she had forgotten that she’d told him about that.

She wrenched open the door, stepping into the room. It had been years since she had gone back to Hollywood Arts, let alone Sikowitz’s old classroom. It was weird to think that at one point her entire life had been in this school.

“If you _ever_ want to know anything about me, it’s that this class was _everything_ to me back then.” She muttered, finding her old seat and dropping into the chair, “My dad didn’t want me to go here but I wouldn’t give up until I was allowed. And here I am.”

“And here you are.” He echoed, “I know you said that you don’t like talking much, but we’re the only people here so I think it’s safe to assume that we kind of _have_ to talk.”

“You’re underestimating how long I’ve iced people out for.” She smirked, “I could see people every day for three months straight and I’d still have ‘em at an arm’s distance.”

“And am I included in that group of people?” He asked, raising a brow.

“That’s up to you to decide.”

“I really don’t think it is.” He shook his head, “I make a lot of decisions on here, but this is out of my jurisdiction.”

“Then we’ll just have to see how today goes, won’t we?”

“I suppose we will.” He sighed, dropping in to the seat next to her before changing the subject, “Why didn’t your dad want you to come here? It seems incredible and clearly it meant a lot to you.”

“You know how parents are sometimes,” She sighed, “it wasn’t that he wanted to ‘crush my dreams’ or anything like that. I think he was just worried about me, wanted me to go into a more stable career. But he came around eventually.”  
  
“Yeah? How’d you convince him it wasn’t a waste of time?”

“I can be heavily persuasive at times.” She smirked.

“You’re telling me.” He laughed lightly.

“No, but for real. I got a scholarship and promised him I’d drop out if I ever lost it, so I couldn’t let my grades drop below a C+. Clearly, I kept them up, but High-School-Jade gave herself more stress than she probably needed to.”

“Tell me about High-School-Jade. How different is she from now-Jade?”

“High-School-Jade was a lot more angry all the time.” She ceded, a weird feeling creeping its way into her chest, “I’m still angry now, but I was way worse at dealing with emotions back then. I didn’t know how to process it all and it seeped its way into everything I did. I was living an angry life. I don’t think it’s bad to be angry, but a lot of the time it took over.”

He nodded in understanding, “I wasn’t great at emotions either.” He admitted, “I used to pretend that nothing ever bothered me because I didn’t want to be a burden on anybody. But I was so wrapped up in trying to be the perfect friend that I lost myself on the way. It felt like I wasn’t even a human being, I was just going through all the motions to meet standards I set for myself.”

“Damn. Looks like we were both messes, huh?” She let out a scoff in an attempt to lighten the mood. 

Logically, they hadn’t really crossed that line yet in her mind. Or at least, she hadn’t thought they’d crossed the line into Vulnerability and Self-Analysis yet. Apparently she was wrong because here they were.

But then again, nothing in the last two months had gone logically.

“Yeah, but we were just kids. We needed time to grow, just like everyone.” He said consolingly, “But now, we’re fine. Well, for the most part.”

She smirked softly, “I know, but I just find it funny that we’re at my old high school, but I’m pretty sure you would’ve hated me if we knew each other then.”

“Nah, I don’t think so.” He shook his head, “Besides, I saw you in a show that one time and I thought you seemed pretty cool then.”

He seemed to realize that being vulnerable wasn’t her strong suit and backed off quickly, dropping the intensity. She internally let out a sigh of relief, feeling like a weight had been lifted from her chest.

After a moment of silence, she spoke up again, “Speaking of old shows, there’s an archive in the library with all the past shows… I figured that that was the best way to show you my high school experience.”

“You lead the way then.”

* * *

Watching her old shows was strange to say the least. 

She knew it was her, but it had felt lightyears away. To say it was trippy was an understatement.

“I don’t even recognize you.” Beck said as they watched the fall show from her freshman year. _Les Miserables_. She had been Madame Thenardier.

“ _I_ don’t even recognize me.” She sighed, “I can barely watch these.”

It didn’t really matter at that point. If anything, they were there to kill time.

The real issue was what would happen once the remaining half hour was done.

“So… What do I need to know before meeting your family?” He asked as if he had read her mind.

Damn, so it really was happening then.

“Right. Today you’re meeting a bunch of people, not just my parents.” She explained, “I’m not super close with my parents, so I actually have a couple of friends coming as well. So yeah, you’re going to be meeting Cat and Tori too.”

He nodded in acknowledgment after being met by her anticipatory silence.

“Now brace yourself, because I have a huge immediate family, and they’re all coming.” She looked over at him despite her inability to read him, “So you have my parents, Jasper and Lela. Like I said, they’re divorced, so if you address my mom remember that _her_ last name is Ludgate, not West. Then there’s my step-mom, Amy, and my mom’s boyfriend, Anthony. My parents are on good terms for the most part, so we should be good on that front.”

She paused again, as if he would decide everything was a little too much and get up and leave after hearing about her family. There was no reasoning behind it, but the insecurities in the back of her mind did nothing to quell her unjustified nerves.

Jade didn’t really know why she cared so much, maybe it was because it was her family. Maybe it was because this made everything real in a sense.

“I also have four siblings, and they’re coming too. You have my older brother, Damien, and my younger brother Julian.”  
  
“You’re the middle child?” He asked, seemingly surprised.

“Big shocker, I know.” She let out a short laugh before getting back to business, “I also have a step-brother, Noah, and a half-sister, Lydia, who’s the youngest out of all of us. There’s a lot of us and I know that we can be a lot to deal with, just a warning.”

“Okay, yeah, that’s not too bad.” He said reassuringly, “I think we can do it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, for sure.”

She checked the time, sighing, “Then let’s do it.”

* * *

The closer the two got to the house, the more Jade wanted to drop the entire thing. Surely it wasn’t too late to just drop the whole thing. 

Beck seemed fine, of course he did. But then again, she wasn’t sure why she was nervous. There was quite literally no reason for her to be nervous.

“You look scared, it’s weird.” Beck said from beside her.

“I don’t get scared.” She shot back defensively. Well, she didn’t normally at least. He gave her a doubting look, as if he thought he had her all figured out, as if he could read her as simply as that. “Besides. You _should_ be scared.”

“Oh, I am.” He replied in a way that should have been comforting, “I’m just worse at showing it.”

“Well it’s a little too late now.” She sighed as they reached the door, “But you _did_ say you could do this.”

The door swung open, “There she is!”

“Hi, Damien.” She smirked, letting him hug her. Damien had always been her favorite of her siblings, not that that was saying a lot, but it held true. Not that she’d ever say that out loud though.

She turned towards Beck, remembering what the whole night was about, “Beck, this is my brother Damien. Damien, this is Beck.”

As the two greeted each other, Jade couldn’t help but feel out of place. Every single alarm in her brain was going off. Her family and her personal life should never mix. And yet they were.

“Is everyone here?” She asked, jumping in.

“Yeah, we were just waiting on you.” Damien replied, motioning for them to step inside.

All eyes were turned to them the second they walked inside, all the previous conversations had ceased. _Oh._ This was how the rest of the night would be going then.

“Hey. This is Beck. Beck, this is my family.” She said to the room, forcing herself not to stammer through her words. 

“Jade! We haven’t seen you in so long!” Cat sang, rushing up to Jade.

“Hi, Cat.” She noticed Tori trailing behind Cat, “Hi to you too, Vega.”

“Hey, Jade.” Tori replied, looking expectantly at Beck who was standing beside Jade.

“Beck, these are my friends, Tori and Cat. I told you about them earlier.”

He greeted the two of them as Jade looked on, with a weird feeling that something was going to happen. Something bad _had_ to happen, they weren’t untouchable, the universe always had some shit planned.

“Jade, the rest of your family’s looking for you, just so you know.” Tori said before Jade could get too lost in her state of being constantly on edge.

“Ugh, fine. I’m going to go find them real quick, Beck you can stay here and talk to those two for now.” 

She walked into the living area, feeling weirdly stiff, as if literally everything in the universe was telling her not to. As she made her way into the room, she was met by a barrage of greetings from her siblings. 

For the most part, Jade had surprisingly been a good older sister, in her opinion at least. So if any good was to come from tonight, it would be getting to see them again.Jade had never been close with her parents, but surprisingly there was no immediate hostility from them as if the universe was set on torturing her furthermore. Although she wasn’t getting her hopes up too much, seeing as that could all change by dinnertime.

* * *

Despite her earlier inhibitions, nothing jarringly bad immediately happened. If anything he actually seemed to be getting along with them. Turned out that Lydia watched The Bachelor religiously and was practically grilling Beck about his season on The Bachelorette, and of course, the current season. Jade watched on anxiously, ready to jump in at any sign of conflict. The situation was _way_ too delicate and she was on edge.

It was weirdly calm. Like it was going a little _too_ well.

“Beck, I take it that Jade hasn’t scared you off yet? Because that would be a first” Lydia asked, grinning.

“Shut up, you lil spaz, don’t think that I don’t notice you wearing my shirt that you totally _stole_.” Jade smirked, rolling her eyes and shoving Lydia’s shoulder.

“See? She’s so violent, I’m only 18, I don’t deserve to be attacked like this.” Lydia gasped in mock offense.

“Nah, your sister’s not that bad.” Beck said, giving Jade a smile from across the table, “She’s already one of the coolest people I know.”

Jade rolled her eyes again, fighting the smile, threatening to break out on her face.

“So, how’ve the last seven weeks been?” Julian asked from beside Jade.

“Really good actually,” Beck replied, glancing over at Jade, “or at least I hope so.”

Jade smirked, “All I’m saying is that it’s week seven and we’ve only played paintball once, so you tell me.”

“Jade, as much as I know you loved paintball, you were _terrifying_ and I don’t want to traumatize everybody else there.” Beck replied.

“Wait, yeah, there are other people too.” Noah pointed out, addressing Beck, “Don’t you think it’s weird that you’re dating like six people at the same time? Like if you actually found someone you wanted to be with, why wouldn’t you just call it over then instead of meeting all of their families only to dump a good majority of them?”

There it was.

Lydia shot a glare at her brother and undoubtedly kicked him from under the table.

A tense silence fell over the room and Jade froze, refusing to look up from her plate. She knew everyone was looking at her. She could feel it. 

“Let’s change the subject!” Her mom suddenly chimed from the end of the table, “Jade, what have you guys been up to all this time?”

“Uh. We went to Texas last week. That was fun I guess.” She said hesitantly. Everyone was still looking at her, damn it. Even though she knew she shouldn’t have, she looked up, even for the briefest moment. Beck was looking at her guiltily, discomfort apparent on his face.

“Who’s watching your house if you’re here?” Her dad asked, always the one for concern.

“Me and Tori are!” Cat answered happily.

“But since they’re here, Daphne’s watching it for a few days. I have it all under control.” She reassured him.

“So when is this season airing?” Damien asked.

“I think it’s three months after filming ends. So three months and three weeks from now.” Beck answered, breaking his silence.

“But you’re totally telling us how it ends before then, right, Jade?” Lydia asked persistently.

“Sure…” Jade replied, uncertainly. Could they not talk about the end? It felt like they were holding her to a standard she just couldn’t meet.

“But why talk about how it ends when we _could_ be talking about what Jade was like when she was younger? I’m sure you all know, but she doesn’t like telling me things.” Beck said, sensing that she was closing in on herself.

Cat chimed in immediately with stories from middle school. Thankfully, it seemed that they’d recovered from the slight lapse for the most part.

Though, they still weren’t completely in the clear yet. After dinner they were meant to split up and talk to everyone separately. And who knew what they’d say when they weren’t both present?

But it didn’t hurt that he got along with Cat and her siblings. Well, almost all of them, if Noah would have kept his mouth shut. But that was still the majority.

Then again, her parents had been oddly restrained this entire night. All four of them. Not that they’d ever been super vocal when she was growing up either. So technically that counted as getting along, right? Surely they would have said something if there was an issue. _We’ll just have to wait and see then,_ she thought, indifferently.

* * *

“Okay, so I’ll see you on the other side.” They’d decided that Beck would be talking to Tori and Cat first, then Jade’s parents, then her siblings last. Alternatively, Jade would be talking to her parents first, then her siblings, and lastly Cat and Tori.

“See you.” She knew she looked nauseous, “Let’s hope it goes well.” It was apparent on her face too, it had to be. But it was the inevitable, what choice did she have?

She opened the door to the patio, where her parents had been waiting for her. They were clearly waiting for her to speak first and she would normally never give them the satisfaction, but as it turned out, her impatient side won out over her stubborn side.

“Well?” She snapped irritably.

“Jade, you’re an adult and you’ve always been responsible, do what you think is right.” Amy said encouragingly. It wasn’t as helpful as she thought, but she had the right energy.

“I have to agree,” her dad joined in, “though I have to admit that I wish you were using this time for work rather than reality TV.” Typical. But she didn’t really expect much else from her dad, he had always been business-minded.

She looked over expectantly to her mom.

“I just want to make sure that you’re doing this for the right reasons, honey.” Her mom gave her one of _those_ looks. The kind that made her feel nervous all the time, the kind that was intended to be comforting but never was.

“What do you mean?” Jade asked, feeling her heart drop to her stomach. ‘Right reasons.’ Technically, she _was_ there for the right reason. If not wanting to get blacklisted counted as a ‘right reason’. But there could be more than one reason she was doing something, right? Not everything was one or the other. Things were grey sometimes.

“Just that I know that you’re trying to make it in theatre and I know that people who come on this show always get money and fame. I want to make sure that you’re not doing this _just_ for that.”

“I can’t believe you would even think that I would sell out like that,” Jade spat out. Her mom had never been more wrong about anything in her life.

“I know that you wouldn’t, but you never know. I’m just looking out for you.”

“Okay, as long as you’re doing it for love.” Anthony said, sensing that things were escalating.

 _Love_ . Well, she wasn’t here for the fame, but _love_? That was a loaded question and he hadn’t even technically asked her anything.

“That’s a strong word, don’t you think?” Jade asked, masking the waver in her voice that showed the anxiety creeping its way into her.

“Maybe,” he shrugged, “but that’s up to you.”

Seeing as none of her parents had any further concerns, she went back inside to talk to her siblings.

“So, let’s hear it then.” Jade said stubbornly, still spiraling from her conversation with her parents.

“I mean, I like him.” Lydia said, beaming and crossing her arms, “But I knew I’d like him already. He was one of my favorites from last season, but he wasn’t a good match for her.”

Jade stared at her in silence “... Okay, does anyone _not biased_ have something to say?”

“I didn’t hate him. Turns out, Beck’s a pretty cool guy, I’m happy for you.” Julian said, giving her a smile.

“Thank you.” She said quickly with a short smile.

“I still think it’s weird, but if you’re okay with it, my opinion’s pretty irrelevant.” Noah said. At least he was making up for earlier, well, if it could be counted as that.

“You don’t normally bring boyfriends home, but he’s my favorite out of the ones you have.” Damien told her.

“Oh come on, Beck’s not my boyfriend.” Jade almost laughed.

She was met with several mildly confused stares.

“What would you call him then?” Julian asked.

“I don’t know. A guy that I hang out with?” She said, clearly put on the spot.

“Yeah, okay.” Lydia snorted, “You sound like kids in my grade and you’re 7 years older than me. If he’s not your boyfriend you’re at _least_ going out.”

“Okay _fine_ .” She ceded, “We’re _going out_ , but let me make it explicitly clear that there are _no labels_ on this relationship.”

“Right, but it still stands. I like him, I think you work well together, and I think you’re good for each other.” Damien said comfortingly.

“Yeah?” She said with an almost-smile, “You like most people you meet though so that’s not surprising.”

“I do, but I’d tell you if I thought he wasn’t good.”

“You’ve gone through a lot of shit, Jade. I’m glad you get a break for once.” Julian gave her a pat on the arm, giving her a smile.

“Gonna be real with you guys,” She said, “I was kinda nervous for you guys to meet him. You know I hate change, so tonight was _really_ weird for me. It felt like everything in my life was combining and that can be scary sometimes.”

“Jade, you’re almost blushing.” Noah laughed, grinning.

“Shut up!” Jade laughed defensively, swatting a hand at him.

“Okay, get out so we can talk to Beck now!” Lydia said persistently.

“Fine, get rid of me like that.” She scoffed, as she walked out the door, “But I expect that shirt back in two weeks!”

So far, she hadn’t run into any outstanding problem, barring the near conflict with her mom. And Tori and Cat had never been particularly picky, so it didn’t look like there _would_ be any arising issues.

“Hey, you two.” Jade said, raising a hand in greeting as she entered the room.

“Jade! He’s incredible, didn’t I say this was a good idea? I knew you guys would work together.” Cat beamed excitedly the moment Jade walked in.

“You did.” Jade deadpanned to balance out Cat’s abundance of energy.

“You’re welcome.” Cat smiled triumphantly.

“Don’t get excited.” She warned, “We still got three weeks left.”

“Yeah, but even still.”  
  
Jade looked over to Tori, who was sitting with a blank look on her face.

“Vega, you good? You were awfully quiet tonight.”

“You didn’t tell him, did you?” Tori said accusingly.

“Just what do you mean?” Jade asked, raising a brow. All her defenses came rushing back up, the cameras were rolling, Tori couldn’t just say whatever she wanted.

“Are you gonna tell him that you didn’t sign up for the show for yourself? You can’t just lie to him like that, you know.”

Shit. Now it was on tape.

“Don’t call me a liar.” She scoffed, crossing her arms.

“I’m not, Jade. But you have to admit that you wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Cat. And you _have_ to admit that the only reason you’re here is because you didn’t want to get blacklisted. You have to tell him.”

“Why does it even matter?” Jade deflected.

“Jade, you didn’t even mean to get this far. _None_ of us thought you’d get this far. I’m not saying that you have to drop out or anything, but he should know the truth.” Tori said, defeatedly.

Tori was right, Jade knew it. But still. It wasn’t very helpful in her opinion.

“Cat, talk some sense into her, _please_.” Jade groaned.

“What are you even scared of? Why are you scared of him knowing the truth? He would have to find out eventually.” Tori insisted.

“It’s not that easy.” Jade grumbled.

“I’m sorry, Jade, but she’s right. You should tell him.” Cat said sadly.

“Are you kidding? You’re siding with her?”

“Look… I don’t know _what’s_ happened in the past few weeks, but _this_ wasn’t your end goal. You were supposed to be back home _weeks_ ago. Just tell him. Please, just tell him.” Tori practically begged.

“Fine.” She spat out, getting out of her seat.

Jade walked back to the other room, where Beck was sat with her siblings. They all looked up as she appeared in the doorway. 

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Beck asked softly smiling up at her.

“Uh, yeah, about that. Beck, can I talk to you? Outside.” She said, looking sideways at her siblings staring up at her in confusion.

“Yeah, for sure. Is everything okay?” He got up, following her out the front door to the porch.

She sat down, unable to look at him.

“Jade? Are you okay?” Beck asked, concern apparent in his voice, “Did something happen inside?”

“I have to tell you something.” She blurted out, regretting it the second she said it. She shouldn’t have come out here, she shouldn’t have asked to talk to him in the first place.

“Okay, yeah. You can tell me whatever you want to.”

“You know that I’ve been really closed off ever since I got here. And I’m normally like that, but there’s a reason why.” She said, bracing herself for the worst, “I’m not supposed to be here.”

“What do you mean?” He asked, confusion clouding his gaze.

“Cat signed me up for the show. I didn’t want to do this. We decided I should do it anyways because I didn’t want to get a bad rep for dropping out. The original plan was to get sent home on the first few weeks if not the first night. But then I kept getting roses, and we kept… Talking. Just… Yeah. I wasn’t supposed to be here. I thought you deserved to know.” She rushed out.

“Oh.” He said, a blank look on his face. Sometimes she wished he wasn’t that good at hiding his feelings. Sometimes she wished she could tell what he was thinking.

“So what does that mean?” He asked, looking up at her.

“What?” She said softly, confused.

“Like, for us. What else don’t I know? Have you just been lying to me this entire time?” He asked sharply, defeat apparent in his eyes. She’d hurt him. Telling him the truth was supposed to save them both from getting hurt and she’d failed.

“It’s not that simple, Beck!” She said defensively.

“What do you mean it’s not that simple? Are you lying to me or not?”

They were fighting now, she should’ve known this was where they would end up.

“Things aren’t black and white like that. Just because I started that way, doesn’t mean that’s how it is now!”

“Right, but how are things right now? Am I kidding myself here? Do I even have a chance?”

“I- I don’t know, Beck. It’s grey! It’s all grey.” She stammered. She hadn’t even thought about everything and now he wanted answers? It hadn’t even been two months, did he really expect her to profess undying love right then and there?

“As in you don’t know if you’re lying to me or not? You’ve been here for seven weeks but you haven’t decided if I’m worth your time yet?”

“No, it’s not like that! Beck, it’s not that simple!” She repeated, “I told you, it’s grey! It’s all just grey area.”

“So I’ve been kidding myself.” He sighed dejectedly. 

“No, Beck, it’s not-”

“It’s not like that, I know. You’ve said.” He wasn’t looking at her anymore. She didn’t blame him. She _couldn’t_ blame him.

“I just- You deserved to know.” She wrenched open the front door and walked back inside, suddenly unable to bare being on the patio any longer.

She found Lydia and Damien waiting at the entrance, where they had clearly been listening at the door.

“What?” She turned sharply to them.

“Sorry, we just heard yelling outside and we were worried about you.” Lydia apologized, looking to Damien in distress.

“Are you okay, Jade?” Damien asked, “What happened out there?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” She snarked and kept going on her way, passing by Noah and Julian who weren’t far behind Damien and Lydia.

She walked back into the room where she had been with Tori and Cat and threw herself onto the couch.

“I hope you’re happy. I did it.” She let out a rough sigh, screwing her eyes shut.

“Jade, I’m so sorry.” Tori rushed to Jade’s side in clear regret.

Jade let out a self-deprecating laugh. God, she was so stupid sometimes, but at least she knew when she had fucked up.

“Yeah, whatever. I’ll see you back home by the end of this week.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is Very Late i know... but i promise you i was working on this chapter every night for the past three weeks, it's just been a super busy month for me. anyways go follow me on tumblr @borrowedthemoonlight


	10. Chapter 10

After how her hometown visit had ended, Jade was, needless to say, not looking forward to the rose ceremony.

As if things just couldn't get worse, Meredith wouldn’t stop going on about her hometown visit and how everything had gone  _ right _ . There were only six people left, avoiding her wouldn’t be that easy anymore.

“Oh, it was so perfect.” Meredith sighed after she had managed to herd them all into the sitting area. “My parents just  _ loved _ him. Not that I can blame them though.”

Jade stopped herself from rolling her eyes. God, she had forgotten about how annoying she found Meredith.

“Uh-huh yeah, that’s great.” Jade said vacantly, nodding impatiently before jumping out of her seat, “Is anyone talking to Beck right now?”

“Yeah, Pepper’s out there.” Alyssa said, “You weren’t here so she couldn’t tell you, but she didn’t seem to happy after her visit. She didn’t say it went badly, but she seemed really upset. Guess that’s why she decided to go talk to him before anyone else.”

Jade slumped back into the couch, she couldn’t just take away Pepper’s time, not when Pepper  _ actually _ wanted to be on the show. Pepper wasn’t the one who had lied.

It was all Jade’s own fault too. She should’ve just taken the blow to her reputation and dropped out before filming. Now everyone was in a situation they didn’t want to be in.

“You’ve been so jumpy since you guys got back from last night,” Alyssa pointed out, “are you okay? What happened?”   


“It doesn’t matter.” Jade rushed out. There was no way she was telling Alyssa what happened right now, not with Hayley and Meredith and all these people Jade didn’t trust sitting right there.

It had apparently been the wrong thing to say, as Hayley raised an eyebrow in intrigue from across the room. “Oh?” She said smirking, “Looks like someone’s visit didn’t go well.”

Jade saw Maya sigh exasperatedly out of the corner of her eyes. She wasn’t the only one.

Jade felt a piercing flare of anger rush straight to her head, unaware that she had stood up until she felt everyone’s stares on her. She sat back down almost immediately, an unfamiliar, almost invasive bolt of embarrassment shooting through her.

“I don’t need this from you right now.” She spat, exhaling loudly.

“I take it that you don’t care to share then? Damn, but no matter, I’ll find out anyway. There’s always room for a little drama.”

“ _ Never _ speak to me that way.” Jade warned, “This  _ really _ isn’t the week to mess with me.”

By this point she was playing with fire. But there was a thin chance that she wasn’t going home that night; what did she have to lose?

“Okay stop!” Meredith practically cried out, “This isn’t what this is all about.”

Jade narrowly stopped herself from rolling her eyes

“Oh my god, not  _ you _ !” Hayley groaned, “Stay out of it!”

Maybe for the only time in her life, Jade actually agreed with Hayley.

“It’s not worth it, just drop it, you guys.” Maya groaned

Jade ceded and settled for an eye roll, allowing her annoyance show itself through her expression.

Before things could get any worse, Pepper walked back into the room, sensing the tension almost immediately.

_ ‘What happened?’  _ Pepper mouthed, turning to Alyssa with confusion clouding her face.

Seeing the pointed look Alyssa gave in warning, Pepper quickly shut her mouth, faking nonchalance.

Rolling her eyes, Hayley stepped out of the room, “If anyone cares to find me, not that you will, I’ll be outside.”

“What the fuck happened in here? I was gone for like ten minutes.” Pepper gave them an incredulous look.

“We’re not talking about it.” Jade told her, exhausted at even the thought of relaying all the events of the past 36 hours. How would she even begin to explain it all? If Beck was upset, of course the people who actually wanted and deserved to be there would be too. 24 of them had been sent home already, and there she was, practically an impostor.

“Anyways, who cares about me?” Jade shifted in her seat, “What’s your deal? Did your hometown visit really go that bad?”

“It wasn’t  _ bad _ , I just don’t think it was  _ enough _ .” Pepper sighed, gesturing wildly with her hands.

“Enough?” Meredith interjected, furrowing her brow.

“I mean enough to keep me around.” Pepper replied, “I  _ know _ it wasn’t enough.”

If Pepper wasn’t ‘enough’, what did that make Jade? To be fair, Pepper had no idea. If they thought their hometown visits were bad, hers was worse, guaranteed.

“I’d argue that yours wasn’t the worst.” Jade countered.

“Yours was bad?” Maya asked with an almost shocked look.

“It was less than ideal.”

“Are you gonna try to fix it before tonight?” Alyssa asked.

Jade felt the focus of the room shift to her. She wasn’t uncomfortable with people watching her, she was an actor, she was used to it. But something about this made her feel too vulnerable. 

“I’m not sure.” Jade deflected, hoping that this was a fleeting conversation, “If I get the chance, maybe. But otherwise, whatever happens, happens.”

Pepper gave her an offended look, “Who are you? Since when do you give up without a fight?”   
  
“Sometimes I get tired of fighting.” Jade shrugged. 

There really was no way to work herself out of this situation. She was wrong. She had messed up and there were consequences because of that. It was that simple.

It was a sick joke from the Universe, really. She’d spent all that time trying to get eliminated, but the one time she thought that maybe, just maybe, that he might be worth a chance, it was getting all thrown out the window.

Typical.

It wasn’t like the Universe had ever been a friend of hers anyways. Why should this have been any different?

* * *

It was the last five minutes before the rose ceremony. It was finally there.

Somehow she’d found herself outside. Why she was even  _ considering _ this, she wasn’t sure. But there she was anyways. She was an idiot for doing it, but being impulsive was a blessing and a curse after all.

“Hey.” She forced out.

Beck looked surprised at her sudden appearance.

“I thought you were ignoring me.” He said. There was no ill intent behind his words, surprisingly. She had expected more hostility from him. Not that she’d blame him or anything, it had just caught her off guard that he wasn’t as mad as she’d thought.

“I was.” She admitted, “But I’m here anyways.”

“What changed your mind?” He wasn’t angry, but he was clearly unsure, of himself and her. The two of them had always been incredibly skilled at taking control of situations. Jade had always been able to capture people’s attention, to get them to listen. Beck had always been able to get everyone in the room to trust him, like he was Damage Control. But not this time. This time neither one of them were in control.

It was a freefall that ended with two different outcomes.

Not that she thought she was doing a surmountable good or anything. It was more like a shot in the dark than a definite ground plan.

“I don’t know. I just feel bad.”

“Well, you shouldn’t. The truth is more important than my feelings. I would have found out eventually.” He replied distantly, but it didn’t feel as comforting as it should have been.

“I don’t want you to think that I was trying to hurt you.” She sighed, unable to look him in the face again, “I know I’ve hurt a lot of people before, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. But this time I wasn’t trying to.”

“I appreciate that.”

“Beck, I meant what I said last night, you know? It really is grey. Normally things are black and white for me. I know what’s wrong and what’s right, what’s good and what’s bad. But now I’m confused. Things normally aren’t this gray for me.”

He nodded in acknowledgement, with the same distant look on his face he had the night before.

She was losing him, and fast.

Her heart dropped to her stomach. It was too late. Definitely too late to save herself.

“I’m going to go now. You don’t have to do anything, just had some thoughts I thought I’d share.” She blurted out, getting up before she made matters worse for herself, “I’ll see you at the ceremony in a few minutes.”

* * *

It was written on the wall in ten feet tall letters, the moment the words had left her mouth the night before. She knew it was coming, she had to know.

“Tonight there are five roses, meaning one of you will be sent home.” Andre explained, just as he always did before handing it all over to Beck, who now held her future in his hands. Not that there was any uncertainty in her mind.

She was an idiot if she thought she was staying. 

Then again, that was the goal, wasn’t it?

“Meredith. Will you accept this rose?”

Not that there was any surprise there.

Then came Alyssa’s rose, then Maya’s. Hayley got one too, because _of course_ she did.

Which left just Jade and Pepper. Jade wasn’t nervous, of course not. If anything, she was uncharacteristically calm, she’d accepted her fate hours ago. Now it was just a matter of waiting.

She kept her eyes fixed on a part of the wall above Beck’s shoulder and talked herself through everything. In the next week she’d get to be back in New York, she could finally look for new auditions and if she was lucky, her agent might have something lined up for her. Sixth out of thirty wasn’t bad in her opinion. Week seven out of ten wasn’t bad either. 

“Jade.” He called from in front of her.

The tiniest bit of hope that had managed to survive had set off alarms, the second she had heard her name. But there was  _ no way _ . Not after she’d made quite literally the worst mistakes. She blinked once, twice, thrice, frozen in shock. She looked over to Pepper who seemed unfazed. Surely Jade had misheard. She’d already come to terms with her fate and now it was being thrown off the rails.

Pepper nudged her lightly, breaking Jade out of her mind.

Jade walked forward feeling as if she wasn’t even in her own body.

“Will you accept this rose?”

Maybe it was selfish, to accept when it meant sending Pepper home, when the night before should have been basis enough to send herself home. But after all the shit she’d been through, maybe Jade deserved to be selfish for once.

“Yes.”

With one last look at Beck to make sure he’d actually meant it, that he hadn’t made a mistake, Jade took the rose. Fuck it. She would never have been able to turn it down, she didn’t have it in her.

Jade knew she should have felt guilty. She didn’t want Pepper to leave, but that wasn’t her choice, none of this was. 

“I’m so sorry.” Alyssa wrapped her arms around Pepper.

“You were one of the good ones.” Jade said, unsure how to feel.

“No, it’s okay, really.” Pepper assured, although she was still clearly disheartened. She then dropped her voice to a whisper and gave them a grave look, “Besides. I have something to tell you. Something you don’t know.”

* * *

Pepper ushered the two into her room, where her luggage sat on her bed, already packed. “Hurry up, guys. We can’t let the others know.”

Holy shit, what was happening? What did Pepper know that she didn’t? 

Jade felt her stomach drop. There was something wrong, she didn’t know what exactly, but whatever was about to go down wouldn’t end well.

“Well? What is it?” Jade hissed, the increasing sense of dread creeping up on her did nothing to placate the situation.

“You can’t say  _ a word _ to the others.” Pepper warned.

“We  _ won’t _ , but you have to tell us first.” Alyssa replied.

“Okay, okay.” Pepper sighed, “Two days ago, the producers called me into their office. It was like I walked into some weird cult meeting, there was just a huge congregation of execs in suits sitting around a table. I thought for sure I messed up or something and they were busting me, but then they asked me to be the next Bachelorette.”

“Pepper, that’s awesome!” Alyssa said, brightly.

“No, it’s not.” Pepper replied, “I know it sounds awesome, but think about it for a second. They asked me  _ two days ago _ .”

“Before the rose ceremony.” Jade cut in, her mind going blank.

“ _ Oh. _ ” Alyssa gasped, “Wait, so that means that-”

“Yeah, I knew they were meddling but it’s worse than I thought. Apparently they’ve predetermined  _ everything _ .” Pepper whispered disapprovingly, “Obviously, I said no. Of course I did, I had to. They didn’t even wait until tonight. At least then they could’ve pretended like they haven’t been involved in all of this.”

Jade’s eyes widened in realization. It finally hit her, how hadn’t she thought of it before?

That was it. That was the reason. 

That was why  _ she _ was still there and Pepper was getting sent home. The producers were playing some sick joke on all of them. Giving them hope about a potential  _ something _ when this entire time they knew exactly who they were going to keep. 

Was Beck in on it too? Did he have any hand in picking who was staying and who was going? But, surely if he was being consulted on this, she would’ve been the one packing, not Pepper.

She was an idiot. She thought he might’ve actually got it, that someone might have actually understood her. But no, he just knew what to say. He was an actor, she shouldn’t have expected anything.

God, the entire show was making her lose her mind. There was absolutely no reason for her to be exerting that much thought into it. But it was getting hard to tell exactly what about ‘reality TV’ was real, and what the producers had played god with.

That was it, there was no way she was standing for this any longer. She wasn’t a fucking pawn in some damn game that they could just move around whenever they felt like they wanted to. She had a fucking  _ life _ that she needed to get back to, and the more she stayed here, the more her ‘life’ was feeling less and less lifelike.

She got up silently, shoving open the bedroom doors and stormed downstairs to get answers the only way she knew how to.

Luckily for her, he’d just handed in his mic and was a good distance from the few producers still left, taking down the equipment. The cameras wouldn’t pick up a damn thing. And good, they better not. Not when they were the source of all current problems.

“Hey, what the fuck?” She spat out, briskly walking towards Beck.

He looked up, surprise apparent on his face before it quickly closed off, back to an unreadable expression.

Not that she’d ever doubted him, but at that moment she really wished he wasn’t that good of an actor.

“You can’t just go up to me and say ‘what the fuck?’ and expect me to know what’s going on.” He responded, quickly rising to her level and matching her tone. Apparently he had no time for her shit tonight. Too bad for him.

“ _ This _ . Why do  _ I _ have this?” She said sharply, flailing the rose around wildly in frustration, “I don’t get it. Why is this with me?”   
  
Because the producers wanted her there. She knew it was the answer. But she was angry and he was the closest to complicit.

And sure, the producers were to blame here but could he really sit there and act like he had no control over anything? He wasn’t the victim in this situation. How could he be? No matter how you framed it, he was to blame too, no matter how slight his faults were. Sure they might have made his final choice for him, but she had openly told him that she wasn’t meant to be there. He could have gone to the producers, told them that, and she’d be on the first plane out of there.

She couldn’t believe it. She’d played the long game in order to get kicked off without having to reveal a damn thing and here she still was. She had given him the truth. She had told him that she wasn’t even supposed to be there. And yet it wasn’t good enough for him. She was still here. She still had a damn rose that seemed to torment her even further.

“What do you mean, ‘why do you have that’? Do you hear yourself right now?” He scoffed in disbelief.

“You know  _ damn  _ well what happened last night. I  _ know  _ you didn’t forget what I told you. So? What’s up with that?  _ Why  _ do I have this?”

“That night,” he replied in clear irritation, his anger softening slightly, but not enough to diffuse the situation, “ _ you _ told me that things weren’t black and white for you.  _ You  _ said that things here were all grey. Yes?”   
  
“ _ Yes _ , I know what I said.” She sighed in exhaustion, “What the hell does that have to do with why I have this damn rose?”

“Because it’s gray for me too, Jade. You’re not the only one confused here. If you’ve figured it out for yourself in the past half hour, that's great, but it’s  _ all _ gray for me. ” He responded, turning on his heel and walking away before she could even speak again.

Maybe she wasn’t the only one feeling lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg what's this? an actual timely update?? to be fair, i've had the last part of this chapter pre-written for like. a month and a half... my school's shut down for a week bc of co-vid19 so it's gonna be super stressful. but dw, i'll still be working on this fic. 
> 
> also i saw ppl talking abt this fic on twitter which was p cool. tbh i didn't think this would reach that far, but that's so fucking awesome. glad to know ppl are liking this.
> 
> anyways! go follow me on tumblr borrowedthemoonlite.tumblr.com  
> also if you wanna, pls leave a comment, they mean so much to me and let me know if i'm doing a good job!


	11. Chapter 11

Jade hadn’t had much sleep the night before. And yet, she found herself waking up at three am to take a flight to Montreal. Apparently all the hometown visits weren’t enough travel and they had to keep on going. Jade hadn’t even done much travelling the week before, but she was absolutely drained after everything that had happened prior. What with her almost kissing Beck in Texas only for them to end up where they were now. The way things had changed in only a week was jarring.

They had arrived at the airport way too early in Jade’s opinion. Clearly she wasn’t alone in this, most of them, if not all, were sleeping in their seats at the gate. It was the perfect opportunity to catch up on the sleep she had missed the night prior, but once again, sleep was intentionally avoiding her.

“They’re letting us board,” Jade said, grabbing her bag and nudging Alyssa awake, not bothering to take a second look behind her.

“Damn, you’re in a bad mood today.” Alyssa followed her to the gate.

“You have no idea.” Jade still hadn’t told her anything about the week before, or the almost-kiss from two weeks ago. She just couldn’t bring herself to talk about them. She was sure that she’d have to film a confessional about it by the end of the week, but that was different. She could just say what they wanted her to say, act like they wanted her to act. But if she brought it up to anyone, it gave the situation too much gravity, because then it wasn’t just acting, she’d actually be acknowledging that it had happened.

And she couldn’t give the show that much power over her.

After finding the seat on her boarding pass, she dropped into her row. A middle seat, how great. Because that was _exactly_ what she needed right now.

Jade looked to the aisle, Alyssa had got caught up in the line. She sighed and rolled her eyes, waiting for the rest to catch up.

She quickly averted her eyes as she saw Beck making his way through the narrow aisle. _Not today,_ she thought, pushing everything aside.

He cleared his throat slightly, drawing her gaze back up. She stared up at him, frozen in uncertainty. What did he want?

After a moment of prolonged silence, he spoke up, “Uh, sorry, I just need to get to my seat.” He gestured to the window seat next to her.

Damn it.

Jade shifted slightly in her seat to make more room. If it was any consolation prize, Beck seemed to be avoiding her line of sight as much as she was avoiding his. Out of sight, out of mind.

“Hey! Sorry, I got caught up-” Alyssa came stumbling through the aisle, trailing off at the sight of Beck and Jade, confusion apparent on her face.

 _‘Switch seats with me.’_ Jade mouthed, turning to face Alyssa urgently

Alyssa glanced over at Beck who was trying desperately to keep his stare fixed out the window. _‘Why?’_ She mouthed back, furrowing her brow.

 _‘Just do it!’_ She retorted with a pleading look before grudgingly adding, _‘Please.’_

Alyssa shook her head slightly, taking her actual seat.

Jade sighed in frustration, feeling slightly betrayed.

“Sorry, I need the aisle seat. I got a tiny bladder and just drank like, half a liter of water.” Alyssa whispered, at least having the decency to look at least a little sympathetic.

“Fine, but you owe me one.” Jade hissed back, rolling her eyes.

Not that Jade was in a particularly chatty mood, but she would’ve liked to have the option rather than being stuck in the cross hairs that were the consequences to her own actions.

But Jade was nothing if not the master of deflection. It was all a matter of avoiding the obvious. She could get through this, she had gone through worse before.

She grabbed a random magazine from the pocket in front of her, flipping through the pages in a poor attempt to look preoccupied. 

Beck sharply sighed from beside her. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him finally turn to her.

“You don’t have to do that.” He said in a low voice, sounding slightly exhausted.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Jade muttered in response, keeping her eyes fixed firmly on the article she had no intention to read.

“You really expect me to believe you’re reading that? I know you don’t care about… _‘5 Quick and Easy Way to Spice Up Your Cheese Plates’_ , Jade.” He sighed deeply.

“You don’t know what I do in my free time, for all you know, I could actually _love_ cheese plates. You don’t know me.” She shrugged, keeping up the pretense. She knew she wasn’t helping her own case; he already thought she was a liar, she didn’t need to distance them further. But she was desperate to keep away from the actual matter at hand.

“What, so we’re just not going to talk ever again?” He asked, “Because if you ask me, that’s pretty counter-intuitive. Also, I don’t want that for us. Do you want that for us?”

Damn him. Damn him and the way he _always_ knew the right things to get in her head.

She closed the magazine in defeat and put it back in its original pocket, crossing her arms.

“We both know _damn_ well that I don’t have an answer for you, Beck.” She kept her eyes trained on a spot in front of her, refusing to break.

“I _know_ , Jade.” He said softly. She could see him nodding out of the corner of her eye. “And you don’t need to have one.”

Alyssa looked up from her magazine, brow mangled in confusion. Clearly the two of them were drawing attention to themselves. But if Alyssa wanted to ask about it, she made no move to, which Jade was thankful for.

“Can we- Can we not do this now?” Jade muttered softly in a feeble attempt to control her voice with a mask of nonchalance.

Despite the fact that the two of them had kept their voices down to the best of their abilities, they were still raising suspicions and drawing attention. Served her right for getting on a plane with a group full of nosy all desperate for fame.

“Of course.” He raised a tentative hand to her arm in comfort before the uncertainty settled in and he hastily withdrew. He had a withdrawn look on his face, god, she felt terrible. She knew it was her fault. She had done that to him. She was the reason things were the way they were.

Two hours. They had managed to avoid each other for two hours, thanks to the movie that had been playing. Sure, it was slightly impressive seeing as they were _two inches_ away from each other, but this was hour two out of five. They weren’t even _half way_ through with the flight.

Fuck it, someone had to give. Normally she would _never_ , she would never ‘reach out’ or whatever the hell people did to be the bigger person. But the positives of being the bigger person outweighed putting herself through torture for the next three hours.

“Hey. Can we talk sometime this week? For real this time, and not just going around in circles. I don’t think we should right this instant, I don’t think I’m ready for that just now, but we should.” She still kept her eyes averted, she just. She couldn’t look at him. 

“Okay, it’s a deal.” He said nodding, “And just for the record… I miss being on speaking terms with you.”

That settled it then. Jade felt a slight sense of triumph at this. It was barely significant, but it was _something_. Something to remedy the tense silence that had taken over seats 16K and 16L into a mutual, acknowledged peace.

* * *

“Come on, let’s go!” Alyssa said encouragingly, shaking Jade’s shoulder, “Andre’s dropping the envelopes off any moment now!”

“You really want to go? After that last rose ceremony? Sorry, but that wasn’t my ideal end of week.” Jade said dryly.

“Hey, I miss Pepper too, but this is the last week for group dates, after this we won’t get to do the whole envelope opening thing!”

“Is that a promise? ‘Cause _good_. I hate having to wake up this early for stupid envelopes.”

“You can either wake up now and go get your mic on and get prepped, or you can wake up in 15 minutes because the producers sent in a poor intern because of your stubbornness. Also, we’re in Montreal, this’ll be fun!” Alyssa sang.

“ _Fine,_ I’m getting up. But just so you know, I hate Canada.” Jade grumbled, forcing herself out of bed. 

There was absolutely nothing she wanted less than having to be at the envelope opening. Why was it even a big deal? Big whoop, they found out how the dates were being split up that week.

Besides, it wasn’t like she even wanted the week to start anyways. Jade was perfectly fine with pretending like the past two months hadn’t even happened.

“So, I heard what happened last week…” Her makeup artist for the week, Courtney, told her with an almost overly casual tone.

Jade froze, looking up sharply, despite the earlier instructions to stay still. “What do you know and who told you?” She demanded more than asked.

“It’s been going around the crew for days, hon,” Courtney shot her a sympathetic look. “If it makes you feel better, we don’t have any involvement in the decisions made. And I don’t think it’s made its way outside of the behind-camera area.”

Jade let out a groan. Fucking great. She knew that people would find out eventually. It was on camera, it was definitely going to make it into the episode. But she hadn’t expected the information to spread that quickly.

“Something tells me you don’t want to talk about it…” Courtney said, putting the finishing touches to her makeup before trailing off. “But if you _do_ want to, you know where to find me.”

Right then. Apparently everyone already fucking knew. But that wasn’t going to stop her from getting through the week.

She was slightly late that morning. By the time she’d joined the group, the envelopes had already been dropped off and they were waiting for her.

“Nice of you to show up,” Hayley rolled her eyes, to which Jade responded with an equally venomous look.

“Now we can start!” Meredith said, passing the envelopes to Alyssa, who was standing at the front of the room.

“Okay, these are our last envelopes _ever_ , good luck to you all! Now, let’s see what we have here!” Alyssa said, almost triumphantly, brandishing the two envelopes.

She tore open the first one, eyes widening almost immediately. “ _Oh._ Guys, we finally got a two on one date.”

Jade wasn’t surprised, she vaguely remembered Pepper telling her about those and how every season had to have at least one. Clearly, despite all the shit that had happened, some things were still consistent.

“Hayley and Jade, you’ll be going on the two on one this week, which means that Maya, Meredith, and I are on the group date!” Alyssa announced.

Oh god. It took everything to stop Jade from making a face. Jade glanced over, Hayley had a smug look on her face, the kind that was overly-confident. The kind that Jade would gladly punch off Hayley’s face. Not that Jade would, but she knew she _could_ if she wanted to.

But of course, of _course_ she was stuck with Hayley, the most annoying person Jade had ever met, well, besides Meredith maybe, and Beck, who probably had a slight vendetta against Jade.

Last week had been terrible, so of course, why wouldn’t this one?

* * *

“So how are you feeling about your date later today?” They prompted her from behind the camera.

“It’s not ideal but I guess we’ll have to see.” She retorted challengingly. It had been a while since she’d had to film a confessional but she remembered what to do: never give them anything to use against her. 

That was the one rule she’d set for herself. If she was closed off from quite literally everyone else around her, she was closed off even further when it came to confessionals.

“How confident are you in yourself? Do you think it’ll be the end of the line for you or are you hoping to get a rose? Are you scared at all?”

 _Oh god, not this_ , she almost rolled her eyes, but even that could be used against her if they tried hard enough. _‘Was she scared?’_ Technically, yes. Not because of Beck, but because of Hayley. For all she knew, Beck was a lost cause. But Hayley had _always_ tried to pick a fight with her and Jade had no idea what Hayley would end up doing.

So instead, she settled for, “Whether I get a rose or not isn’t in my control. But I’m ready to take on whatever happens.”

* * *

Shortly after, Jade found herself in a car, being driven to an unknown location. Unknown locations were usually never a good sign, and that held true for this as well, but for completely different reasons.

The real torture here was having to sit next to Hayley, who had crossed her arms and stared out the window, desperately trying to avoid contact with Jade, the moment the car doors had closed. 

Despite Jade’s earlier decision that she would take on whatever came her way, she found herself caring way more than someone who ‘didn’t care’ should have. Hayley was _clearly_ a favorite, and Jade just knew Hayley was going to pick a fight with her later on. Then Jade would fight back, of course she would, it was in her very nature. But given the past few weeks, it wouldn’t reflect well on her.

All the odds were stacked against her. Beck already thought she was a liar, and yes, she technically _had_ been lying, but on top of that she was now being forced into a two-on-one date with Hayley. Fucking great. She was spending the day with someone mad at her and someone who seemed to be dead set on ripping her apart.

The drive was miserable at best. They sat in complete silence, with nothing but the sound of the road echoing through the car. The worst part was that she couldn’t even use her phone. Phones had been confiscated the moment they’d started filming, she had absolutely no connection to the outside world. She couldn’t even update Cat and Tori about what had happened, they’d have to find out as episodes aired.

Despite the fact that the drive had felt like eternity, it did eventually come to an end. Not that that was much better, though.

The moment they’d gotten out of the car, Hayley had rushed to greet Beck.

“Hey stranger, long time no see!” Hayley practically ran, quickly embracing him.

Jade hung back, standing awkwardly to the side, unsure of what she should do.

“Hey, West.” Beck gave her a wave, turning to face her.

“Yeah, hey.” Jade replied, giving a two finger salute. So he _was_ talking to her then. 

Hayley had an upset look on her face, as if it was Jade’s fault that Beck had spoken to her. _Fucking newsflash, you’re not the only person here,_ Jade thought, internally rolling her eyes.

“What’s the plan for today, then?” Jade knew she was pissing off Hayley. She had no idea how today was going to go, but if _anything_ , she was bringing Hayley down with her. Fuck it, everything else was going to shit, so why not put Hayley in her place too?

“Glad you asked, Jade,” Beck shot her a grin for the first time in what felt like weeks. And maybe, but only _just_ maybe, she had missed it. But only maybe. “I grew up around here, which technically makes this my hometown visit minus all the family stuff. So today, we’re hitting a bunch of my favorite spots.”

It was a whole lot of words to give barely any information, in Jade’s opinion, but to each their own. Jade opened her mouth to speak, but before she could even decide what to say, Hayley had jumped in.

Jade, however, hadn’t registered whatever it was. Tuning Hayley out was really the only option here. There would be no conflict if there was nothing to incite said conflict.

* * *

“ _This_ is one of your favorite places to go?” Jade smirked, peering down at Beck.

“Uh, yeah. What, you’re not into it?” Beck asked from his seat on the floor.

“Not particularly, no.” She shrugged.   
  
He’d taken them to some animal shelter, apparently he had always wanted a dog but wasn’t allowed to have one in his apartment.

“Huh. So you come all the way here to look at dogs? You know we have those in California too right?” She deadpanned, unable to help herself from taking the slightest chance to make fun of him.

“... Yes I’m aware.” He replied, giving her an amused look.

“Just making sure you knew.” She trailed off, breaking eye contact.

Jade looked back over, Hayley had joined Beck on the floor and they actually seemed to be having a pleasant conversation. Jade hadn’t been aware that anyone could have a pleasant conversation with Hayley, but she’d recently realized that Beck got along with mostly everyone.

Third-wheeling was a bitch, Jade decided shortly after. Not that she’d had much experience with it, but the one hour she’d had so far wasn’t looking very promising. If she wanted to sit there and watch Hayley and Beck talk to each other, she could just as easily watch the show from home. Not that she would ever watch The Bachelor, but still.

Suddenly feeling wildly out of place, Jade decided to go off on her own, if she had to be there she should at least be mildly entertained.

Besides, bunnies were cooler than people and most, if not all, dogs. They wouldn’t notice she had left, and if they did, they probably wouldn’t mind. And thus began her solo journey through a Canadian pet adoption agency to find what could possibly be the only thing that went right for her.

“Jade what are you doing?” The guy behind the camera asked her.

“Gonna go find some bunnies.” She replied simply, “I think they’re cool.”

She eventually found them, having to ask only one employee for help, and it was maybe the closest thing she’d had to personal space and alone time since she’d arrived. Well, save for the cameras watching her every move. But at least there were no Hayleys or Merediths to bother her.

But this week was her least favorite, she quickly decided. There was a fucking catch to two-on-one dates. The rose came during the date rather than after. But once the rose was given, the one who didn’t get it was automatically out. As in, the date continued without them. It was twisted in Jade’s opinion. Twisted was normally a positive for Jade, but not when she wasn’t in charge. This time it was just unfair. Besides, it wasn’t even fair, Hayley was going to get it anyways. Jade hadn’t even had the chance to talk to him like they’d agreed on.

How the hell was she supposed to sort her shit out when she barely had the time to think for herself?

She looked back down at the bunny sitting in her lap. _You’re probably having a better time than me right now_ , she thought, staring at it pensively, _nobody’s playing mind games on you._

“Why’d you sneak off?” The camera boy asked her, probably breaking the rules of interaction, but she didn’t really care.

“I dunno.” She shrugged lazily, “But they’ll be fine, they’re having a conversation.”

“What if he wants to talk to you though?”

“He can come find me if he wants to. But I don’t play third wheel.” She retorted.

What was a simple conversation with the camera guy quickly turned into a makeshift confessional, making up for all the confessionals she’d missed. She managed to keep herself composed and to remain as ‘civil’ as physically possible for her, which wasn’t really a lot, but it was the thought that counted.

“The best date? What are you kidding me? The best date was paintball hands down.” She said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Better than the coffee shop one? And the painting one?” They ask her.

Huh. She had almost forgotten about those ones. The one where they’d ended the night clutching their sides from laughing too much. The one where he’d bought a candle for her, the one still sitting in her suitcase.

“Well I got to shoot people in paintball so that’s a plus, but those ones weren’t terrible either.” She admitted.

“What about Texas?”

They were lobbying for information, she knew it. But it was kinda working. She froze slightly, remembering that day and the stupid almost-kiss.

“It was… Interesting.” She replied shortly and deliberately. She knew what they wanted, but she wasn’t going to give it to them.

“And your hometown visit? How do you feel about that?”

She felt her stomach drop at the reminder of it. It had only been the week before, but it felt like ages ago.

“I’d rather not talk about it.” She replied, the finality in her voice telling them not to push it further.

And they didn’t. Instead they moved onto a different topic.

“Would you say you’re feuding with Hayley?”

She raised a brow in surprise, “Why would you think that?”

“You’ve had multiple confrontations with her in the past month.”

“I’m not feuding with her. But sometimes, people need to be put in their place.” It was risky saying it on camera, but hey, she had nothing better to do. Maybe she could afford to say things she couldn’t take back.

She was feeding into the drama, blah, blah, blah, whatever, she knew she was, but it wasn’t like she was _lying_ , it was all true. Somebody had to say it, and if that person should be her, then so be it.

“But you’ve had ‘issues’ with people other than Hayley, haven’t you?”

A certain overly perky brunette popped into her head almost immediately. Ugh. Disgusting.

“That’s not a feud. I just don’t deal well with plastic. It looks all nice and perfect until you put it under actual heat. Then it can’t handle it and it starts to smoke.”

“Do you care to elaborate?” They wanted names. They wanted her to say _exactly_ what she meant. But that could get her into actual trouble, and as much as she lived for the drama, this was probably not the time to get into it.

“Not particularly, no.” She settled, giving the camera a challenging look. She’d give them just enough to use, but even she had limits.

They moved to ask her another question but a sound from the nearby aisle interrupted before they had the chance.

Jade froze at the noise, who the hell was coming in now?

“I was wondering where you went.” Beck said, appearing in the room, his face lighting up.

“I’ve just been here.” She replied plainly.

“With the bunnies?” He raised a brow almost skeptically.

“Yeah with the bunnies. They’re cool.” She said defensively.

He nodded once before shifting the conversation, “I was looking for you.”

Her first instinct was to ask why, but instead she settled for, “Well now you’ve found me.”

“That I have.” He glanced around at all the cameras, looking slightly unsettled. They had been followed by cameras the entire time, she wasn’t sure why this time it was any different.

“Did you want to find me just to confirm I was alive, or..?” She asked, trying to move things along.

“No, I just-” he seemed to be at a loss for words, trailing off, “I mean, I was hoping to see you for more than five minutes today.”

She remained frozen for a moment, still caught off guard by his sudden reappearance, before reminding herself to _get up already_ in a manner far too erratic to be considered natural. She was unsure whether or not to apologize. Nothing signaled that she _should_ but she still felt slight guilt.

“Right, sorry. I kinda wandered off early on.” She breathed out.

“Yeah I noticed.” He laughed lightly, “But that doesn’t matter. What’ve you been up to?”

He made his way through the room, joining her by the bunny pen.

“Right, so bunnies?” He asked, raising a brow at her.

“Yes, _bunnies_ ,” She replied, almost mockingly, “They’re so much cooler than any animal you could ever think of.”

“Better than dogs?” He questioned challengingly.

“ _Yes_.” She stressed, “Absolutely. It’s not even a debate.”

He gave her a look of disbelief, “Look, nothing against bunnies, but really?”

“Oh, I see.” Jade smirked, “You’re too simple minded to see the truth.”

Beck laughed shortly, “Okay, if you say so.”  
  
“Yeah I say so, ‘cause I’m right.” She snorted.

“And I won’t argue with you.” He promised, “But I _will_ say, to each their own.”

“It’s not even remotely close, but I’m not getting into it with you right now.” She sang, “There’s a reason I left for bunnies.”

“Yeah, why did you leave?” He asked, taking the chance as soon as it was made available, “I looked up and you were just _gone_.”

She blanched slightly at this, scrambling for something to say, “Didn’t want to interrupt you.” She said simply. It was better than ‘I got bored’ or ‘I can’t stand being in the same room as Hayley.’

“Well I wish you had. I like it better when you’re there.”

Her eyes dashed upwards as she tried to gauge his expression. She couldn't really tell if he was kidding or not.

“Oh.” She said slightly breathlessly, “Thank you?”

“No problem, Jade.” He replied, sounding almost amused.

* * *

It couldn’t have been more than a half hour before Beck said he’d made his decision. And there’s no way they’ve talked enough for it to be her’s. This was further confirmed by the smirking, overly-confident look Hayley wore. Once again, Jade would have given anything to punch the look off of her face just once.

He began with the usual _‘this isn’t an easy decision for me to make’_ spiel that started literally every rose ceremony.

“As much as I’ve enjoyed both of your company, I can only give this to one of you.”

He shot an almost nervous glance her way and she knew that was it. It was over.

Jade leaned back concedingly. Not in defeat, no, never defeat, but there was nothing wrong with accepting that her time was up.

With another almost nervous glance over to her, he turned to face her, “Jade. Will you accept this rose?” And she’s sure her eyes almost fell out of their sockets.

“ _Yeah_ ,” She blurted almost comically and he gave her another amused look.

Hayley blinked in shock, clearly taken aback as Beck turned to say his goodbyes.

“I’m so sorry,” He said, “It was amazing getting to know you, but I don’t know if I can see us developing any more than where we are now.”

Hayley nodded silently, “I understand.” She replied. For once, she sounded small, almost human. As if behind the front she put up, there was a genuine person with genuine feelings who might have actually been there for love. Jade felt a slight twinge of guilt drop into her stomach.

Hayley got up, embraced Beck and said her goodbyes one last time.

That was it. She was just _gone_.

Jade sat in stunned silence once Hayley had left, unable to process what had just happened. There should have been no universe in which _she_ had managed to get this far, but Hayley didn’t. Beck turned back around, looking at her, gauging her reaction.

“You’re giving me this? Really?” She asked, breaking her silence, “I mean. Are you _sure_? Because Hayley probably hasn’t gone that far yet and if you want to change your mind now would probably be the time to do that.”

“Jade, I know you don’t have faith in me, but you could at least pretend to.” He said sarcastically, “You know, I _am_ perfectly capable of making my own decisions.”

She looked up at him abruptly. The mock-offence on his face dropped quickly, replacing itself with an easy grin that she’d come to associate with him, “I didn’t think this was going to happen, what with how we ended last week and I know you that you _really_ liked Hayley.”

“Well, I promised you that we’d get the chance to talk, and we haven’t yet. I can’t just break a promise like that, so here we are. Also, who’s to say that I don’t ‘ _really_ like’ you too?” He had a small smile on his face, the kind that was only slightly smug, as if he was proud of himself for coming up with his own reasoning.

“You don’t mean that.” She scoffed.

“Yeah? And how do you know?” He asked, raising a brow.

“Because I’m me, and you’re you.”

He let out a short laugh before locking eyes with her. He quickly leaned in, grabbing her waist, and kissed her. Without thinking, she kissed him back, maybe it was the shock of getting the rose but it felt like the right thing to do and the right time to do it. It was gentle in an almost soft kind of way. His arms shifted from behind her, one ending up in her hair, the other still wrapped around her waist.

And almost as quickly as it had started, it was over and left her feeling slightly light headed and dazed.

“Just in case you needed any more proof.” He said softly, giving her hand a squeeze.

She gave in to the smile she had been fighting against and smirked slightly, biting her cheek.

“So where does this leave us?” She asked tentatively.

“Wherever we want it to.” He replied as if it were the simplest thing in the world. And for once she actually believed that it could be.

* * *

“So. You actually sent Hayley home.” Maya gave her an impressed look later that week at the rose ceremony.

“You make it sound like it was a premeditated attack.” Alyssa threw her head back in laughter.

“Who’s to say it wasn’t?” Jade smirked.

“It’s so weird without her here.” Meredith chimed in.

“Yeah, we didn’t even know she was leaving until we saw the crew taking her luggage outside.” Alyssa turned to Jade, “We were just chilling here and _bam_ , the interns are wheeling her bags outta here. They didn’t have to tell us, but we knew she was leaving.”

“I thought it was going to be Jade.” Meredith admitted before adding, “No offense, Jade.”

Jade shot her an irritated look but decided not to stir up any more drama. Nevermind that Jade herself had thought exactly the same thing. This was possibly the easiest night for her, she already had a rose, there was nothing for her to worry about.

“Yeah, but what about you guys? You feeling confident about this week?” Jade shifted topics to avoid having to respond to Meredith.

“It could go any way.” Alyssa replied, “I have no idea how this is ending up.”

Tensions were high that night. After this, only the final three were left. Next week was ‘high stakes’ in the eyes of the Bachelor Universe, and as much as she hated to admit it, Jade was starting to feel nervous too.

Andre entered the room, giving a look around before turning his attention back to them, “Beck’s ready to make his decision.”

Alyssa, Maya, and Meredith quickly exchanged nervous looks, knowing that it was the end for one of them. And as annoying as she thought Meredith was, Jade found herself feeling sympathy for the three.

As expected, Meredith had received the first rose, a fact that was completely unsurprising to Jade. She could hear Alyssa holding her breath from beside her. Jade wasn’t sure what she’d do if Alyssa was sent home. She couldn’t handle being left alone with _Meredith_ for an entire week, regardless of if it were for love.

Luckily she didn’t have to think about it for too long because the next words out of Beck’s mouth were, “Alyssa, will you accept this rose?”

Alyssa let out a sigh of relief before accepting, turning to look back at Jade.

Andre re-entered the room, “This means tonight we’ll be saying goodbye to Maya. Congratulations to Jade, Meredith, and Alyssa for making it to the final three.”

Jade exchanged quick goodbyes with Maya, before it was time for her to actually pack her bags. Alyssa came up to her after they watched Maya leaving in the car.

“So. Final three.” Alyssa said, poorly suppressing a smile.

“Final three.” Jade echoed.

“I didn’t think I’d make it this far.” Alyssa responded with a dreamy look on her face.

“Yeah, you’re telling me.” Jade laughed.

“But you know what this means.” Alyssa gasped, “We made it, we’re going to Hawaii!”

“Yeah. I guess we are.” Jade replied, a small smile breaking out on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god this chapter is so long overdue, i know i know. but this was absolute HELL to write, i changed their date like fifteen times. it's been so hard w the switch to online schooling and ughghghgh it was just A Lot to deal w. so sorry that this is late, hope u enjoyed it anyways! pls leave a comment to lmk im doing a good job, it helps me a lot! <3


	12. Chapter 12

“Alright, Jade. Tell us how you’re feeling about this week. What are you looking forward to and what are you expecting?”

Jade inhaled deeply, taking her seat in front of her camera, “Not too sure what I’m expecting but it’s Hawaii. I’m sure there’ll be something.” She took on an air of nonchalance for what was possibly her last confessional.

“Are you excited? Scared?” Robbie prompted her once again after her minimal response.

“You forgot, I don’t get scared.” Jade reminded.

“And do you think you’re going to get a fantasy suite invitation?”

The Fantasy Suite. Where to begin with the fantasy suite? After the date, there was the Fantasy Suite. If it went well or rather, if Beck felt like being generous, they would be invited to the Fantasy Suite. It was meant to be used for fucking, but apparently it had warped into extra time to talk.

“Whether it happens or not is completely out of my control.” She replied shortly. It wasn’t like there would be that much for them to do anyways. Compared to both Alyssa and Meredith, Jade knew she was falling behind in more ways than not. Jade had barely recovered from her god awful hometown visit, and even then, they hadn’t actually  _ talked about it _ , meaning that it wasn’t behind them yet, no matter how much she wished it was.

After she was dismissed, Jade found herself not knowing what to do. There were no more group dates which meant no envelope openings, as much as she hated them, they were  _ something _ to do, and Alyssa was on her date with Beck meaning that she was left alone with just Meredith, and that wasn’t really something she was looking forward to. She was sure she’d find something, but that didn’t change the fact that the lack of people could only lead to a lonely week. Not that she was complaining, she could use some peace and quiet. But after almost nine of the most dramatic and exhausting weeks of her life, it would be a hard adjustment. It would be weird not feeling on edge 24/7. That wasn’t normally a thing people complained about, but she had never taken kindly to change of any kind.

“Hi, Jade!” She heard from down the hall, internally groaning at the sudden appearance of Meredith.

“Yeah. Hey.” Jade greeted dryly.

“You excited for your date?” Meredith asked, apparently insistent on carrying on the conversation.

“Sure.” Jade replied half-heartedly, desperate to avoid any further conversation.

“Oh come on, it’s Fantasy Suite Week, you’re not looking forward to that?”

Jade had never wanted to gauge her eyes out more in her life, although that would probably make for not the best content.

“You sound like a producer.” She said, not bothering to mask the disregard from her voice.

“Yeah, but you have to admit, it’s exciting. Do you think you’re gonna…  _ You know… _ ”

Jade’s head jerked suddenly, looking at Meredith in incredulity. What were they, 12? “Excuse me?”

“Okay fine, if you’re going to make me say it- Do you think you’re going to sleep with him?”

“No, I got that the first time, but.  _ Why would you ask me that? _ ” She asked, glaring daggers. She hadn’t even considered it yet, but even if she had, she sure as hell wouldn’t tell fucking  _ Meredith _ .

“Alright, sorry. Just asking!” Meredith apologized, holding up her hands in defense.

Jade stormed off before Meredith could ask any more out of line questions. The week had barely even started, and it was the longest week of her life.

* * *

Four days later, it was time for her actual date. After four whole days of dodging Meredith and doing her best to keep herself occupied, she finally had something to do.

“Hey.” Jade greeted.

“Hey,” Beck replied, shooting her a smile.

“What’s the plan for today?” She asked, looking around. They met at the edge of a trail and Jade wasn’t too sure what that entailed.

“Right. Last week we agreed that we needed to talk.” He started.

Jade nodded and let out an involuntary sigh, although she was unsure what for specifically.

“I figured that this was our best bet for that because we don’t really have that much time left. So today we’re taking a short hike up this trail and at the end we’re going cliff diving which seems like something you’d be into.”

“Nice. I love a good possibility of near death.” She said, starting up the track and not looking back.

“Yeah, I noticed.” He laughed lightly, quickly making his way up to where she already was, “You know, you have got to be one of the weirdest people I’ve ever met.”

“In a good way or a bad way?” She asked, raising a brow and turning to face him, “Either’s good with me but I’d like to know for good measure.”

“The good way,” he replied simply, “you’re not scared of anything, I think that’s pretty great.”

She wasn’t sure how to respond to that, suddenly feeling like she was out of her own skin, so instead she settled for, “Thanks. You’re not too bad yourself.”

“Yeah? Well, you’re welcome.” He replied in the amused tone she had gotten used to hearing from him.

It wasn’t until a few minutes later, that she realized they had been almost completely silent. And for a moment, she was almost okay with it. Why ruin something that wasn’t all that bad? Until she remembered a conversation she’d had with Cat and Tori before she left for California.

_ “It won’t be too bad. And it doesn’t have to be a huge thing, it won’t even mean anything by the time you come back!” _

At the time, it was almost comforting. But now it only stood to remind her of where she started and the mess she had worked herself into. Past Jade, who had spent hours and hours coming up with a plan to get herself off the show, would have been disappointed seeing where she’d ended up, but maybe it was time for change to be a good thing. Cat and Tori had been right, it didn’t have to be a big deal.

But Jade  _ wanted _ it to mean something.

She had spent so long trying to stop herself from caring too much. But after  _ nine weeks _ it had better mean something. No, it  _ needed _ to mean something. 

Jade had never been one for wasting her time and she sure as hell wasn’t going to start now. Stopping in her tracks, she turned sharply to face him, “Let’s do this. Let’s talk.”

He was taken aback, surprised almost, but relief flooded his face anyway, “I thought we’d never get there. Let’s do it.”

Opening up had never been her strong suit, but sometimes you had to fake it until you made it.. Gathering up whatever strength she could muster, she decided that now was the time more than ever.

“So, you know the truth.” She avoided his eyes, unsure of where to start, “About how I got here, I mean.”

He nodded, “Yeah. That I do.”

“And yet you still decided to give me a rose. And then another rose after that.” She remembered the accusatory look in his eyes from the end of her hometown visit and how she never wanted a repeat of that, “And I have no idea why you did.”

“You told me that things weren’t black and white for you, and they aren’t for me either.” He said, choosing his words carefully, “I couldn’t just let you go then, it wouldn’t have felt right.”

He made it sound so much easier than it really was. Sure, part of their job was controlling their emotions, letting people see only what they wanted them to see, but it made it hard to tell what was real and what wasn’t.

“But what I don’t get is  _ why _ , Beck. Why would you when there were actual people who were  _ perfectly clear _ about their intentions? I mean, Pepper, Hayley, all of them. If I were you, I’d be so fucking pissed off that I eliminated genuine people in place of someone so unsure.” She faltered slightly, realizing how terrible she sounded from a neutral perspective.

He listened carefully, furrowing his brow as he tried to compose his thoughts.

“I mean,” Jade huffed sharply in frustration, unable to word what she wanted to say, “why would you want me here?”

“How could I not?” He asked, looking at her as if he couldn’t believe what she was saying, “Jade, you are  _ easily  _ one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met. And I know, you keep telling me that I don’t know you, and sure. Maybe that’s true. But I  _ want  _ to know you.”

She felt like all the weight had been lifted off of her, as if she was watching through someone else’s eyes. But she wasn’t. She was there, his words were for her.

“But I  _ lied _ to you, Beck.” She kept backtracking, she knew it. But she couldn’t get over the fact that he still wanted her there despite that. “I don’t know how you get over something like that.”

She watched intensely as he processed her words, what was probably not even fifteen seconds felt like an hour. They hadn’t even made it up that far, but she felt as if the air had never been thinner.

“I’m not.” He said shortly, “But I’m willing to work past it. Sometimes you need to put in work for the things that end up being the most worth it.”

Jade let out a breath she hadn’t even realized she was holding and the tension in her chest disappears, “I just don’t know where that leaves us. I don’t know how long  _ this _ has been going on for or when it even became  _ real _ . I’m lost, Beck. And I’m  _ never  _ lost.”

“I know, I know. I’m lost too.” He sighed, his expression matching hers. She hadn’t even considered that. That he didn’t know when it had been real either. They were both taking a shot in the dark. However, the problem was that neither of them were brave enough to step up to the plate.

“Beck, I really can’t promise you anything.” She let out, “Stuff like this doesn’t come easily to me and I have a hard time taking big steps like this. Half of the time I don’t think I’d even realize if I ever got what I wanted, what I  _ need _ .”

“That’s okay, you don’t have to do any of that. I don’t need a promise if you’re not ready to make one. This whole thing can be… A lot.” He assured, looking right into her eyes, “But if you can, we can take this ten minutes at a time. If you let me in for just ten minutes, then maybe we can work through this.”

“And what happens when those ten minutes are up?” She replied, knowing all too well how things always played out, the way people left almost a little too easily.

“Then I’ll ask you for another ten minutes. And if they go well, I’ll ask you for another ten, and if  _ those _ go well too, I’ll ask again. And I’ll keep going as long as our ten minutes are good.”

She turned it over in her mind, something about the way he had an almost blind faith made her believe that maybe it really was possible.   


“And if you get tired of asking? If you decide that you don’t want ten minutes anymore?” 

“Jade, I’ll keep asking for as long as you let me. And I’ll stay for as long as you want me to.”

_ As long as she wanted him to _ . It was in her hands. Nothing here had been in her control, she knew that much. But maybe this could be.

“I don’t think it’s that easy.” She said, and for a moment he looked disappointed, “But I think we owe it to ourselves to try.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He wrapped his arms around her and she leaned up to meet him halfway. They held still for a moment, neither of them willing to break what they had.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a really long time.” He whispered breathlessly once they finally did.

“You did last week.” She recalled, smirking up at him.

“Yeah, but this time I know it’s real.”

It was far from a perfect plan, and they were far from resolving their issues, but it was  _ something _ . Something that they had decided together. For once they might have actually been on the same page.

So when he asked, “Jade, will you accept this invitation to the fantasy suite?” hours later, she knew that it was something real. Something solid.

“Yes. Of course, yes.” She let out breathlessly, “Could you  _ imagine _ if I said no right now?”

* * *

“I’m not having sex with you tonight, Beck.” She said that night, making sure that he was completely and fully aware.

“Oh, I wasn’t assuming- I mean, I wasn’t expecting anything.” He assured, looking slightly panicked.

“Just making sure we’re on the same page.” She cut him off, ending her faux-reprimanding before his mini-crisis could go any further.

Making her way across the room, she climbed onto the bed before her nerves could get the better of her and freak her out. Sleeping in the same bed with a guy you were meant to be ‘starting over’ with wasn’t exactly the most normal thing. He smiled up at her and it made her feel far too exposed in her opinion, but maybe nerves were good sometimes. Besides, there weren’t any cameras that night, if there was ever a time to mess up, it was now.

Today had been the longest day of her life while simultaneously being the fastest. Somehow, they had managed to speed through everything that should have happened in the past nine weeks and get it done in less than 24 hours.

He leaned in towards her, dangerously close in her opinion. Too much like the time in Texas. Too familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.

“You wanna know something?” He whispered, breathlessly.

“What?” She asked softly, staring into his eyes.

“I know we agreed that we were starting over but after all these weeks… I think I could maybe fall in love with you.”

Her heart skipped a beat, despite herself and every callous she’d built up in the past few weeks. And damn it, she couldn’t help the stupid grin that broke out on her face, or the way her entire being lit up and felt like it had caught fire, despite only being given an ember of hope.

“I think that I could maybe fall in love with you too.” She echoed almost hesitantly, but honestly nonetheless, her heart soaring as a smile broke out on his face. It was maybe the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.

He leaned in and closed the distance between them. She ran a hand up his jaw, reveling in the warm press of him against her. 

He lingered slightly before breaking away from her. And damn it, if the look on his face wasn’t enough to make the world go ‘round.

That was when she knew there was something there.

That was when she knew it was real for her.

* * *

She woke up the next morning, with a content feeling settled throughout her.

Soon, he stirred next to her, opening his eyes groggily and flashing a soft smile at her. “Good morning,” he said sleepily, raising a hand to cup her cheek.

“Morning.” She responded through an easy smile, allowing herself to lean into his touch. 

“You look really pretty in the morning,” He pulled her towards him and kissed her lightly, his other hand clutching at her waist.

She rolled her eyes, smirking and burying her face in his chest, desperately trying to ignore the burning sensation that had begun creeping its way up her neck. 

She had never been one to  _ blush _ , that just wasn’t her.

But sometimes shit happened. Sometimes the impossible turned into reality. And god, could she get used to this.

“Are you okay?” He asked, sounding like he was on the verge of laughing.

“Don’t laugh at me.” She mumbled, shoving his arm lightly.

“I’m not, I’m not!” He said in between laughs.

“You quite literally are.” She tried her best to glare at him, finally looking up at him.

“Not  _ at _ you though. No, never  _ at _ you.” He smoothed his hand over her arm, pecking her on the cheek.

“I’m almost  _ sure _ that you’re lying, but good.” She raised a brow, “It better stay that way.”

“I promise I won’t laugh at you.”

“Yeah, sure you won’t.” She rolled her eyes, stretching her arms out.

He faltered for a moment, a bittersweet look on his face, “How much time before you have to go?”

Jade had almost forgotten about that. Sighing, she craned her neck to check the clock. “Well, we woke up late. I’ve got like a half hour, so I better start getting ready.”

He pouted slightly, “If you  _ have _ to.” He said, disappointedly.

She leaned down, meeting his lips before finally getting up, “You know I have to. But it doesn’t matter, I’ll literally see you in a few hours.” She smirked.

“Yeah but this and a rose ceremony aren’t the same.” He groaned.

“Hey it was your idea to join the show.” She called from the bathroom, “You gotta play the game you signed up for, man.”

“I know, but it’s been so long, I’m kinda tired of playing.” He called back.

“Well, you only have one more week.” She replied, smile faltering slightly at the uncertainty of the near future.

And then it was time for her to make her way back.

“Are you sure you have to go?” He asked, the two of them at the door, not wanting to open it.

“Beck, I was supposed to leave fifteen minutes ago, we’re pushing it already.” She reprimanded, “You keep distracting me, that’s not fair.”

“Yeah but what if you just don’t?” He replied, choosing to ignore his responsibility in her distraction, “It’s not like they can do anything.” 

“You know, I’m pretty sure they can…” She considered, “ _ You _ might not care but  _ I’m _ the one who gets in trouble if I don’t.”

“Fine, I get it, you’re tired of me already,” He sighed in mock-offense.

“You’re not funny,” Her deadpan cancelled out by her inability to hold back a laugh. She moved to grab the doorknob, stopping just before she actually opened it and took one more look back, “Bye, Beck.”

“I’ll see you later, Jade.”

After her departure, the day had sped by and the next thing she knew, it was time for the rose ceremony.

“Well? How did fantasy suite treat you?” Alyssa asked, smirking at Jade.

“Oh my god, shut up.” Jade groaned at seeing Alyssa’s face, “Besides. You didn’t even tell me how yours went.”   
  
“That’s not the question though,” Alyssa kept her ground, “You first.”

“No.” Jade said defensively. It wasn’t that she was embarrassed, it was that she  _ knew _ she was behind. ‘We started over’ wasn’t a story to brag about. She was behind, but they didn’t have to know that.

“Fine, be like that.” Alyssa sighed and turned to face Meredith, who Jade had almost forgotten about, “Meredith, how’d your date go?”

For once Meredith actually seemed to be at a loss for words, she simply nodded and said, “It was perfect.”

Although Jade could have guessed that Meredith would say that, as that seemed to be how Meredith started off everything she said about dates.

“But you’ve had most of the one-on-one dates right? Like, this week probably wasn’t too different for you.” Jade prompted, suddenly taking an interest.

“I guess not,” Meredith shrugged, “But it was nice having some extra time.”

It was a valid argument, Jade supposed. She went to say something else before getting a glimpse at Alyssa’s face, she uncharacteristically had a look that was almost nauseous.

“You good?” Jade asked, furrowing her brow.

“Yeah, no it’s fine,” Alyssa responded, but it was a lie, Jade could tell. Alyssa took a sideways glance at Meredith that was almost unnoticeable, “I’m just nervous that’s all.” 

“If you say so.” Jade said, unconvinced.

“I’m pretty sure it’s starting in like five minutes.” Meredith said, “Which is still scary, but you won’t have to wait that long.”

“That’s what I’m worried about.” Alyssa said under her breath. Jade would have missed it if she wasn’t sitting next to her, but it did nothing but add to her impending confusion. There was something wrong that Jade knew she was missing out on. She would have asked but she remembered the look Alyssa gave towards Meredith earlier and knew that it would have to wait.

But before she could come up with the plan to do so, it was time for the roses.

Jade wasn’t sure if she should feel nervous or not. Part of her was telling her that she was fine, they were starting on a new page. She trusted Beck, they were in agreement and understanding. But the other part of her said yes, she should, because nothing was certain, anything could happen.

Like every week before, he told them that it wasn’t an easy choice to make. Two roses, three of them left. One of them was going home. They all knew it.

Jade could barely stand it. Uncertainty was the worst and combined with impatience it was absolute hell.

“Jade, will you accept this rose?” He asked, breaking the tension.

“I will.” She replied, her voice flooding with relief, taking the rose from him.

She was moving on to the next week, she had a fucking chance for once.

Beck moved to get the second rose and Jade saw Meredith and Alyssa practically hold their breath.

“Meredith, will you accept this rose?”

And she did. Of course she did. Because why wouldn’t she?

Alyssa froze, either out of shock or out of disappointment. Jade couldn’t find it in herself to watch as Alyssa said her goodbyes to Beck. It felt wrong. After nine straight weeks, Jade was alone. It was just her and Meredith now. She had said goodbye to Gwen and Pepper, but Alyssa leaving meant she was  _ alone _ . There were only two of them now. She had somehow made it to the end.

“Jade, will you come help get my bags?” Alyssa asked through a thin smile.

Jade nodded silently, still feeling like she had just taken a blow to the stomach.

“I’m happy for you, by the way.” Alyssa said, “and I’ll be rooting for you from home.”

“Thanks.” Jade muttered, unsure of what else to say, if anything else  _ could _ be said at all.

“I can’t imagine how you must feel right now. I’d be so confused. Either way it goes, there’s no way to tell until after it’s all over.” Alyssa sighed, letting out a harsh breath.

“Wait. What are you talking about?” Jade furrowed her brow, looking up in confusion.

“Pepper’s whole thing.” Alyssa replied, as if it were the most obvious thing ever.

Jade blinked in response, what the hell did that have to do with it?

“Wait.  _ Oh my god, _ you don’t know.” Alyssa gasped, clapping a hand over her mouth and stumbling over her words, “You left. You left after she told us the first bit. You weren’t there when she told us-”

“Alyssa, snap out of it! What did I miss? What don’t I know?” Jade all but demanded.

“Okay, oh god, where do I even start with all of this… I can’t believe we forgot to tell you.” Alyssa groaned, pacing, “So you remember Pepper’s whole meeting? The one where they asked her to be the Bachelorette?”

Jade nodded impatiently, “Yeah, yeah, they were choosing people ahead of time.”

“Uh, and then while she was leaving, she could hear Beck in a meeting with the higher ups. And according to Pepper, it got super heated, they were fighting about something.”

“Okay? What does that have to do with me, why do I need to know this?”

“No, you don’t get it!” Alyssa panicked, her voice octaves higher than it had been moments ago, “She started listening in and he was fighting with them about week ten! They were trying to force his decision and he wasn’t too happy with it. He kept saying that he wouldn’t go through with it, and all that crap. He didn’t want to pick the person the network wanted him to but he doesn’t have that much leverage.”   
  
“And? Do you know if he eventually agreed or?” Jade rushed out.

“No, Pepper didn’t get to find out, an intern saw her before they came to an agreement.”

“So you’re telling me… That we don’t know if this is genuine or not?” Jade did her best to keep her voice from shaking too much, “That what happens next week, whatever choice he makes. It could all be a lie and we’d have no idea?”

“Don’t put it that way!” Alyssa groaned, “We don’t know for sure. It  _ could _ be real, we have no way of knowing. But you deserved the full story.”

Jade tried her best to piece everything together, to maybe gain some semblance of an idea of what was happening. She needed something, anything, that would put her in the right direction. This week had been too much. It was too much information coming at her at once.

If they were having a meeting on final picks that week, that meant they had made decisions following hometowns visits.

“Son of a bitch-” Jade breathed out, her heart dropping to her stomach. Fucking hometowns. The week they’d been fighting.

Of course Beck would be fighting them about a final decision if they were forcing him to pick her. Because why  _ would _ he pick her?

“What?” Alyssa asked, picking up on Jade’s turmoil, “Jade what did you just realize?”

“I think it’s me.” Jade whispered. It would explain the quick turnaround. Why he started taking initiative, why he was set on keeping her there. Because they were forcing him to.

“Hey, no, don’t get all in your head just yet.” Alyssa consoled, “We don’t know that for sure.”

“No, I know it is. It has to be.” Jade replied firmly.

“Jade, no. Just forget it, I shouldn’t have told you. See, now you’re jumping to conclusions-”

“Alyssa, listen to me. You don’t know the full story like I do.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know but I’m going to figure something out.”

* * *

That night, sleep evaded her. 

Jade stared up at the ceiling. She should’ve fallen asleep hours ago, but she couldn’t stop everything from getting to her head and the doubt from creeping in. Over the past week, Jade had tried to get herself to forget what Pepper had warned. And for a second, she’d succeeded. But something about the night brought out the purposely forgotten, no matter how hard she wanted to just forget she’d heard anything. But Pepper’s warning mixed with her own self deprecation and the absolute truth bomb Alyssa had dropped had snaked back into her head, a constant reminder that she was nothing but a pawn in a game.

_ None of this is real _ , she heard the voice inside of her say. _ You should have known that you were only here for the ratings. They tell him who to pick, why would they even consider you? You wouldn’t even kiss him until a week ago and now they know the truth about how you ended up here. ‘Starting over’ was never going to cut it. ‘Ten minutes’ was never going to cut it. You’re barely even his type and you’ve had like two solo dates with him. You know he likes Meredith and Alyssa better, they were always the ones getting the one on one dates? They’re looking for marriage, not someone who closes herself off from everyone and takes weeks to even talk to. _

Even Jade couldn’t lie to herself for that long. She was hopeful, not delusional. But as she remembered the previous night, listening to Beck’s even breathing and leaning into his hold on her waist, she couldn’t help but think that sometimes delusion could be justified. Sometimes it was okay to pretend that it was real.

It didn’t last long, however, and the prior foreboding feeling returned with a vengeance.

She had come in with one goal, to get eliminated. Since when had her priorities shifted? It was all her fault, deciding to be friendly with Beck in the first place. If only she had kept up her walls. Maybe then she would’ve been sent home with Gwen like she should have, or even earlier, before any of this; Before she’d decided that love could survive; Before she’d deluded herself into thinking she had a chance.

She roughly pinched her thigh to stop the tears from forming in her eyes.  _ Not now, not now, not now, _ she reprimanded herself. She didn’t cry. That wasn’t her. In a few days she might have to go back to the way her life had always been, before any of this. And Pre-Reality-Television-Jade didn’t cry. Even when in the absence of cameras, she couldn’t just let herself. Because then she’d have to admit that there was something there. And then it would be all over. 

None of it was real. She had to accept this. But even Jade wasn’t perfect, and even she would let herself see the things that she wanted to.

_ Sometimes it was okay to lie to yourself. Sometimes it was better to pretend and keep yourself safe from the hurt. _

She had always known that she barely stood a chance. She knew that after hometowns, her chances of staying on were slim. In a few days, it was possible that they would no longer be a they, despite how far they’d finally come and all the progress they’d made. He’d make his choice, and it wouldn’t be her. It  _ couldn’t _ be her. She’d spent so long hoping for it all to just be  _ over _ , but as the end stared her dead in the eyes, she fell apart.

It was a cruel trick from the universe, she thought bitterly. If there was a higher power out there, it was out to get her. 

It was funny, really. She’d initially agreed to be on the show because she assumed that no harm could come from it. But from where she stood now, she knew that she stood dangerously close to a world of hurt. 

She couldn’t let her heart get broken by the one person she had sworn she didn’t care about.

She should have known it was over the moment Alyssa had been eliminated that night. She always knew it was lightly rigged, but this confirmed it. There was no way she could have genuinely made it to the final two, not up against someone like Alyssa fucking Vaughn. If someone like Alyssa Vaughn wasn’t even good enough, had Jade ever stood a chance? Or had it all been predetermined from the very start?

Maybe if she’d met him anywhere else, things would be different. Maybe in a different world, one where they met under different circumstances, she could have genuinely fallen in love with someone like him and have him feel the same.

But that wasn’t how it was supposed to go. 

They had met here, not in the real world. If only he was anyone but the damn Bachelor. If only they weren’t on this damn show. If only she wasn’t here, being set up to fail. If only he wasn’t a damn sell out who was keeping her here because producers wanted him to. If only he felt what she felt. 

If only she weren’t trapped in this reality, where she was here because of ratings rather than love. 

If only he hadn’t already made his choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops . my bad. 
> 
> This was supposed to be two separate chapters but if I didn't combine them, they would have been too short. I've had the fantasy suite + the end segment pre-written for MONTHS now and i'm so happy that i finally get to post them (they were actually originally combined, but i split them for this chapter)
> 
> But lol yeah, there are three chapters left which is SO exciting, i promise bade endgame, it's just not a borrowedthemoonlite story without an overly dramatic twist.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, please leave a comment, it helps me a lot and lets me know I'm doing well. Thanks for reading ! <3


	13. Chapter 13

Jade West had given herself a new plan. Well, not necessarily a plan, those didn’t seem to work out that well for her. But it was for the best if she settled for a  _ ‘loose guideline’ _ at most.

For now, however, she would have to keep up appearances. There wasn’t really anything she could do ten weeks in but hang on and wait for the storm to pass.

As usual, there were confessionals to shoot, and as usual, she’d have to lie, although this time around it felt worse. Somehow, lying after all they had gone through felt like it had higher stakes.

“Jade, do you have any comments about fantasy suites?” They asked from behind the cameras.

Of course she did, she even had half a mind to tell them off right then and there. But  _ no _ , of course, there was always ‘keeping up the pretense’ or whatever.

“Isn’t the whole point to stay away from cameras? I think whatever happened is best left unsaid,” she said through gritted teeth. They sat there asking her questions as if they weren’t the reason for everything happening.

“Without getting into specifics, is there anything you can get into? Anything at all?”

“We talked. It was nice.” She spat, the hostility slipping through more than she had intended. It was nice until she learned that the network was manipulating them more than she had originally thought.

“And how do you  _ feel _ ?” Robbie read from his clipboard, giving her a look as if he was waiting for her to slip up.

“Gonna have to be a little more specific than that,” she deflected, scratching at her nose as casually as she could manage. She hated looking directly at the camera, it felt far too imposing and alienating. Then again, there wasn’t a thing that hadn’t been wildly imposing and alienating, but she could only take so much.

“Well… To put it simply, do you love him?” They asked, plainly. They said it like it was the easiest thing in the world, like it was an answer she  _ owed _ them, like it was something she could just divulge without it meaning anything.

Fighting the urge to cross her arms, she bit the inside of her cheek, willing the guilt to stop building up inside of her. The truth was staring her in the face, and knowing the producers, they had audio of their night in the fantasy suite. They knew what was said. She couldn’t lie her way out of this one.

“I do.” She whispered through a shaky breath, spitting out the truth before it burned her alive from the inside out, before it clawed its way up her throat and strangled her. She would have laughed, but it was hardly the time and even then, she probably wouldn’t have been able to get it out of her anyways. Typical, wasn’t it? Producers would manipulate the situation until they had her right where they wanted her, not caring what it was actually doing to her or any of the people they were toying with. They didn’t care about the people whose lives they were fucking with, but  _ she _ did. She suddenly felt a surge of resentment at the people sitting in front of her and all that they stood for.

Without asking, she got out of her chair and walked off. They were still following her with the cameras and it would probably get twisted into something that it wasn’t, but she didn’t care.

“Jade, we’re not done yet!” They reprimanded her as if she was a wandering child who was just lost. Which wasn’t surprising at all, seeing as they were fine with manipulating people, twisting truths, and toying with emotions for ‘ratings’.

“Don’t care. You might not be, but I am!” She called over her shoulder, finally getting away from the suffocating herd of cameras and pushing her way through the muddle of interns, producers, and other crew members.

She forced open the door of her room, collapsing at the foot of her bed and yanking her luggage from underneath her bed. She loosened and tightened her grip on the handles, once, twice, as if she was turning it over in her mind before quickly letting go, her hand jerking away from them. Her stomach turned over,

_ No, you can’t leave now, _ she reprimanded herself,  _ nobody’s supposed to know that something’s up. Nobody’s supposed to know that you’re onto them. _

She sighed in defeat, staring vacantly at the suitcase in front of her in stunned silence, wondering how the situation had managed to get even worse. Despite this, she found herself opening one of her suitcases as if she would find an answer in it.

Blinking in confusion and surprise, she noticed an envelope tucked into, well,  _ something _ , that had been carefully placed on top of all her things. As usual, her curiosity couldn’t let her just leave it, so she quickly grabbed the note out of its envelope, a look of determination sat across her face.

_ ‘Jade- _

_ ‘You told me you wanted to steal my shirt back in Texas. I’m pretty sure you were joking, but in case you weren’t, I’m sorry that you never got that chance. It only seems fair to assume that you would’ve been successful in your attempts, so as promised, said shirt from Texas. _

_ \- Beck _

_ ‘P.s. I can’t actually drop this off for you without the entire network knowing, and I know how much you hate the cameras. So I gave it to an intern and paid him off, I really hope he doesn’t snitch. But I figured that this was the next best thing.’ _

Said shirt was laying among the rest of her things, neatly folded, as if it belonged there. She reached out gingerly to grab onto it, not moving it from its spot, as if it might disappear if she tried to take it, as if it weren’t really there and something her mind had made up to shelter itself from the storm. She held it there for a moment before quickly plucking it out of its spot, the shirt falling out of the perfect folds it had been in.

And there it was, just like it had been that day in Texas, all soft lights, the sound of rushing water and life happening right before them. Barely three weeks had passed since that day, but it felt like a lifetime ago. She was barely the same person she was that day, too much had happened since then.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a glint of green glass sticking out from the deep recess of the compartment. Her hand reached out, lightly grazing the cool surface. Rummaging through the bundle of clothes, she dug around for the undetermined source of green glass.

It was the scented candle from their second week, the painting group date. The one that he had bought for her and the one that had caused an entire commotion just by its existence. 

She remembered that week. That had been the week he had come to her, rather than her to him. He’d found her sitting outside in the dark and handed it to her, somehow looking nervous and proud of himself at the same time.

They were fucking with her mind, she knew it. They had to be. Maybe they were onto her. Maybe they heard her conversation with Alyssa and needed something to throw her. And as much as she hated to admit it, they were succeeding.

No, she couldn’t let them get to her that easily, she reminded herself, shaking her head to clear her mind. She stood up, suddenly unable to bear sitting in her spot. Mind racing a mile a minute, she paced around the room.

There needed to be a way around this. She wasn’t just going to leave herself here to die, she was coming out alive whether or not the network wanted her to. Even if she had to claw her way out.

And  _ damn it _ , she was still holding the fucking shirt. She looked down at the offending shirt in her hands, back up again, repeatedly. It was fine, it was  _ fine _ , she was only  _ slightly  _ spiraling, and  _ god, would she stop holding onto the damn shirt already?! _ She tossed it back into her suitcase, kicking it under her bed without zipping it back up. Out of sight, out of mind.

Throwing herself onto her bed, she clenched her eyes shut, willing everything to go away. There was too much happening. Either she had a good thing going for her, or she was being completely lied to. And at this point, there wasn’t much she could do to find out the actual truth. But she knew one thing, she couldn’t trust the network, they had taken the truth and twisted it until it was impossible to untangle.

_ Okay, here are the things I know _ , she told herself, inhaling deeply. The network was as corrupt as she originally thought, they were manipulating everyone, not just her. In two days time, a decision would be made, and there was a possibility of it being her, but she wouldn’t know if it was real or not. She also knew that she had to get out. There was no winner here, not when there were lies and manipulation and the root of it all.

* * *

Before any of the final decisions were officially made, there was still one thing that needed to be done. Just like her hometown visit weeks before, she would have to meet his family, which in her opinion was too far. And she wasn’t a ‘take home to the family’ type of person in the first place. She was meeting Beck’s family even though she still hadn’t figured out the reason for her being there, which didn’t bode well for her.

They had met Meredith already, a fact that was weirdly nerve-racking for Jade. Not that she cared about what people thought about her, or that she’d even care about a comparison as minute as that, but it was nerve-racking nonetheless.

“You nervous?” Beck asked, glancing at her with a concerned look upon his face.

“What?” Jade’s head shot up rapidly, just realizing that she had unintentionally been avoiding his eye the entire time, distracted by her thoughts.

“You look nervous, it’s worrying,” he replied simply.

“I’m fine. Promise.” She sighed deeply, willing her mind and heart to stop racing.

“If you say so…” He gave her a doubtful look, but if he was onto her, there was no further indication. 

Lacing their fingers together, he pulled her towards him, placing a light kiss on the crown of her head. Jade hated the way her heart momentarily skipped a beat and internally reprimanded herself, tampering it down before she forgot herself. She looked up at him, what game was he playing here? Was there even a game? It wasn’t hard to believe that the network manipulated its stars, but looking at Beck beside her she had to wonder whether that extended to him as well. 

Noticing her gaze fixed on him, Beck turned to look at her as well. He gave her a soft smile, the kind that was encouraging and comforting, the kind that would have made her feel safe.

* * *

“Hi, I’m Jade.” She introduced herself, forcing a polite smile as she shook hands with one of Beck’s younger sisters.

First, she met Sophie, then Taylor, then Bria, and finally Anya. Beck had never mentioned that he had four sisters, but then again, she had five siblings, she wasn’t really in the position to be complaining. Despite her bought of unmitigated fury she had in her room the previous day, she found herself instinctively looking towards Beck, as if waiting for him to give her a signal that hadn’t been previously agreed on.

Beck was preoccupied, however, with greeting his parents.

“Can I just say, I’m like obsessed with your hair,” one of Beck’s sisters (Anya maybe? Possibly Taylor? She was still getting names in order.) exclaimed, all bright-eyed.

Unlike the time Meredith has said it in the limo, it was actually nice to hear coming from Anya (she was 75% sure she had it right this time around.) It was almost embarrassing coming from Meredith, but Anya couldn’t have been older than 13.

“Yeah? Thanks, kid.” Jade replied smoothly, smirking.

“I’m serious, you  _ have _ to teach me how you do it!” Anya had an awed expression on her face and it felt oddly endearing.

“You’ve got yourself a deal.” Jade nodded. Of course, that was assuming that she’d be around to teach Anya in the first place. But hey, who was she to crush a kid’s feelings?

Anya beamed, turning and looking at Beck with an overjoyed smile on her face. Jade followed suit, finding him looking at the two of them, wearing a slightly anxious look. Jade raised a brow with an amused look to match. He met her eye, realizing she had noticed, laughed at himself shortly, and gave her a securing smile.

“Jade!” He said suddenly remembering, “I forgot to introduce you to my parents.”

She smiled shyly, almost uncharacteristically.

“Hi, Jade.” She said, extending a hand.

Beck’s mom, waved Jade’s hand away, pulling her in. Jade froze in slight confusion before reciprocating.

She soon felt her pull away, Beck’s hand on his mom’s arm. “ _ Mom _ , not everyone’s a hugger.” He reminded her, giving Jade an apologetic smile.

“Oh gosh. I’m  _ so  _ sorry, Jade.” She said worriedly, “I hope we didn’t get off on the wrong foot.

“No, it’s- it’s okay, Mrs. Oliver,” Jade assured, it wasn't really, but she didn't really want to cause any more drama than there would inevitably be.

“But hi! It’s so wonderful to finally meet you, Jade. And please, call me Sandra.”

Beck’s dad extended his hand and gave her a firm handshake, a warm smile sat on his face, “Jack Oliver.” He introduced.

Jade felt oddly out of place. To be fair, she had felt out of place almost ever since she arrived at the Bachelor villa, but this was different. They were just  _ nice _ and it made her wonder exactly how much they knew about her and the situation they were stuck in.

The next few hours were overshadowed heavily by the conversation. Turned out that the Olivers were incredible conversationalists, although Jade probably should have known from her previous conversations with Beck.

Taylor had begun venting about her day to day life, though Jade didn’t mind. She knew that high school could be hell.

Bria had plopped into the seat next to Jade, “Can I ask you about your tattoos?” She asked, pointing to Jade’s arm.

“Go ahead,” Jade turned to her, extending her arm for further examination.

“Did they hurt?” Bria’s eyes widened as she turned Jade’s arm over, closely looking at each one.

“A little, but I think they’re worth it.” She answered honestly.

“What’s this one mean?” Bria pointed to the nautical star in the center of Jade’s forearm.

Jade smiled, “Well, that one was my first tattoo ever. I got it when I was 16. I was pissed off at my parents, so I got a friend to drive me to a parlor and picked a random design from a book. I know they’re supposed to have meaning, and a lot of mine do, but not this one.”

“Oh, that’s  _ sick _ .” Sophie jumped in, breathlessly, crossing to join Bria on their side of the table.

“Good sick or bad sick?” Jade asked, raising a brow.

“Good sick,” Sophie replied, nodding knowingly, “ _ Always _ good sick.”

Jade turned to face Beck, who had been oddly quiet. She expected to see him talking to Taylor, or his parents, or  _ something _ , but instead he was watching them with a fond smile, and felt herself mirroring his. Her stomach flipped over once and she felt herself slipping into the uncertainty from before as she remembered what Alyssa had told her.

Just like her hometown visit, they had to split up and talk to the family individually. Jade would be talking to his sisters first, then his parents, while Beck would go to his parents first, then his sisters.

“See you on the other side.” He smiled at her, giving a quick salute.

“See you.” She nodded. She wasn’t sure how this week would end for her, but she was nervous nevertheless.

She opened the door to the deck where his sisters were sat, all of them giving her excited smiles.

“‘Sup guys?” She asked, plopping into the bench across from them, “I think this is the part where you all ruthlessly interrogate me.”

“You’re awesome,” Anya said in what could only be described as awe.

Jade nodded stiffly, unable to say anything other than a quick thanks.

“Do you think you and Beck would work like for real, for real?” Sophie asked, giving Jade a look that made her feel translucent.

“I think you’re supposed to tell me that.” Jade admitted, “after all, you’re the ones who know what I’m up against.”

Not only that, but whether they even made it into the ‘real world’ wasn’t up to her. And once again, if they  _ did _ , who knew if it would be real?

“Well, I like you for what it’s worth.” Sophie assured, “Beck needs this kind of balance in his life.”

Taylor nodded in agreement, “You’re cooler than Meredith. She was nice, but she gets a little boring, no?”

Jade’s eyebrows shot up in a combination of shock and amusement, “You’re spunky. I like your energy…”

Taylor beamed in response.

“I don’t think we’re allowed to shit talk other contestants in front of the other.” Bria admonished her sister

“Oh was that a rule? My bad.” Taylor sang sarcastically and Jade let out a short laugh before she was able to stop herself.

“Well, at least you don’t hate me.” Jade shrugged.

“Of course we don’t! You would be the coolest sister in law ever.” Bria said.

Jade halted for a moment. Right. That was the expectation for the end of this.

“Well, not really up to me, is it?” She asked breathlessly, desperately trying to keep an air of nonchalance about her, as if they could smell her fear and would weed her out on the spot.

But if they could, they didn’t make any attempts to. They quickly switched subjects, Anya coming up with what seemed like an endless amount of questions that Jade did her best to answer although she was still minorly distracted. No matter how many conversations she tried to bury herself in, the nagging in the back of her brain was still there, constantly reminding her that she knew nothing. But she couldn’t let herself forget. No, that’s what the network wanted. She’d have to stay aware of everything if she wanted to make it out alive.

However, splitting her focus between conversation and reminding herself to stay grounded only led to her being more jumpy than normal. So when Beck knocked on the door, ready to switch places with her, she found herself caught off guard.

Meeting her sort-of-boyfriend’s parents should’ve been more nerve-racking than it currently was, although her lack of fear could probably be attributed to the fact that she was still calling him her ‘sort-of-boyfriend’. But that was the best way to describe it, really.

For the most part, or, at least from what she could tell, Beck’s parents seemed to like her? No passive aggressive comments were being thrown around, or unsettling side glances, which had to count for something. Despite her expectations that they would push for the whole marriage narrative, they didn’t bring it up, although she wasn’t exactly sure if that was a good thing or not. She still wasn’t sure what to consider a good sign or a bad sign.

But at least they didn’t hate her?

She and Beck left separately that night. Something about ‘needing to give him time to get his decisions in order.’

That night she scanned over every moment, overanalyzing everything that had happened. The thought made her stomach churn. She had always known what to say, what to think, but there was something different about this. There was too much uncertainty, and if there was one thing she knew, it was that she couldn’t trust uncertainty.

There was a storm brewing on the horizon, and no matter what the outcome was, it was coming straight for her and there wasn’t much she could do about it.

* * *

The next morning was her last morning there, everyone’s last morning there. Her bags were packed last night and were sat in the corner of the room, ready to leave, and everything in the room looked like it was part of a plot to run away.

And in a way, maybe it was. Last night, Beck had ‘solidified his choice’, but if Pepper and Alyssa were to be believed, which they were, his choice had been solidified weeks before. But then, again, neither of them had any follow up, nobody knew the outcome of the argument Beck had gotten into with the producers. But Jade couldn’t really see a world in which one man won over an entire network of rich executives, she knew how this career worked.

After four straight hours of stressing and doing her best to distract herself, Jade was finally called down for departure. Something about being driven around in a limo while wearing an overly-priced dress reminded her of the night she had first arrived. The only difference was that on the first night there had been 13 other people in the car with her, 13 other people with the same goal, including Meredith.

But today, Jade was left to sit with her own thoughts. There was no Meredith to ask her overly annoying and overly personal questions. Meredith was in her own car this time. Actually, Jade wasn’t too sure where Meredith was. But if she did know, it would make her life significantly easier. If Meredith had left the villa before Jade had, then Jade was the final choice. If Jade was leaving before Meredith, he had picked Meredith. But that was probably exactly why neither of them knew when the other left. Instead, she was left to sit in suspense.

It was a bit cruel in her opinion, to leave them unsure until they were either being broken up with or being proposed to, it didn’t give them enough time to prepare. But once again, that was probably the point. It wasn’t surprising that the show fueled by drama would prioritize it over anything else.

Soon, the car came slowing to a stop, snapping Jade back to reality. This was it. There was no telling what would happen next.

He caught a look at her and smiled widely, wringing his hands together, and as if it was contagious, she felt herself smile too, despite the nervous and fluttering feeling in her stomach.

“Hey, nice to see you again,” he extended his hand, leading her towards him, “I missed you.”

“You saw me last night,” she pointed out, smirking.

“I know, but still.”

And suddenly it caught up to her, exactly how deep she had gotten herself into. Of course, she always knew that she was getting into more than she originally intended, but it hit her differently this time. She had said she  _ loved  _ him on camera, in front of literally everybody. She had fallen in too deep.

He could tell she was nervous, that she didn’t know what to say, so he kissed her instead. He had a nervous look on his face when they broke apart. Although she couldn’t particularly blame him, this was possibly one of the biggest choices he would make, it was on TV, there were no take backs.

He took a deep breath and looked her straight in the eye. And suddenly she felt like she couldn’t breathe anymore, she was bracing herself and while she wasn’t sure exactly what for, she knew  _ something _ was coming, and it never hurt to be prepared. 

Taking her hands in his, he took a deep breath before starting, “I think we can both agree that these last ten weeks have been interesting to say the least.”

She nodded wordlessly, not wanting to step on his rhythm, her stomach a bundle of nerves that couldn’t decide on how to feel.

“But, these past ten weeks with you have been like  _ nothing _ else.” He brushed a piece of her hair out of her face, lingering as he tucked it behind her shoulder, “There is no one like you, Jade.”

Her breath staggered in her chest as her heart sped up.

“I know we agreed that we would take this ten minutes at a time, but I need you to know that there isn’t a single seed of doubt in my mind about you, about how I feel, and about us.”

Jade froze, any possible response that she could have dreamt of dying on her lips. She blinked as her mind scrambled to catch up.

“And before things get out of hand, no, I’m not proposing to you.” He rushed out, pulling her back to reality, “I wouldn’t do that just yet. I know neither of us are ready for it. But if you’re ready to take that step, I want us to keep going, I want a real relationship with you.”

For a moment she almost forgot where she was. She went over it, turning it over once, twice, in her brain. Her heart sank at the reminder that none of this was fair.

She remembered on the first night he had said that he wasn’t ‘big on drama’. She had practically brought drama with her everywhere she went, leaving a trail of destruction in her path.

He wanted the girl next door, not the one who rolled her eyes when faced with any minor inconvenience. She couldn’t let him settle for her, to settle for ‘future relationships’ when he was there for the whole marriage thing. He had already gone through a season of the Bachelorette, with some girl who ended up turning down his proposal. If he was ready for marriage back then, she couldn’t put him through more waiting.

This wasn’t fair for him either, the network forcing his hand and everything. So the best way out for both of them was for her to do something.

She took a step back, his face faltering slightly as he watched her eyes grow more and more distant.

“Beck, you don’t have to do this.” She said. She wouldn’t be a second choice. She wouldn’t be backed into a corner because a network wanted ratings.

He looked down at her, brows furrowed, unsure of what to say.

“You don’t want any of this,” she reasoned, “Beck, this isn’t fair to either of us.”

She took another step back.

_ “Please _ don’t make a choice you’re going to regret. I can’t do this to you.”

He gave her one last pleading look, seemingly about to protest before she cut him off.

“Please don’t make this harder than it already is, Beck… It’s okay, I know this isn’t what you want, I don’t blame you.”

She tearlessly sobbed, gasping in the air that was entirely too warm. It was like the walls were closing in on her.

And there was only one way to save both of them.

She took one last look at him as she backed away before turning on her heel and sprinting off. The producers looked towards her almost immediately in confusion. They hadn’t accounted for their plan backfiring. God, she couldn’t even stand the look of them anymore,  _ they _ did that to her, to them. They fucked her over. She tore the microphone off of herself, shoving it into the arms of someone she didn’t bother to look at, forcing her way out.

She could hear people calling after her, but she didn’t dare look back. She found the car, wrenching the door open. The driver gave her a startled look, he hadn’t expected her to be back, he had no idea what had just happened outside.

“I’m leaving.” She said sharply.

As the car soon started slowly pulling away, Jade finally let her emotions catch up to her. Tears came rushing to her eyes, both in self pity and in anger.

In another life, she got out of the car. Hell, in another life she said yes. And,  _ god, _ did she wish that she could have said yes. 

But that wasn’t her life. 

So she left, watching through the windows as the car drove off. And they let her go. Well, no. Actually,  _ he _ let her go. They let her go because this was nothing but a marketing strategy, and there was an angle they could sell here, her running away. She could see it now,  _ ‘Bachelor Contestant Runs Off During Final Deliberation’ _ . And sure, maybe it was what they wanted from her, but it was what she wanted for herself too, so if that’s how it had to be, so be it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i mean... 13 IS supposed to be bad luck, right? but GAH, this one desTROYED me to write, and so sorry for the wait, i've been very busy and this is not an easy fic to write. oh my god, two chapters left, i don't think i'm ready? honestly i'll probably end up crying as soon as i post the last chapter tbh.
> 
> once again, thank you all for reading, please leave a comment if you feel so inclined, it means the world to me! see y'all next time


	14. Chapter 14

It hadn’t been that long since she had run back to New York and yet, she found herself back in LA a mere three months later. Granted, she was contractually obligated to make this appearance. Their season of the Bachelor had finally aired and tonight was the live, in person finale. Tonight it was the original thirty and Beck, in front of an audience of the most die-hard Bachelor fans, practically being grilled by Andre.

Jade stared at herself in her dressing room mirror, unable to focus on anything other than her stomach knotting itself up. As much as she wished she could, there was no escaping the past. Whether she liked it or not, the fucking Bachelor would always be part of her history. 

But she refused to watch any of the episodes. She didn’t want to watch the way they edited out the intimate details, or the way they twisted the truth. Above all, she didn’t want to have to relive those three months again. The process of falling in love only to have it come crashing down was bad enough. But watching an abridged version of it on her screen? Even Jade wasn’t strong enough for that. Especially since she would have to sit through the others’ experiences too. As tempted as Jade was to check up on Beck, Meredith, hell, even Hayley, after shooting had finished, she had exercised enough control to ignore the urge. Sure, she had kept in contact with Gwen, Pepper, and Alyssa, but none of them even dared to bring up what had happened on Week 10, and assuming they had watched the season, Jade couldn’t blame them.

Jade was aware of the articles about her that had been published in the past week, after the final episode had aired. It was hard to ignore them when her face was plastered on almost every site she went on. But she avoided those too. She didn’t want to hear whatever the hell the viewers thought of her or their biased opinion. Her Instagram had been flooded with follower requests almost immediately after the first episode had aired, and since it seemed like there was no end to it, she switched her settings to public. Sure, it meant she had hundreds, possibly thousands, of message requests, but she had already made the habit of ignoring any and all people who had something to say about the show.

Of course, avoiding all public opinion on her was extremely difficult, and she contemplated whether or not it was worth it. Maybe she should have just caved and read a stupid article.

But no, she couldn’t. She couldn’t read something from someone who wasn’t there, someone who didn’t know what she had gone through and didn’t have the full story.

Cat and Tori had apologized profusely the moment they had found out what had happened. Although she had refused to tell them anything until a week after she had returned and it was further worsened when the episode had aired last week and they saw the way she was framed. Jade didn’t actually know how she was framed, but judging by the way Cat couldn’t meet her eyes the next morning, it wasn’t ideal.

“Hey, my calltime is in like five minutes and I _just_ got finished getting my mic on- figured I’d stop in and say hi before we’re all out there. I think Pepper and Alyssa are on their way too,” Gwen rushed into the room, breaking Jade out of the stupor she had worked herself into.

“Yeah, hey.” Jade greeted, forcing herself to normalcy.

“So how are you holding up?” Gwen asked, grabbing a seat on the couch.

“That depends, did you watch the season?”

“I wasn’t going to at first, but my roommates were telling me about all the drama and I caved… I can’t believe I missed all of that.”

“Funny, because I wish I had.” Jade laughed humorlessly, “You’re lucky you got to go home when you did.”

Gwen took a sobering sigh, “You probably don’t want to talk about it, so I won’t, but Lyss and Pepper filled me in on everything that happened off camera…”  
  
“Well? Did I do the right thing?” Jade asked. She had asked Cat and Tori this once. Neither of them were able to give her a straight answer. Then again, Jade wouldn’t have been able to either.

“I think you’re the only one who can decide that,” Gwen shrugged.

“How would _you_ have taken that information? I don’t see how anyone _could_ interpret it another way.”

Gwen gave her a look of consideration, “I don’t know, but I don’t think that anyone really had the full story.”

Jade furrowed her brow in concentration. It wasn’t like anybody could be blamed for acting the way she did. Sure, maybe she didn’t know _everything_ , but nobody did, besides, she might not have known _everything_ but she knew _enough_. And that was what mattered.

“Oh good, we caught you guys!” Pepper cheered, popping her head into the doorway, unaware of the events that had previously transpired, “Alyssa! Gwen’s still here, we made it on time!”

Soon after, Alyssa slid into the room, excited that they were all finally in the same room again. This could have possibly been fun for Jade, but she was trapped in her head again. Yes, they were technically her friends, but that didn’t change the lies and manipulation behind everything they had suffered through. In a way, they had all been cheated. They’d all been cheated of an honest and genuine chance.

The rest of them seemed to have moved on by then, which was great for them, but it wasn’t that easy for Jade. She hadn’t been able to even unpack her damn suitcase when she got home. It took her three weeks to even open it up and when she did, the fucking shirt and candle were still there, taunting her. He was almost too intertwined in her life now. It was everything she had set out to avoid, but the Universe had a funny way of getting its revenge.

Before Jade even had the time to invest herself into the conversation, Gwen let out a loud sigh, checking her phone, “Guys I think I gotta go now. I’ll catch you all afterwards for sure, though.” Gwen got out of her chair, backing out of the room with a goodbye salute.

Pepper turned towards Jade cautiously, “You nervous?”

“Nervous for what?” Jade asked feigning a tone that was far too devil may care for someone in her position. She wasn’t really sure why she was putting on an act when everyone in the room knew what had happened, but pretending not to care seemed to be her default whether or not she liked it.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to…” Pepper consoled.

“Yeah, I mean, you’re already going to have to talk about it out there, we don’t want to make you talk about it more than you have to.” Alyssa agreed, “Besides, heartbreak is a stubborn bitch, we shouldn’t make it worse.”

Maybe if she were feeling more like herself, Jade would have found this annoying. It was like they were walking on eggshells, skirting around her emotions, like she was some delicate little thing that they were afraid to break.

Although, sometimes gentleness was good. Especially when it felt like she was constantly on the verge of tipping over.

But her newfound value in ‘gentleness’ still wasn’t enough that it outweighed the part of her that was stubborn as all hell.

“I’m fine,” Jade snorted. It was a lie. She knew it, they knew it, she knew that they knew but she continued anyway, “It’s been three months… I’d be pathetic to still care about something when it wasn’t even real to either of us. I mean, you saw what happened. My hometown visit. I didn’t even care in the first place.”

“We also saw the fantasy suite episode,” Pepper retorted, but she didn’t rise to Jade’s level or tone, “You did care.”  
  
“What, so you think I should just forget everything? Pretend that he wasn’t being pushed by execs?”

“No, _nobody’s_ saying that.” Alyssa jumped in, sensing the tension rising, “You don’t have to be with him if you don’t want to. But you keep saying it wasn’t real. You know that’s not true.”

“Don’t tell me what I know!” Jade suddenly shouted, standing up suddenly, her chair getting pushed at least a foot behind her.

The room went silent, a still, drawn out silence.

Pepper stared at her in surprise. Sure, Jade had gotten upset in front of them before, but it had never been directed at either of them. This was new.

Almost immediately, the shame and guilt took root in her. “Whatever, I shouldn’t have acted like that,” She half-apologized, shaking her head to clear it and returning her seat back to its original place and sitting back down. “Listen, I just can’t bring myself to care anymore. Whatever I had with Beck, if anything at all, isn’t relevant anymore. We’re not in each other’s lives anymore, I hope he’s happy with Meredith, but he’s not my problem anymore!”

Alyssa gave her a confused look, “He’s not with Meredith…”

Jade shrugged it off, “Same difference” She said irately, “Besides, I wouldn’t know that anyways, because _I don’t check up on him_ ! I don’t check up on _either_ of them!”

It didn’t make sense. Surely if Meredith had made it that far, he had to have had feelings for her. If Jade knew anything, it was that feelings didn’t just disappear that quickly.

“The point I’m _trying_ to make,” she said impatiently, “is that he is at perfect liberty to date who _ever_ he wants, and it’s none of my business.”

“Look I get it. Going home was rough for me too,” Alyssa sympathized, “I had feelings for him too, but I understand that it wouldn’t have worked out. Once I realized that, it was easier to let go of the hurt.”

“But you _don’t_ get it though.” Jade furrowed her brow, “You didn’t make the choice to go home. _I_ _did_. If I cared, I wouldn’t have sent myself home. Hell, I practically _ran away_.” 

“Okay, can we change the subject now?” Pepper laughed nervously, “What are you guys going to say out there?”

Jade froze slightly, still heated over their insistence, but she decided that being mad wasn’t worth it. “I don’t know, depends on what they ask me.”

“I dunno either, do you think I can promote my own company or would that be too corrupt?” Alyssa asked, “Can interior design even be _considered_ corrupt? I can’t imagine that there’s politics in furniture and curtains and stuff…”

“No, do it!” Pepper laughed, “We all know that the network was twisted, it can’t hurt to give it right back to them.”

Jade couldn’t believe that they were willing to just drop a conversation like that. Especially a topic that had practically plagued the last three months for her. Not that she was willing to admit that though.

It was a bit of a shock, being back here with all of them. She’d left so abruptly, practically severing herself off from everything, and now she was being shoved back into it with no warning. She had almost forgotten about most of them until she saw them in passing backstage.

“When do you guys have to go?” Jade asked, staring at the clock.

“Damn, getting rid of us so soon?” Alyssa said in mock offense, “And here I was thinking that we were the ones you _didn’t_ hate.”

“I leave before you guys obviously, but I still have some time, so you should be good too.” Pepper replied, rolling her eyes at Alyssa.

That was the kicker. The taping was structured after the elimination order. The later you got eliminated, the more you had to wait and the later you came in the episode, which meant that Jade would have to be last. And she wasn’t as lucky as the earlier contestants, who were doing group interviews. No, she was one of the ‘heavy-hitters’ or whatever. She was going last and she was going solo. Her interview was just going to be her, Beck, Andre practically grilling them, and, of course, a swarm of Bachelor fans, because nothing could ever happen to her without what felt like the entire world watching.

Jade didn’t even know if people liked her or not. She hadn’t read the reviews, who knew how the public felt about her?

It was ironic, really. Her original decision to go through with the show was made because she wanted to protect her reputation, to avoid getting black listed. But now it felt as if more people than ever knew who she was and it was highly probable that they had a less than favorable opinion about her.

Throughout the night, Jade watched as the remaining people backstage left for their interviews until the only people remaining were Alyssa, Maya, Hayley, Meredith, and her. It oddly felt far too much like the Day-Of-Reckoning. One at a time, the remaining five made their ways out in elimination order. And then it was just her and Meredith. But even Meredith had to leave before her, leaving Jade alone backstage as Meredith sat next to Beck, politely answering questions that the world just needed to know the answers to.

Until it was her calltime.

Jade couldn’t even see what was happening, but that didn’t stop her from listening in.

“So? Are you two going to give a relationship a try?” Andre asked, met by cheers from the audience.

Jade felt a flush of anger flood through her, rushing straight to her head before realizing that she _couldn’t_ be mad. She didn’t have the right to be mad. It wasn’t her issue anymore, she reminded herself, after all, hadn’t she insisted that he was at perfect liberty to be with whoever he wanted to?

She could practically picture it in her mind, Meredith looking over at Beck, expectantly, as he gave an answer that wasn’t a direct ‘yes’ but was practically a confirmation. 

But instead, she heard Beck laugh shortly, and maybe she was hearing what she wanted to hear, but she could’ve sworn that he sounded nervous. 

“I don’t think picking up where we left it off is that easy, Andre,” Beck said casually.

Jade furrowed her brow in confusion, quickly pushing the thought out of her mind. Now was _not_ the time to be thinking about her ex-boyfriend and his prospective relationships. Now was not the time to get feelings mixed into this whole business.

“But would you be willing to?” Andre asked in response.

“Uh, sure! I’m down if he is.” Meredith chimed in.

Jade paced about the area as Andre, Beck, and Meredith concluded their interview. She could do this. Surely she could do this, what was she, a coward? No, she was better than that. If she could get through ten weeks of this bullshit, she could get through one night.

She heard them conclude Meredith’s segment, saying goodbye to her as the crowd fondly cheered.

“Now onto our next and final guest.” Andre stated and Jade felt her heart speed up. This was it. This was the Final Judgement Day and all her grievances had finally caught up to her and came rushing to the surface.

“Please join me in welcoming Jade West!”

Jade kept her eyes focused on nothing in particular as she made her way to the couch. She was determined to keep the audience tuned out, but some particularly loud reactions made their way past the barricade. Surprisingly, the reaction seemed to be mainly positive, she was met with actual enthusiastic cheers. Unsurprisingly, there was still a corner of the audience that seemed to have a particular dislike for her, jeering and booing, not that it mattered much to her.

Her eyes drifted slightly to the right and she made eye contact with Beck. This was the first they’d seen each other in three months, it was strange, how she had become so familiar with someone and now there was an awkward tension between them.

She sat down, making sure to leave as much space between them as possible. They didn’t have the familiarity that allowed for close proximity anymore.

“Jade, welcome, it’s a pleasure to have you here.” Andre greeted.

“Hi, Andre, great to be here.” She said, plastering a smile on her face as if she couldn’t feel herself heating up. It hadn’t even been five minutes but the presence of an audience was oddly jarring. By now she was used to cameras in her face, but there were never other people there. Of course there were the producers and the interns and the other contestants, but never an audience. These were people who had watched her through a screen and thought they knew everything from ten one-hour episodes.

“So, Jade.” Andre started, “How have you been since we’ve last seen you?”

“I’ve been better.” She nodded, feeling wildly out of place, “Obviously, I’ve been in New York and I actually booked a new movie a few weeks ago. I can’t say what it is just yet, but it’ll be nice to do something scripted.”

“Congratulations, I’m sure you’ll have fans lining up to see it. Now, I’d like to talk about something else.” Of course he did. That was his job. “Jade, you were already set apart before the season even started filming. People were automatically interested in you, and needless to say, you did not disappoint.”

“Yeah, I remember seeing the articles after the full casting had been announced,” she could feel Beck’s eyes on her as she spoke. She knew he was paying attention to the things she had to say although she really wished that for once he would be selfish and tune her out. After all, he had been through enough of these interviews, right? What made her any different?

“But if I’ve heard correctly, you haven’t actually watched a single episode from this season, is that correct?”

Jade nodded reluctantly, “I couldn’t bring myself to watch. I mean, that was my life for ten whole weeks, I don’t think I could watch it condensed into less than ten hours.”  
  
“Beck do you agree?” Andre asked, bringing Beck into the conversation.

Beck hesitated, “She makes a good point. There were a lot of scenes I just had to skip.”

So he watched it then. She wasn’t sure why it was surprising, they hadn’t promised each other _not_ to watch, but she hadn’t considered him watching the season before. Then again, maybe he watched for the same reason she had considered it. Maybe he wanted to see how they spun their story.

“Well luckily for you two, we’ve compiled some of your moments on screen together to help you catch up on what you missed.” Andre announced, turning to the screen set up behind them. Despite what he had said, Jade wasn’t exactly sure that this was lucky. But apparently the audience thought so, as they let out a cheer. _God_ , Jade couldn’t stand it.

Jade turned to watch as the screen lit up with the footage from various episodes. First was their first night in the villa. How she had gone outside for some fresh air and the intention to stay unknown, but he’d come over to her anyways. She’d tried to argue with him, but he was genuinely receptive to what she had to say and actually agreed with her at the end of it all.

Then was the paintball day. It was hard to ignore the way Beck watched in interest as she took down the other teams with Pepper. That night, the group had coerced her into interrupting Hayley’s conversation with Beck because Jade was the only one Hayley was actually scared of. They’d had a nice conversation that night, looking back, it was probably the moment she realized that he might not have been the person she had written him off to be, even though she tried to pick a fight that night as well. 

Next was the painting date. That was the night she got the candle. The candle that still sat in her suitcase, a constant reminder of that day. It was the smallest gesture, but there had always been something about it that Jade had come to appreciate.

Then their first solo date. She had almost forgotten about that night, with the lady at the coffee shop who was truly, just the worst.

Texas. The infamous ‘almost-kiss’, as she had dubbed it. And the shirt that she had pointed out, the one he let her ‘steal’, the one that was in her suitcase at home.

Then hometowns. A hushed murmur fell over the audience as the screen showed the escalation of the night. They’d started off fine, it could have and should have stayed that way. But then she told him the truth and it blew up in her face. Sure, they had worked past it, but it was weird to watch it happen. She was seeing it from the view of someone else for the first time, it was almost like she was detached from her own life, her own story. She was just subjected to sit off to the side as they tried to shoehorn their entire story into five minutes, the events flashing by in rapid succession. One moment he kissed her in Montreal, then she blinked and all of a sudden he was asking her for ten minutes, cutting to the audio from the fantasy suite. She looked away from the screen as it showed the ill-fated finale. She couldn’t watch herself run away. She just couldn’t.

The screen went black and the room was silent for a moment. It was a tense silence, the kind that told her that everyone was watching and waiting for her.

But when she even thought about speaking, the words got caught in her throat, and she just couldn’t.

“You two have been through a lot.” Andre said, breaking through the silence that filled the studio.

“That we have.” Beck nodded. Jade’s eyes automatically flitted over to him. He turned, meeting her eyes and nodded slightly, as if to say _‘hello, again’_. At this point, someone needed to say something, the people were here for a show, not to sit there and watch as they barely looked at each other.

So she took the initiative.

“That’s why I wouldn’t watch. That’s more than two months of our lives in less than ten minutes.” She said, looking straight at him rather than the audience, as if she were responding to him.

“Jade, I’m just going to jump right into it. I have to ask and the fans need to know,” Andre asked abruptly, startling Jade who redirected herself to turn towards him, “Why did you leave?”

And there it was. She would’ve been lying if she said she hadn’t been bracing herself for this question.

“There’s more to it than just leaving.” She said, just like she had mentally rehearsed for days. “I don’t really like being vulnerable on camera, and obviously it happened more than once. But there’s more to the story, for every moment you see onscreen, there are _weeks_ of interaction that you don’t see. There’s no way that everything that happens makes it into the episode.”

“But what about the things the audience _did_ see?”  
  
“Everything that was shown was earnestly me.” She said, keeping her voice leveled. “Everyone knows how and why I started, but after hometowns, I was honest.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the expression on Beck’s face change. His brow was furrowed in concentration, as if he was almost confused.

“Beck, how have these past months been for you? You’ve done a few interviews here and there, but we’d love to hear it from you.”

Jade’s stomach anxiously churned as she waited for him to respond.

“It’s been weird to say the least.” Beck said deliberately, picking his words carefully. He knew that they needed to take caution just as much as she did. “I’ve mainly been taking some time for myself and just focusing on my sense of self though.”

It was incredibly nondescript. But he didn’t have the choice to _not_ be. By then, they had been ripped to shreds by everything, the cameras, the producers, the audiences. Who could blame either of them for wanting to keep their privacy now that they were free.

They continued on with the night, Andre asking them questions and them answering with stilled dispositions, keeping as much to themselves as possible while shooting polite smiles and nervous glances at each other. And just as Jade thought that maybe, just _maybe_ , they could escape unscathed, Andre pushed it further.

“Now we have the footage of Beck after the tragic conclusion of this season’s events.” He motioned once again to the giant screen, which started up with footage from after Jade had seen Beck last.

He hadn’t looked angry or happy at the prospect of being able to be with the person he wanted to, like she had assumed he would. He had looked fazed, if anything. Confusion paired with the determination to maintain a reserved composure.

_“What are you thinking right now?” A voice from off-camera had asked._

_“I… I don’t know.” Beck had said, his voice incredibly distant._

_“Well, tell us what happened from your point of view.”_

_“I don’t know what happened.” His voice broke off before he could completely finish. He took another deep breath, his stare fixed on a point off-camera, “I thought we were doing well.”_

_“So you have nothing? You didn’t have any signs that this was coming?”_

_Beck suddenly stood up from his seat, pushing past the crowd of camera and crew, just as Jade had that same day._

_But instead, they followed him, they hounded him. They had to, of course, they had just lost her and if they lost him too, well there would be nothing to capitalize on, nothing to exploit. So they went after him instead. He was clearly tired, no, exhausted-- But they kept pushing_

_He had locked himself in an adjacent room, but there was no cease. They were right at the door, intent on grilling him from through it._

She felt a swell of anger rise at the sight in front of her. When would they stop? When would they give up?

Jade swallowed the lump in her throat as she watched the way they tried to shoehorn their way into their lives. The entire fucking network. She wanted nothing more but to track whatever fucking exec thought behavior like this was okay and yell at them to just _leave her and Beck alone already_.

_“What more do you want to hear from me?” He asked the producers, his voice despondent, on the verge of giving up, “That I love her? That I maybe thought that this was it for real this time? Because yes, I did, and yes, I thought that this time would be different for me.”_

Jade turned to look at the Beck sitting next to her on the sofa rather than the one on the screen only to find that he was already looking at her, a slightly worried expression on his face, as if he had been watching her reaction.

 _“I’m so sorry,”_ she mouthed silently, the air between them tense as the screen behind them still displayed what should have been the death of anything between them.

Relief flooded Beck’s face for a brief moment and he started to respond before Andre spoke up, bursting whatever moment they had possibly been approaching.

“Jade, now that you’ve seen the aftermath, would you change anything? And why did you wait until the last episode to leave in the first place? Why not do it before?”

She had thought that she had explained herself well enough earlier, but apparently they weren’t going to let it go. He had practically asked the exact same question as the first time but worded differently

“Like I said,” She sighed, ready to recite the words she had trained herself to. But for the first time, she properly looked up at the audience. All eyes fixed on her. Maybe it was her fault for looking up, but she suddenly lost her nerve. She dropped her gaze to her lap, feeling the walls close in around her.

“Uh, actually,” Beck said, looking over to Jade in concern, “I don’t think we need to ask this again. I think there’s plenty of enough closure and it’s not really anyone’s business but our own.”

Jade glanced over in thanks, he got it, he understood. He knew what it was like having the entire world watch you fuck up while still trying to save yourself. He nodded reaffirmingly and whatever divide that was being imposed on them was broken down and for a moment there was an unspoken understanding- they were in this together.

Jumping onto the slight lead Beck had given them, Andre asked another question, “When you say ‘our business’ does this mean you’ve spoken since then? We were under the impression that you hadn’t been in contact ever since, but are you together.”  
  
Beck sighed deeply, “No, this is the first time we’ve even seen each other, but I think we can both agree that we need some space.”

Andre ceded, nodding despite the unsatisfied look that laid underneath.

“Beck, if you have anything you want to ask Jade, now’s your chance.”

Jade turned towards him expectantly, brow raised in curiosity. If there was _anything_ from tonight that Jade should care about, it was this.

Beck faltered slightly, quickly glancing at Jade before taking a deep breath. He started to speak but aptly shut his mouth, looking unsure of himself.

“You know.” Beck said, sounding more exhausted than Jade had ever heard him, “I think I’d rather say it off-camera.”

Jade blinked, startled by his sudden composure and determination. They had filmed confessional on confessional on confessional, what made this time any different? Andre looked taken aback as well, he hadn’t been accounting for that response from Beck.

Maybe time really was up, or maybe they realized that they weren’t getting anything out of either Beck or Jade, but they finally let Andre start the conclusion. Just two more seconds and they were out of there.

And the moment cameras cut, Jade bolted backstage to get back to the dressing room.

After handing in her mic and changing out of her outfit, she started gathering all her things. Gwen, Pepper, and Alyssa had found her after the taping and they’d quickly made plans to get drinks at the bar two blocks down before they all broke off, rushing to get back to their street wear. 

There was a knock at her open door. Pepper had said she’d come by the dressing room once she was done getting her stuff in order but Jade hadn’t expected her to be that quick.

“Shit, did I take that long?” Jade called out, not looking up from her bag, “Give me like, two seconds, I swear I’ll be ready in a bit.”

“No, it’s just me,” Beck replied.

“Oh.” Jade whipped around, “Sorry, I thought you were Pepper…”

“Did I catch you at a bad time?” He looked over his shoulder, peering into the hallway.

Well. She hadn’t been _expecting_ him, but it wasn’t unappreciated. Looking back, she probably should have gone to find him after everything that had just happened, but she had gotten swept up in the moment.

“Huh? Oh, no, you’re fine.” She said breathlessly, ushering him into the room, “Actually, you came at the right time, can we talk?”  
  
“You read my mind.” He stepped further into the room before stopping in his path, “Wait are you sure? If you have plans we don’t have to-”

“WAIT NO-” She reached forward, ready to grab his arm, quickly stopping herself before she could.

He held his hands up in surrender, “Just making sure.”

“I shouldn’t have ran after the cameras cut but I had to get out.” She explained, hoping that it was enough of an excuse.

“No, I get it.” He assured, “You needed to get out.”

She thought he was going to say something else, but apparently he was giving her the initiative this time. After a moment of silence she finally spoke.

“Um, thank you. For saving my ass out there. I don’t know, I just froze.” She sighed.

He nodded, “I get it, it’s rough out there, seeing everyone watching you.”

“Yeah, I don’t know how you did it for that long.” She scoffed in disbelief.

“I’m used to it,” He admitted, “I was kind of a mess last year though.”

She had the decency to look even a bit apologetic. He had gone in for love twice, and twice he had left alone, even though this was meant to guarantee something for him. It wasn’t like he could be blamed either.

“So,” he spoke up again, “when you said that there was more to the story, what did you mean? You said that the viewers didn’t have the full story but I don’t know what story you have.”

She froze. Could she tell him that she knew? Sure the progress they’d made in the span of the past few hours was small, but it was still progress. 

“Pepper. She heard your meeting with producers. They were forcing your hand, I didn’t want to force you into something you didn’t want, I thought you deserved better.”

Beck looked taken aback, stilled in confusion.

“It was Meredith.” He said simply.

Jade blinked, equally confused. He could have meant that he wanted to establish a relationship with Meredith which she was already aware of, or he could mean what she thought he meant. And if he did, everything would change drastically.

“What was Meredith?” She asked.

“They wanted Meredith. They wanted me to pick Meredith.” He explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “How much did Pepper hear?”

“She only heard you telling them that you wanted to choose a different person. We didn’t know who though, so I just… figured it was me.”

“You? Why would you think that? I thought we, I don’t know, made progress.”

“We did.” She replied, “And I _really_ , really liked being with you. But I’m not what you want.”

Beck looked at her concernedly, “How could you say that? Jade, I told you how I felt and I meant every single word.”

Jade shrugged, avoiding his eye, “You said you didn’t like drama. In case you haven’t realized, I’m a lot to deal with.”

He let out a small laugh in disbelief, “I was wrong. I wouldn't have spent this long trying to get to know you better if I didn’t think it was worth it.”

She shrugged once again, “Ratings?” She asked nonsensically, “I don’t know how things work around here, who _knows_ what kinda bullshit goes on.”

“No, it was you. It was always you.” He said firmly, “And I’m so sorry that I didn’t make it clearer. Everything could have been different if I had.”

It was always her. So it wasn’t all for nothing, they still had a chance. Her heart skipped a beat and she had to remind herself to keep it calm.

She wasn’t sure what to say. She didn’t know what he was ready for, what she was ready for.

“So what do we do now? Do we start again?” He asked, as Jade tried to ignore the spark of hope that started in her heart.

“We’ve done that before and you saw how it worked out. I don’t think we can just ‘start again’ anymore. There’s too much between us to just ignore.” She sighed.

“So that’s it then? We just give up?” He replied. 

Her heart dropped slightly. Had they really fucked up that badly? Had they really just let each other go that quickly”

“No, but I think that we _should_ be friends first.” She said determinedly, “Get to know each other properly, you know, without all the cameras so we actually get the truth this time. Then we decide where to go from there. I never let myself quit something. Why should this be any different?”  
  
“As long as we’re not giving up.” Beck nodded.

“I have one rule though.” Jade said, her mouth moving faster than her mind.  
  
He looked at her expectantly.

“Can we finally slow down? We’re not on the show anymore, there’s no reason for us to be on a reality TV timeline when we’re in the real world.”  
  
“You got yourself a deal.” Beck nodded, “There is so much about you that I don’t even know yet, but you’re the person I need to know. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to finally know you in the way _you_ want me to, not the way the producers wanted me to.”

Jade bit her lip slightly to stop the smile from breaking out on her face.

“Walk with me to the bar?” She asked, the rest of the group had definitely gone ahead without her, but it was worth it to buy a few extra minutes in her newly established comfort with Beck.  
  
“Of course.”

* * *

“Are you sure you don’t want to go in?”  
  
“Yeah, I’m sure. I think I just need to take some time for myself.” Beck said, taking a slight step away from the door, “But promise you’ll stay in touch?”

“Promise.” She nodded, smiling weakly, halfway through the door, “See you, Beck.”

“Don’t be a stranger, Jade.” She heard him say from behind her, “I don’t want to lose you again.”

She suddenly looked back, ready to put it all on the line. But he had already turned his back and was walking down the sidewalk, illuminated by a beam of moonlight and she just couldn’t bear to get him to turn back. In that moment, he looked so perfectly Beck that she couldn’t disturb something that just looked so right. The night’s ending was just too picture perfect.

So instead, she left it undisturbed and turned herself back around and entered the bar, where her friends were waiting for her, cheering as they saw her approaching.

* * *

That night, she collapsed in her hotel bed, only slightly tipsy. She grabbed her phone, seeing a text from Beck that she had missed from earlier.

 _‘just in case you forget about me’_ he had said.

She stared at the screen, contemplating what to say back. She had promised they’d stay in touch and for once, this was a promise she intended to keep. She owed him this at the very least, after all that they’d been through.

 _‘I would never forget you.’_ She replied, sending it before she could overthink and then adding a quick, _‘Just for the record, I’m sorry for everything, I promise I won’t chicken out this time.’_

_‘as long as we go ten minutes at a time, we got this’_

She froze slightly at the reminder of that day in Hawaii. The way he promised ten minutes, the day they became real. This only served to take the question hanging in the back of her mind and to push it to the front of all thoughts.

_What would have happened if she had stopped him tonight?_

She knew what she would have said. That of course she could never be a stranger. Not anymore, at least. She let him in and no matter what, her life would always be intertwined with Beck Oliver’s. They were no longer strangers.

They couldn’t be anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys... Chapter 14... That's WILD. So yeah, hope you enjoyed the second to last chapter, I'm so excited for the next one- it's been such a journey. Next chapter's an epilogue, I'm excited to finally give you guys some closure for these two. Thank you for reading my guys, love you.


	15. Chapter 15

_‘Beck Oliver Seen at JFK Airport’_

_‘What Exactly is Beck Oliver Doing in New York?’_

_‘Beck Oliver Spotted with Jade West a Year and a Half After Splitting’_

_‘Are Beck and Jade Back Together?’_

_‘Past-Bachelor Contestants Spark Dating Rumors Once Again’_

* * *

_‘Almost one year after the controversial televised split between Season 25’s Bachelor, Beck Oliver and finalist Jade West, the two were spotted together in New York City, making this the first time since they’ve been seen publicly since the season finale. Oliver arrived in New York merely one day ago, leaving the airport in a car rumored to be West’s. This has prompted fans to speculate whether or not the two have rekindled their romance. During and after their time on the show, both Beck and Jade have amassed large followings that seem to want them to get back together. In recent interviews, West and Oliver have separately stated that they are currently single, but could that be a cover up? While Jade has always been reserved and kept most of her life private, Oliver’s single status has been noted as strange by fans._

_‘Rumors were further fueled by Beck’s latest Instagram stores in which he posted pictures of the view from his ‘hotel’. But some stealthy fans have pointed out that the view is not unlike the few snippets from the background of Jade’s past photos. Additionally, Beck posted another video to his story this morning of him still in bed, speaking to the camera, which is not uncommon for Oliver who will frequently post his morning thoughts. However, once again, fans were quick to point out that Beck was extremely careful_ not _to show the other side of the bed. Could these be signs that the two are finally back together? And if so, how long have they been keeping this secret?’_

“What am I looking at?” Jade stared at the phone that had been placed on the counter in front of her.

“You said you wanted the bad news first…” Beck said and she could hear him shrugging despite the fact that he was standing behind her.

“ _Shit_ , I knew we were being too obvious.” She groaned the moment she read the article titles.

He dropped his head to her shoulder, watching as she scrolled quickly, skimming the article, “It was the damn Instagram story…”

“I even warned you and everything,” She frowned slightly, giving him his phone back. They probably could have taken more preemptive action to keep the secret from leaking, but they were bound to screw up at least once, especially after one year.

“Yeah but at least we don’t have to worry about being careful anymore.” He said hopefully, before changing lanes, “Unless you still want to keep it quiet, because we can if you do, we can both put out statements saying that it’s all rumors and leave it at that.”

Jade actually considered it for a moment. What did they owe the world at this point? They could keep things a secret if they wanted to.

But what were they keeping it a secret for anymore? _Who_ were they trying to keep it a secret from? It wasn’t like they were still fresh in the limelight and wanted to keep the public from prying into their business. It had been so long that she forgot why they were even keeping quiet anymore, hell, there wasn’t even a real reason to do so anymore. Every important person in their lives already knew, it’s not like it was a complete and total secret. Sure, the press would have hounded them if they had announced their relationship only half a year after the finale, but a year was probably long enough of a wait.

“No, you know what? It’s fine, if anything, that’ll just make us seem more suspicious. Besides, people were bound to catch on eventually. I’m just surprised they didn’t find out after all those flights” She sighed, turning around to face him. For months they had been alternating trips out to see each other. She’d go out to LA one month and the next he’d come out to New York, “We were doing so well though, I’m kinda sad that this is what got us busted…”

Beck broke out into a wide smile, barely able to conceal it, stepping towards her.

“So what’s the plan then?” He asked, “How are we explaining this mess?”

Jade shrugged, her smile growing to match his own, “Who gives a shit?” She said with an air of triumph, “We don’t owe them a thing.”

“Sounds perfect to me.” He replied softly, leaning in as she moved to meet him halfway.

* * *

“You good?” She asked, raising a brow in amusement.

“Just a little nervous.” He stared off into the distance, bouncing his leg anxiously, his voice slightly distant.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to.” After turning down about a dozen requests for TV appearances and interviews, they’d finally agreed to appear on one. By now the press had completely caught on and they had stopped bothering with the whole secrecy thing.

“I just- I just don’t want them to get all in our business. You remember last time we did one of these. I hated that, Jade.” He had turned to look at her, a worried look on his face. She couldn’t blame him, even though it had been a year, the memory of the live season finale was still fresh in their minds.

“I know, I hated it too.” She groaned, “But this time we can set boundaries, okay?”

He nodded wordlessly, but she could tell he was still trapped in his head. She knew the feeling.

“But no matter what happens we’ll be fine, right?” Beck never sounded scared, but this time was different.

“I promise that this one interview isn’t going to ruin a thing. And if they try to, fuck it! We hate them anyways!” She announced to nobody in particular.

Relief flooded his face and he started coming back to Earth, nodding in agreement with her, “Yeah, fuck what they think!”

She let out a laugh, checking the clock for their calltime, “We got this, Beck.” She affirmed.

“I love you.” He said, taking her hand in his.

“I love you.”

* * *

“Just saying, you guys owe all of it to me.” Cat shrugged, taking a sip of her drink.

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” Jade rolled her eyes.

“Come on, you went from being single, to a two year relationship. I’m magic!”

“Technically Tori was the one who told me to tell him the truth, so if anything, it was her.” Jade deadpanned.

“Uh, no!” Cat gawked in faux-shock, “I deserve full credit for my work.”

“Okay,” Jade snorted, “You need to calm down…”

“We’re talking about _love_ here, Jadey. You’re too calm.”

“What do you want me to say?” She said, hiding the way she was biting the inside of her cheek to fight her smile and the blush that was steadily working its way up her neck.

“I don’t know, but I like seeing you happy.”

“Well, thank you for doing that.” Jade ceded, “My life wouldn’t be the same.”

* * *

“Where are we going?” Beck asked as Jade pulled him along the road.

She made a noise of mock-frustration, “Just wait, you got to do all the planning those other times and not _once_ did I know where we were going. For once _I_ get to do the surprising.”

“Okay, okay,” He let out a short laugh.  
  
“Just trust me, will you?”

“Always.”

She pulled him along the street, weaving in and out of passersby until the crowds became denser and the lights became more visible.

Turning on her heel, she grinned proudly, “Welcome to my favorite place.” She said softly, “I was in LA the last time it was in town, so I couldn’t bring you. But now I finally get to.”

He looked up in curiosity, “I love it,” He breathed out, “I don’t know what it is yet, but you love it, and I do too.”

She laughed, motioning for him to follow her further as she explained, “It started off as some block party in Cat’s old neighborhood where they’d release a shit ton of paper lanterns, but now it’s this whole event and food trucks come and everything.”

She looked at him expectantly, waiting for his reaction. His eyes softened and a small smile settled itself permanently on his lips, “Thank you.” He said barely audible.

“What?”

“It’s beautiful,” He looked at her in awe, the kind of look that made her feel like she contained all the stars, moons, and planets.

She guided him down, kissing him gently, her hands finding their way into his hair.

“I love you.”  
  
“I love you.”

* * *

Beck sighed, collapsing into the booth of the bar, only slightly buzzed but the exhaustion was starting to catch up to him. Jade was off in the crowd of people, barely managing to talk over all the clamoring.

“Hey, you good?” Sophie asked, dropping into the seat across from him.

“Yeah, just a little tired. Thank you for coming by the way.”

“Of course,” she replied, “Anya’s crushed she can’t be here, but she knows 13 year olds aren’t allowed in bars, she’ll survive.”

Beck laughed slightly, shaking his head, “Jade and I are taking you guys out tomorrow anyways, she’ll get to see her then.”

“Well good, because Anya has a birthday present for her, card and all. She was _very_ excited about it.”

“And I’m sure Jade’ll love it. She hates kids but she adores Anya.” Beck searched for Jade through the crowd, his smile widening as he finally spotted her.  
  
“That makes one of us,” Sophie sighed sarcastically before adding in a hushed tone, “please don’t tell her I said that.”

“I won’t.” Beck laughed, “Promise.”

“Hey, suckers, what are we talking about?” Taylor greeted, taking the seat next to Sophie before turning to look at Beck, “And why aren’t you dancing with your girlfriend?”

“Hi to you too, Taylor,” Beck rolled his eyes fondly, “Jade’s off trying to beat Alyssa in a game of darts right now and I don’t think she’d appreciate me interrupting very much…”

“Yeah, yeah, I was messing with you.” She waved her hand dismissively.

“Anyways, as I was _just_ saying to Sophie, thank you for coming. It means a lot to Jade, knowing that you guys like her.”

“Of course we do, we literally love her,” Taylor said encouragingly.

“She knows family’s important to me and she was kinda nervous.” He replied.

Sophie craned her neck to look at Jade, “Nah, she’s great.” She said confidently.

“Yeah, she’s… the best. She really is.” Beck took a long sigh, a soft smile spreading across his face.

“Also, can I just say…” Taylor added, “I was a little worried about everything, you know, after all that shit you guys have been through… But you got through the worst and I love you guys.”

“Thanks, Taylor,” Beck nodded, “I’m glad you came around, I really love her, like _really_.”

“We noticed,” Sophie let out a short laugh, “But we’re happy for you guys. Promise.”

"You think you're gonna pop the question any time soon?" Taylor asked nonchalantly, taking a sip from her glass.

"I've been waiting for the right time." Beck said in a hushed tone.

Beck paused, taking a moment to think of what more to say, before Jade took the seat next to Beck in the booth.  
  
“Hey, glad you could make it!” She shouted towards Taylor and Sophie before turning to Beck, “I just beat Alyssa, be proud of me.”

“I knew you could do it,” He said lightly.

“Hell yeah, I _told_ her I was gonna beat her but she didn’t listen to me, that’s her fault though.” She rambled in mock-offense.

“How could she?” He asked, matching her tone.

Jade dropped her head to his shoulder contently, “Well I’m glad _you_ have confidence in me.”

“Of course I do,” he replied, softly tapping his fingers across her shoulders.

“Good.” She said simply, getting up, “I’m gonna go beat Gwen now, but I’ll catch you later.”  
  
She kissed his temple, giving him a two-fingered salute as she backed up from the booth and winked.

Taylor laughed as Jade disappeared back into the crowd, “I’m sorry, that was just really funny to me, I don’t know why.”

“That’s Jade for you,” Beck smiled, smile lingering on his face.

* * *

“You don’t think it’s weird that we came here?” She asked, swaying slowly to the music, “She’s technically your ex-girlfriend you know…”

At this point, Gwen was hardly a fresh wound and everyone had well moved on with their lives. But the irony of going to Gwen’s wedding with the guy she met on what was arguably the Marriage Game Show was not lost on Jade. Although, she supposed it didn't really matter seeing as Gwen had _just_ gotten married. And the ring on Jade's own finger didn't hurt either.

“Yeah, I guess she is… But no, it’s not weird.” he relied, arms seated on her lower back, “She’s your friend, we could never skip her wedding.”

“But she’s your friend too though, right?” She asked, brow furrowed in concern. Jade had considered the fact that things would be awkward before, but maybe now was the right time to ask. After all, it was always better late than never.

“Of course, of course.” He laughed lightly, pulling her in closer, “Gwen’s awesome. We’re just better off as friends. We actually talked about it last year at your birthday. She said she liked me but she didn’t really see us going past anything but friends. And I agree, I love hanging out with her but we just don’t work like that.”

“Good.” Jade stated simply, resting her chin on his shoulder.

“Besides, even if that _weren’t_ the case, I’ve got nothing to be upset about.”

“Hm?” She raised a brow in confusion. He couldn’t see it, but she was sure he could hear it in her voice.

“I have you.” He answered back, “No use antagonizing myself over a single thing when you’re right here.”

“Well of course,” She replied sarcastically, pulling back to give him a satirical look, “I _am_ the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”

He nodded, playing along, “That you are.”

“And you don’t know what you’d do without me.” She added, smirking.

“Yes that too,” he gave her an amused look.

“Glad we’re in agreement,” she smiled plainly, gesturing with her left hand, ring shining on her finger, "I might have to return this if we weren't." She said dryly, fighting to conceal the smile threatening to break out on her face.

"Oh would you?" He raised a brow.

"Nah, course not." She said earnestly, dropping the joke, "I would never."

He let out a short laugh and pulled her back in, kissing her lightly on the forehead.

“That’s it?” She asked, frowning slightly as she looked up at him.

“Don’t wanna mess up your lipstick.” He shrugged.

“Appreciate the effort,” She laughed sarcastically before adding softly, “and for the record, I don’t know what I’d do without you either.”

“Good to know we’re on the same page.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. It's over. It's actually over. Holy shit... Thank you guys so much for reading this story, I have been working on it since December 8th and it's been over half a year since I've started. I never thought that this was ever going to happen, yet here we are. Thank you to everyone who enjoyed this, I hope the last chapter didn't disappoint. I know you probably wanted the proposal scene but I was too nervous over screwing it up that I left it for you guys (but in my head it totally happens at the lights festival again). I didn't really know exactly what I wanted to do for the last chapter but I really liked the idea of just a quick little montage over their relationship post-bachelor and this is what my brain came up with.
> 
> I never expected people to like this fic so much and I'm so honored that people actually stuck around to read it. Thank you guys. For real.
> 
> Also you can definitely bet that I'll be back with another fic some time soon... I've been working on a soulmate fic since December as well (I decided to post this one first and I guess that worked out in my favor) and maybe I'll finally get around to posting it? If not, I have like... 10 other drafts sitting in my laptop that I'd love to expand on more. Idk exactly when the new fic'll get posted, but I promise I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, I love these two a little too much to let them go completely.
> 
> Thank you guys, it's been real.
> 
> (tumblr: borrowedthemoonlite)


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